A Practical Guide to Evil - Vol 1 Chapter 17: Set
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Vol 1 Chapter 17: Set

Ill be honest, Chancellor revenge is the motivation for over half the decrees Ive made.

Dread Empress Sanguinia II, best known for outlawing cats and being taller than her

Nauk was napping when we got back to camp, resting lazily under a tree. One of his legionaries kicked him in the ribs when the war party passed by the sentries. Awaking with a growl, the orc swiped at the laughing dark-haired girl but she danced away. I raised an eyebrow at the exchange but passed no comment as I eased my armours straps and propped up my shield against a stone.

Humans, the wounded lieutenant rumbled. You always think youre funnier than you are.

I felt Id gotten enough of a handle on orc humour to know that was a joke. Still, it was always hard to tell with orcs.

Still funnier than you, Robber sniped as he set down his leather satchel.

Nauk eyed Robber balefully.

Youre still conscious? Only half a victory, then, the orc replied.

I didnt know why those two had been at each others throat since last night, but frankly I was far past caring.

If the two of you have that much fight left in you, I have a fort that needs taking, I told them flatly. Any volunteers?

Robber rolled his eyes and wandered away without a word, leaving me to deal with Nauk the orc scoffed but refused to meet my gaze. Yeah, Im definitely asking Hakram whats up with these two. Our situation was bad enough already without two of my few remaining officers taking verbal swings at each other in front of the troops.

We cleared the watchtower and dragged back their sergeant, I informed Nauk. Im guessing youll want to be there for the interrogation?

The orc grimaced.

Youll need to help me up, he admitted. My leg hasnt gotten any better.

I crouched next to him and slung his arm over my shoulder, knees almost buckling under the weight of him as I bore the other lieutenants mass.

Heavens, what did you eat to get this big? I wheezed, forcing myself upright.

Nauk grinned toothily.

Whatever was lying around at the time, he replied, were not as picky about food as you lot.

You should consider trying salad, I said, only half-joking. I hear its very slimming.

Do I look like a bloody elf to you? the orc grumbled as we crab-marched to the rocky outcropping Id seen my men dragging the sergeant behind. I might as well lick bark and frolic in meadows while Im at it.

Elves eat meat too, I informed him, tone thick with amusement.

Give it a few years and Lord Black will have us eating the elves, Nauk replied conversationally. My grandmother got a bite during the Conquest, said it was more tender than lamb.

Does it still count as cannibalism if its another species? Id have to ask Scribe, she probably knew. That aside, this was far from the first time Id heard an orc artlessly profess trust in Black. It was proving to be a recurring pattern.

Hakram said something along the same lines, I replied. He was keen on the Black Knight too. Is it an orc thing?

I almost stumbled when Nauk stopped moving, turning to face me with an unusual serious expression.

I like you, Callow, he rumbled, So Ill give you a piece of advice. You look like Wallerspawn and talk like a Callowan, so your folks were probably on the other side during the Conquest. You might have an axe to grind and thats your own business, but dont ever talk bad the Black Knight in front of a greenskin.

The orcs dark eyes burned with an intensity Id only glimpsed last night when Id seen him trashing a pair of legionaries with his bare hands, roaring challenges as he knocked their helmets together.

He raised us up, Callow, Nauk said fervently. He ended the wars between the Clans and told us that we could be more. That even if we were born in a hut, we could still become generals and lords instead of being meat in the grinder. If those fucking prissy nobles in the Tower were still in charge, I wouldnt even know how to read.

I was just asking, I replied quickly, awkwardly warding him off with a raised while still balancing his weight on my shoulder. Ive got nothing against him!

Nauk eyed me sceptically.

Even met him once, I continued, I was around when he had Governor Mazus hung.

The orc grinned, doubts apparently cast aside for the moment. I reflected ruefully that with every passing day I was getting better at lying while saying the truth no doubt Black would be proud. Or at least quietly approving, which was the closest Id ever seen him to expressing that actual emotion.

Heard about that, Nauk admitted. The old families in Ater threw a fit over it.

