A Practical Guide to Evil - Vol 2 Chapter 28: Prelude
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Vol 2 Chapter 28: Prelude

Look, if he didnt want to be fed to my acid-spewing crocodiles he shouldnt have brought me bad news.

-Dread Emperor Malignant II, the Particularly Petty

Itd been a while since Id had a proper Callowan breakfast.

Eggs, sausage and black pudding with a generous portion of buttered bread. The accompanying pot of tea was poor fare compared to the fancy brews my officers Aisha in particular, who carried a stash imported from across the sea even on campaign but the taste was pleasantly familiar. Tea wasnt grown in Callow: it had to be imported from the Free Cities and Ashur, the cheap stuff from Nicae being most popular. Mercantis was said to hitch up the price on the way north, but no less should be expected from the City of Bought and Sold. Id woken before dawn and gotten out of room the very moment I could, slipping away from the personal guard that attempted to follow me without a second thought. Tired of Legion fare Id sought a Callowan inn and ignored the scared looks the innkeeper kept shooting me as I ordered.

Service was prompt and the fare hearty, though I was starting to get irritated at the skittishness of the innkeeper and her husband. They didnt seem to recognize me, at least, which was refreshing. People had this unpleasant tendency to get deferential around me, these days, but the distance here was because of my Legion armour and not my station. The only local who didnt jump at my every twitch was a young dark-haired girl who couldnt be more than seven, peeking curiously at me from behind tables. Her parents had yet to notice her, apparently. I smiled at her while sipping at my mug of tea and she trotted up to me, sliding on the bench across the table.

Im Lily, she gabbled.

Hello, Lily, I replied with a smile. Im Cat.

She nodded seriously, then scrunched up her nose. Are you a Deoraithe?

Lily, the innkeeper suddenly barked. Get off that bench right this instant!

Its all right, I said, waving away the objection. Its a quiet morning. I wouldnt mind a little company.

Lily glared. Im not little, Im six, she informed me.

I smothered a grin. Her mother seemed rather horrified at the idea of the child talking with me, but she seemed even more afraid to offend me by yanking Lily away from the table and hiding her away. She ended up hovering around the table before taking a seat next to her daughter after seeking wordless permission from me, clutching her offspring tightly. Lily tried to wiggle out to no avail.

Im half-blooded, I think, I told the little girl. Im a little too pale for both my parents having been from the People.

The child blinked. How can you not know?

Dont be rude to patrons, Lily, the innkeeper said with the mechanical promptness of many repetitions. Not everybody knows their mum and dad like you.

Thats sad, the daughter said, patting my hand for comfort.

The mother looked panicked, but the tension loosened a bit after it became obvious Id taken no offence.

Im used to it, I shrugged. Life at the orphanage wasnt bad Ive seen people have much rougher childhoods.

Id never realized quite how privileged Id been to get an education and three meals a day until my first forays into the Lakeside district. There were people there who spent their days on backbreaking labour and barely made enough to put food on the table. The only difference the Conquest had made there was that Mazus hunger for gold had driven ever more people to live in the wretched slums as their businesses went under. It would take years to undo the damage hed done to the citys economy.

Youre Callowan, then, the innkeeper said, tone puzzled. Id heard some of the soldiers in this legion are.

Fear flashed through her eyes when she realized shed used a rather familiar tone.

No disrespect was meant, maam, she added hastily.

Ive never been easy to offend, I told her drily. And after dealing with Wasteland nobility its a rather welcome change not to have to look for double meanings everywhere.

Youve met nobles? Lily breathed out, excited. What were they like?

Most of them deserve to end up in a crocodile pit, I replied frankly. But there are some whore arent bad people.

Lily had responded to the mention of crocodiles by making vaguely reptilian noises and pretend-biting her mothers arms, much to the womans dismay.

I waved at the Countess, once, the child told me when she got bored. She didnt wave back though.

I snorted. Well, shes had a busy year.