From the looks of it, the prospect rather delighted the lieutenant. I frowned as we crossed the last few yards separating us from our destination. That was another pattern Id noticed: most of the cadets hated the nobility in Ater with a vengeance. I could understand the resentment, having had a lean table at the orphanage more than once because of Mazus and his cronies, but it seemed to run deeper than that. Now that I thought about it, the Legion garrison in Laure had always been a little too eager to put the city guards in their place whenever they could. Id first stopped being scared of the large orcs in armour after seeing one run off guards harassing an old shopkeeper, back when I was seven. The legionary had even helped the old man back to his stall before leaving, I remembered. So the Legions of Terror and the nobles hate each others guts. Then why did Black have Mazus executed? Wouldnt that make things worse between them? My wayward teacher must have had a plan in mind, I guessed. Or, I thought with a sudden chill, hes decided its not worth trying to keep them happy anymore.

That was the stuff civil wars were made of, I knew, and the prospect of a Dread Empire at war with itself was horrifying. Wars were brutal enough between Good and Evil, but between Evil and Evil? There might not be an Empire left by the time the dust settled. Putting the line of thought aside for the moment, I focused on the matters at hand: I helped Nauk sit against a rock facing the still-unconscious sergeant from the First Company and let out a sigh of relief when I dropped off the weight. The sergeants hands and feet were bound with thick rope Id seen the sappers carrying around and Hakram was looming over her body with a patient look on his face. Robber was sitting cross-legged on a flat rock, flipping a brightstick in the air lazily and catching it at the very last possible moment. Hakram turned to face me, rolling his shoulders in an unconscious gesture: I could sympathize, after a night and half a day running around in legionary armour.

Nilins setting up the watches, me sergeant informed me. Says hell be along as soon as hes done.

I nodded absently, taking a closer look at our captive. The girl was on the short side, skin the same bronze colour as Captains and hair cropped close in the haircut most female legionaries seemed to favour. Her armour was dented noticeably around the ribs: it must have been a nasty hit that had put her down.

Do we know anything about her? I asked.

Names Juwan, Robber said, stopping to play with his stick. Shes from Thalassina, I think.

Thalassina was one of the three great cities of the Empire, I knew, along with Ater and Foramen down in the deep south. It was the largest port in the Empire and the main hub of trade with the Free Cities.

Lets wake her up, I said. We might have to move camp and Id rather do it before nightfall.

Hakram knelt by the prone sergeant and slapped her none too gently. I winced: not the way I would have done it, but then Id never interrogated anyone before. After a moment Sergeant Juwan blearily opened her eyes, squinting to get used to light before she took a look around her.

Well, this is unexpected, she croaked out. I dont suppose any of you asshats could give me a little water?

Hakram snorted and uncorked his canteen, carefully pouring into the captives open mouth he lost patience after a moment, pulling it away and closing it with a small pop.

Im Lieutenant Callow, I said. I have a few questions to ask you.

Lieutenant what? Juwan replied incredulously. Who in the Seventy Thousand Hells are you? Ive never heard of you before.

Seventy Thousand Hells? I blinked in surprise, sneaking a look at Robber to make sure I hadnt misheard that last part. The goblin shrugged.

They believe in all sorts of weird stuff in Thalassina, the sapper told me. Its all that salt in the air.

Thats rich coming from someone whose patron deity is called the Gobbler, our apparently unimpressed prisoner retorted.

Hit her, Hakram, Nauk opined over the goblins retort. They always get mouthy unless you hit them.

My sergeant shot me a questioning look but I shook my head. In all fairness, Robber had been asking for it.

Im new, I addressed Juwan. But thats irrelevant

Oh gods, the prisoner muttered, I was ambushed by a greenie. Im never going to hear the end of this.

Are you quite done? I said, a tad more sharply than before.

The sergeant shot me a condescending look.

Look, Lieutenant, she replied. Youre new, so its understandable you might not get how fucked you are. Junipers out there looking for you guys right now and youve got what maybe a line and handful of sappers? You cant win this.

My face turned blank as the sergeant continued.

Look, you managed to ambush my tenth so you did well on your first game, Juwan told me. You might even get transferred to a company that actually wins once in a while. Weve got Ratface and all your mages, just surrender the standard and we can all go home tonight.

I could feel the anger coming from the other three officers at our prisoners casual dismissal and I felt the stirrings of it too, deep in my gut. I passed a hand through my hair and forced myself to calm down. Dont make decisions angry. Angry means stupid, and if you get stupid youve already lost.

Sergeant Hakram, I said. Hit her.

Sergeant Hakram did.

Now, as I was saying, I continued icily. Im Lieutenant Callow. I have a few questions for you.

I really wished wed managed to keep at least one of the maps, because the vague outline Robber had traced in the dirt looked more like a Helike mural than the rendition of Spite Valley it was meant to be.

So that rock is our position? Nilin asked in a politely sceptical tone.

Robber rolled his eyes.

Thats the fort, he replied. Were the smaller rock.

We let out a small noise of understanding in unison. Our captive had been blindfolded and stashed in a corner with a legionary standing guard over her, now that the questioning was over. Id assembled the officers to hold an unofficial war council immediately after. Juwans interrogation had yielded enough information to make the skirmish at the watchtower more than worthwhile: the sergeants knowledge of troop disposition was a day old, but it allowed us to place our own position into a broader context. All of Rat Company except our motley band of survivors had been taken prisoner, we now knew, but there hadnt been enough room in the fort to keep seventy-odd legionaries. There was a secondary prisoner camp, and that meant wed just stumbled on a way to bring up our numbers before hitting the harder target. There was no way taking a shot at the fort with our current line and a half would be anything but suicide, but if we managed to free another tenth or even better, a few mages then it would be a whole other story.

We should move to attack the prison camp as soon as possible, Hakram said, breaking the thoughtful silence. Juniper might post more soldiers there when she learns we already took out a tenth.

The men marched all night and fought not even a bell ago, Nilin retorted, tone flat and disapproving. There are limits to what we can ask from them.

The men will have to tighten their belt if they want to win this, Sergeant, Nauk growled. Nobody said it was going to be a walk in the park.

Says the guy who was napping when we came back, Robber scoffed.

Enough, I intervened. Sergeant Nilin has a point. Id rather not attack a second time in daylight anyway, we might get followed back to camp.

That gave everyone pause, as Id intended it to: if even a single tenth found our camp, then that was it for the wounded and the handful of rations wed managed to salvage. An empty stomach wasnt the kind of enemy you could put down with a sword.

Therell be a least a line waiting for us there, Hakram rumbled. And theyll be dug in behind fortifications, you can be sure of it.

Junipers sappers are the second best in the College for building defensive positions, Robber admitted, though it ran against his pride to do so. They go by the book, though. If I get a look at it from a distance I could tell you what plan theyre using.

I closed my eyes and silently weighed the risks against the benefits. Night attacks were a messy enough business without going in blind, I decided. The sapper had already proved he could get around quietly, and with the watchtower out of the equation this might very well be the best chance wed get.

Take half a tenth and be back before sundown, I told the goblin. Dont take stupid risks, well need you for the assault.

Robbers answering grin was malicious as ever and he saluted before pushing himself up. I turned my attention back to the map as he left, wondering if I was making a mistake. The prisoner camp was my best shot at getting enough soldiers to assault the fort, I knew, but that meant Juniper knew it too. Were we headed right into a trap? It doesnt matter, I finally decided. I cant win this without taking risks, and this is the most reasonable one.

Put the troops on half-watch, I said, raising my head to look at the other officers. Everybody should try to get some sleep, weve got a busy night ahead of us.

Nauk grunted his assent and Nilin helped him up. Hakram was about to follow suit but I discreetly shook my head: I still had a few questions to ask me sergeant. The orc shot me puzzled look but remained seated at my side while the other two officers crab-walked away.

Lieutenant? Hakram prompted, raising a hairless brow.

Robber and Nauk, I said, going straight to the point. Whats their problem?

The tall orc grinned.

You didnt hear this from me, Hakram replied, leaning closer, but it so happens theyre both more than a little fond of Lieutenant Pickler.

The lieutenant for the sappers? I asked, surprised.

Thats the one, the orc agreed. Theyre not usually that blatant about it, but without her around to keep the peace I guess the knives are coming out.

I frowned.

And what does she have to say about this?

Hakrams grin widened, showing razor-sharp white fangs.

She might have mentioned something about how if they kept waving their genitalia around, something was bound to get stuck in a door hinge.

I bit my lip not to burst out laughing, sneaking a look at the retreating Nauks back.

I didnt know orcs could be attracted to goblins that way, I admitted.