Rebellions didnt spawn out of thin air. Most likely shed been sitting on a plan for years, keeping her moves innocuous enough that my teachers agents wouldnt pick up on them.

People say shes going to be queen, Lily informed me. Shes engaged to a duke and everything.

I smiled mirthlessly. That only happens if she wins the rebellion, Lily. And I wouldnt count on it.

That was, apparently, a little too close to home for her mother. The child was ushered away, told to go help her father make her breakfast. She muttered something about hating porridge and scampered off, though not before waving me goodbye. I waved back bemusedly. To my surprise, the innkeeper remained seated across from me.

Maam, I dont mean to pry but she started.

Ask, I replied. If its restricted information I wont tell you, but theres no harm in asking.

There were a few threads of grey in the womans hair, but the colour of it and the shape of her face was the same as her daughters I could see the resemblance, if I cared to look. She screwed up her courage after a moment.

Is it true, about the demon in the hills? she said.

I grimaced. Yes. It was kept bound in some sort of temple but someone let it loose.

And well have a reckoning for that, wont we Heiress? That much I would swear oath to, and the longer that debt when unpaid the longer the price would be when I collected.

But the Fifteenth will stay to protect the city? she pressed.

Orders came down from the top on the matter, I replied, hiding my amusement.

The innkeeper let out a sound of relief. The legion has behaved well, for an army. You dont drink as much as the Exiled Princes men did.

I very much doubted that, considering the Praesi relationship with spirits, but Juniper had likely given orders to keep the drinking out of sight.

Id heard there were a few incidents, I probed.

There were scuffles, she admitted. Some of the older men say its all the Empires fault.

They were technically correct, I had to admit.

That tall orc, the one they call Deadhand, he stopped it before it got out of hand, the innkeeper continued. And Tribune Ratface has been making rounds to see the people displaced by the goblins are properly fed. Its bought a lot of goodwill, with those of us who remember the last war. Armies are not easy guests no matter who they obey to.

Well now, Supply Tribune. I hadnt seen much of him lately, since he wasnt needed for most war councils, but it was pleasing to hear hed been keeping busy.

Hes a good sort, Ratface, I spoke over the rim of my tea mug.

You one of his, then? the innkeeper asked.

Something like that, I replied vaguely.

She clearly recognized the non-answer for what it was and did not pursue the subject. Apparently the fact that Id yet to ask for her head had qualified me as not a monster, because there was precious little fear in the older woman now.

I suppose it helps you have a Callowan in charge of the legion, she decided, then turned a curious eye on me. You ever met her, the Squire?

A few times, I agreed.

Doesnt seem proper, to have one of us a villain, she said. But it may not be a bad thing, you get my meaning? If the Empires going to stick around, we might as well have a voice in the Tower. Heard she helped hang Mazus so she cant be all Evil. Nasty piece of work, that man.

And how did you hear that, I wonder? Thered only been a handful of people there that night, and only one of them had the means to spread rumours that far and that quickly. I resisted the urge to clench my fingers. What are you up to, Black? Every time I thought Id sketched out his endgame, something else cropped up to put the design into doubt.

He got what was coming to him, I agreed softly.

The front door was suddenly forced open and the innkeeper immediately flinched back, rising to her feet. I cast a look and saw the Fifteenth had finally caught up: Lieutenant Tordis and a handful of orcs snapped a salute as soon as the saw me.

Lieutenant, I greeted her, spearing the last of the now-cold sausage and taking a bite.

Lady Squire, she replied, fist over heart. I apologize for disturbing your breakfast, but a war council has been convened.

I heard the gasp from the innkeeper when my identity was revealed, but did not bother to turn. I put down the remains of the sausage and finished my tea before sliding two golden aurelii on the table over fifteen times what the meal was worth, but what did coin really mean to me these days? I glanced at the greying woman.

When the enemy is sighted, I told her, take your family to the centre of the city. Itll be the safest place.

I passed Tordis by and stepped into the morning light.

Id been under for two days but my officers had not been idle.