Its not common, Hakram replied. But Nauks an odd one, and even I have to admit Pickler has a nice set of teeth.

Teeth, I replied, tone flat. Youre having me on.

The sergeant looked somewhat offended.

Teeth are very important, he defended himself. Why do you think no ones interested in humans? Youve all got cow teeth.

If someone had told me a year ago Id be sitting in the grass with an orc discussing the importance of molars in the mating habits of his species, I thought, I would have been rather dubious. Even now it felt more than a little surreal. Hakram apparently took my silence as a sign of displeasure, because he hurried on.

No offense meant, Callow, he assured me. Im sure youll find a nice human to eat berries and nuts with.

You know we eat meat too, right? I replied, rather bemused.

He snorted.

It doesnt count if you roast it first, he told me with a friendly pat on the shoulder. You might as well be chewing bread.

I didnt have the heart to tell him that that was rather the point. We walked back to camp in a comfortable silence and I found my bedroll, barely closing my eyes for a moment before sinking into sleep.

Only four and no patrols, Robber said.

I clenched my fingers and unclenched them, taking a closer look at the fortifications. The outer wall was made of stacked stones and about the height of a half a man, with torches every few feet and four legionaries patrolling the perimeter at regular intervals. Behind it the First Company had built a palisade of stakes, too high for my soldiers to climb over. It hid the inside of the camp. There was only one way into the camp itself, an opening in the palisade swerving to the right and wide enough to be held by half a dozen legionaries. It was open field all the way to the first wall, I saw, and I knew my soldiers would have to take out the guards if we wanted to avoid the attack turning into a disaster. If we dont, theyll sound the alarm and the rest of the line will hold us off in the opening until reinforcements can arrive. Eyeing the wooden palisade speculatively, I gestured for Hakram to come closer.

Could you break through that if we needed to? I whispered.

Her sergeant grimaced.

Not without a battering ram, the orc replied. Theyll have put up buttresses on the other side to hold it up, its in the manual.

It remained unsaid that we wouldnt have enough room to use a battering ram without tearing down a chunk of the first wall first, and that even then wed have to make the damned thing first. No, this was going to have to be about getting my men in through the front door. Sergeant Nilin gingerly made his way through the underbrush to me, looking as uncomfortable in the woods as I felt he was as much a city boy as I was a city girl, Id gathered.

Lieutenant, Sergeants, he greeted us in a murmur, snapping a parade-ground salute. All of our soldiers are in position.

Id told the sergeants to put all almost-thirty of my men in half circle around the camps only way in, the three incomplete tenths waiting in silence for the signal to assault the enemy. Only Robbers sappers had remained marauding about in the woods, but I could see them trickling back into the ranks one after the other from the corner of my eye.

Hakram, I said, Ill need volunteers to take care of the guards.

The tall orc grunted his assent and made back towards his men.

My sappers could handle that, Robber countered in a low voice. Less of chance well caught, too.

Your sappers are going to be with the rest of Hakrams tenth and my own, I replied.

The goblins yellow eyes shone with malevolent light in the dark of the woods.

We finally get to play with the fireworks then, Lieutenant? the sergeant asked eagerly.

Hit them with all youve got, Sergeant, I told him.

Wed been hoarding the sappers munitions so far, but now was the time to use them up. Id thought about keeping them for the assault on the fort itself, but been forced to conceded that if tonights rescue failed there would be no assault worth the name. Better to use the brightsticks to ensure that the enemy line was too stunned and deafened to form up properly.

Back to your tenths, gentlemen, I murmured. Lets get this wheel turning.

They replied with a handful of salutes and I ducked around a tree as silently as I could, electing to stay ahead of my legionaries so Id be in a better position to watch events unfold. Hakrams volunteers were already moving, I saw, the closest one crawling through the grass as he made his way across the open field. The next few moments would define if my offensive failed or not, I knew, so I held my breath as I watched the volunteer slowly make his way towards the unsuspecting guard. The legionary pressed himself against the outer wall as the guard passed him by, silently pushing himself up and climbing over the fortification. For an instant it looked like the sentry might hear him, but then the volunteer unsheathed his sword and hit the guard in the back of the head with the pommel. The First Companys sentry crumpled to the ground without a dull thump, and with a peremptory hand gesture I got my soldiers moving. Not a moment too soon, as it turned out, for a cry of alarm came from the other side of the outer wall. One of Hakrams volunteers had failed. I cursed under my breath.