Id yet to take a look at the outer defences, but as we made for the council I saw that Juniper had ordered a second set of walls further in though walls was perhaps too ambitious of a word. A ring of houses had been collapsed to form a citadel inside Marchford, the stone and wood stacked as a makeshift barricade already manned by legionaries. The Countess manor was long-abandoned, too removed from the rest of the city to be defensible. The people left bereft of a home by my sappers work had been packed in taverns, inns and the houses of relatives willing to put them up. Still, central Marchford was densely packed. The main avenues were kept clear by patrols so that deployments would not be hindered when the battle started, though eyes were peeking at us through blindfolds all the way through. Juniper had picked a large guildhall as the headquarters for the Fifteenth, clearing out the occupants and nailing most opening shuts with wooden planks.

The central hall was bustling with my legates men, reports coming in and orders coming out every few moments. Close to the wall in the back a pair of tables had been forced together to accommodate maps and seat all of the general staff most of which, I saw, was missing. Nauk and Hune were there, as the highest-ranked officers after the Hellhound, and so were Hakram and Pickler. No sign of Kilian and Ratface, or even Aisha. I dismissed Lieutenant Tordis absent-mindedly, my attention already on the conversation to come. If so many were elsewhere then something had happened requiring their direct attention: that both Kilian and Apprentice were absent was telling in and of itself. Nauk eyed my bad leg with a frown but held his tongue as I made my way up to the others, keeping my pace steady so the limp wouldnt be too obvious. I had a feeling tapping into my Name would allow me to power through the pain if I ever needed to run, but for daily life I might well have to take up Masegos offer of herbs to take the edge off. Or start taking my drinking more seriously.

Im guessing we have a situation, I spoke up, disinclined to indulge in small talk.

The enemy has been sighted, Commander Hune spoke in that incongruously delicate voice of hers.

The Silver Spears? I asked.

The last report Id read had made it clear the devils were out there, though theyd yet to make a move. Juniper wouldnt have sought me out unless the situation had changed more than that.

Theyll be on us by nightfall, Nauk growled. The bastards finally arrived.

Nightfall, huh. I supposed itd be too much to hope whatever corruption the mercenaries had gone through wouldnt allow them to see in the dark. When had I ever been that lucky? I glanced at the maps on the table, then frowned. There was half a dozen scrying bowls scattered in a half-circle around where Juniper stood. I tapped the rim of the one closest to me, then cast an eye on the Hellhound.

I thought the demon scrambled scrying?

The grim-faced orc bared her teeth. Apprentices threshold ritual changed things. As long as the point of origin and the point of reception are under the rituals aegis, our mages can the simplest versions of the spell.

Useful, that. Would allow my legate to react immediately to changes on the battlefield, if I grasped her intent correctly. Thered been no time to set up that sort of fanciness when wed first taken on the Silver Spears, but defending a city was a different sort of business.

Are we ready? I finally asked, because what else could I say?

Ive spent most of my time setting up our killzone, Pickler smiled unpleasantly, spindly fingers tracing the rectangle Id told Masego to leave out of his ritual. When the devils come, they will be warmly received.

I nodded. And the Spears?

Theyll go through the west, Juniper grunted. Quickest way to get to a hearth, and thats what theyll be aiming for. Theres a wider avenue where their horse will be able to charge properly.

Ill be waiting for them there, Nauk spat, and his fists tightened hard enough the knuckles popped.

Well have to concentrate our forces on the mercenaries, Hune spoke. If the devils get loose in the city our entire defence will collapse.

Then Ill be dealing with the devils, I murmured.

No sign of surprise from anyone. I supposed that had been a rather obvious fit for me. Takes a monster to kill a monster, doesnt it?

Robber will be commanding the sappers assigned to that sector, Pickler informed me. Youll have his full cohort.

Youll get another company to follow you when the swords come out, Juniper growled. We havent settled on which one.

Words was put out, Hakram told me. Seven different companies volunteered I have the list, if you want to take a look.

Dont need it, I replied. Im taking the Forlorn Hope.

That finally got a reaction.

Is that wise, Lady Squire? Commander Hune asked, her buckler-sized palm resting on the table. Deserters are not known for their ability to hold under pressure and that part of the battlefield will be the most brutal.

She means they could put a knife in your ribs and leg it if things look bad enough, Pickler spoke more frankly.

This is the very kind of situation I formed the company for, I replied. If they cant be used, they should be hanged.

Id spoken calmly and without raising my voice but I could see several of them repressing the urge to move back. I smiled mirthlessly: one of these days, Praesi would learn to stop thinking that mercy and ruthlessness were mutually exclusive. Id made the Forlorn Hope with the intent of deploying it in battle: if it could not be deployed, it could return to the gallows Id snatched it from. There were only so many chances I was willing to give people.

Thats settled, then, Adjutant said, shutting the door on the topic. We have one last issue to address: Archer has yet to take a stance on whether or not shell participate.

Said shell only talk with you, Juniper spat, clearly disgruntled.

Not much of a diplomat, that one. I didnt bother to specify which woman the statement was meant for, since it could easily go both ways.

Ill handle it, I said. Nothing else?

The Hellhound shook her head. I almost walked out, but forced myself to stay a moment longer.

Luck in battle, I told my officers.

Luck is for amateurs, Juniper replied with bared teeth. I have a plan.

If there was ever to be a motto for the Fifteenth, I decided, that would be it. I have a plan. Watch how it goes south.

Archer was on a rooftop, because Named were inevitably afflicted with a deep thirst for melodrama.

Foot on the ledge, she looked in the distance where a cloud of dust revealed the Silver Spears were getting closer. I hoisted myself up through the trapdoor and waited for her to acknowledge my presence, sighing when it became clear she wouldnt. Out of morbid curiosity I cleared my throat, just to see how far shed be willing to push the farce. Fluidly the woman turned and a flash of silver was the only warning I got. The throwing knife had been placed expertly, spinning in a trajectory that would see it bury straight in my throat. Without missing a beat, I snatched it out of air.

You can throw faster than that, I said.

I can, Archer agreed, finally bothering to face me. But this is still slightly swifter than a mundane mortal could manage.

Shed been checking how much my Name had been affected by my latest debacle. Fair enough, even if this was an idiot way to go about it.

Im told you wont talk with my legate, I grunted.

I dont speak terms with minions, she replied easily.

Maybe if Id had an easier fortnight I would have been politer about it, but my well of patience was running pretty dry.

Legate, I corrected flatly. Shes my legate. Regardless, here I am. Have you made a decision?

If anything my abruptness seemed to amuse her. My irritation ratcheted up a knot in response.

While your battle is not unworthy, is it not mine, she shrugged. Hunter and I will leave when enemy assaults the city. Well kill a few on the way out, out of politeness.

Fine, I grunted.

Making my way down the trapdoor was going to be a godsdamned pain, but jumping down into the street would probably be worse. I turned to leave.

Not going to try to convince me? Archer asked, mildly surprised.

I shot her an aggravated look.

I dont have the time or the patience for this kind of game, I said. Youll fight or you wont. I get the feeling not much Ill say will tip the balance either way.

Considering the corner youre in, the ochre-skinned woman spoke, are you sure you can afford not to?

I couldnt help it I laughed, right in her face. The look of incredulity that got me was a memory that would warm me on cold nights.

Im always in a fucking corner, Archer, I told her. I dont think Ive been in a fight where I wasnt horribly outclassed since I can remember.

I spread my arms and turned the palms up, encompassing all of the city.

And yet, Im still here. Standing. I said softly. So scuttle off if you want to. I dont need you to make this a victory.

I leaned forward and flashed her a hard smile.

You think one less aspect and a limp is going to stop me? I dont win fights because Im the Squire I win them because Im Catherine Foundling. Watch them take a swing. See where it gets them.