Double time, I called out to my legionaries, running across the empty field as quickly as I could manage in armour.

A dark shape passed me by, then a second, and with my jaw gaping I saw Robber and his sappers scuttling across the grass with the unnatural grace of a pack of spiders. The goblins pushed ahead of my men effortlessly, their thin green limbs moving fluidly as they tore through the distance separating them from the opening. Raising my shield up, I forced myself to catch up with them, my soldiers following suit behind me. By the time my line got to the opening Robbers sappers had already spread out in a line and were watching a half-dressed tenth from the First Company form up.

Abacinate, Robber called out, his grin sharp and vicious.

All four goblins pulled out thin, elongated sticks and lit them up with the pinewood matches they carried around everywhere. They threw as one and I barely had the time to close my eyes before the brightsticks exploded, the deafening bang and bright light searing my eyelids anyways. Unlike a real brightstick those wouldnt blind permanently, but they still stung like a bitch. I opened my eyes, already moving forward, only to see the sappers had little spheres in hand, already lit.

Spargere, the goblin sergeant ordered, and the sappers rolled the balls under the enemys shields with unerring aim.

A moment passed and then a series of explosions scattered the first rank of the enemy, sending shields flying and throwing the legionaries to the ground. Those cussers packed quite a punch, for a training version. I grinned at the goblins as I passed them, my soldiers close behind, and the legionaries threw themselves into the holes the sappers had just torn with savage enthusiasm. A dark-skinned girl around my age bashed her shield against mine, but I used the momentum of the charge to push her down anyway. Knocking out the enemy soldier with the pommel of the short sword I didnt remember unsheathing, I pressed forward into the camp as my legionaries broke the enemy formation. The inside was nothing unusual, four lines of bedrolls where the last handful of legionaries were hastily putting their armour on. There was a long tent in the back where the prisoners were no doubt being held. Signalling for another handful of legionaries whod broken through to follow me, I set to pacifying the rest of the camp. It was a grim business, but now was not the time to be gentle. We overwhelmed the first enemy before he managed to land anything more than a glancing hit on my shield and pressed on to charge the next two. One of my legionaries got a nasty hit on the shoulder, but in a matter of moments it was done. Four outside, I counted mentally. Twelve at the breach, and three we just finished. If they were a full line, that still leaves There was a flash of flame and the legionary at my side was blown away.

Guess I still have to work on my aim for that one, a lone legionary in light armour mused as red-orange flames wreathed her hands for a second time. Youd be the Lieutenant in charge of that lot, then?

Lieutenant Callow, third line of Rat Company, I agreed as she raised my shield and steadied my footing. And youd be?

Lieutenant Assaye, fourth line of First Company, the honey-skinned girl replied with a smirk. Should have brought a mage, Callow. This is going to have to get messy.

I seem to have misplaced mine, I told her flatly. You wouldnt happen to have some spares in that tent, would you?

Well look at the mouth on you, Assaye said. Heres a tip, though, rookie dont banter with mages when theyre buying time to cast.

The flames wreathing the other lieutenants hand grew in intensity and gathered into an orb that the girl sent flying right at me. I smiled. Heres a tip for you, Lieutenant, I thought, learn to recognize when youre being baited. Ignoring the primal part of my brain that was screaming at me to duck out of the way, I raised my shield and ran right into the fireball. The impact nearly blew me off my feet but I grit my teeth and pushed through the flames, closing the distance separating me from the gaping lieutenant. There was no way I was taking another one of those, so I struck the girl on the temple with the flat of my short sword before she could summon up something more vicious. Before Assaye ever hit the ground, I dropped my shield and blade with a curse to put out the flames on my shoulder pads, doing my best to ignore the fact that I was letting out smoke like a small chimney.

Im not sure whether that was very brave or very stupid, I heard Robber mutter from behind me.

I heard she castrated an ogre in single combat, Hakram grunted back in a low voice. Thought that was just Ratface making the best of things, but Im starting to believe it.

I turned around to shoot both sergeants a dirty look but they adopted the most innocent expressions they could which, given that Robber was a yellow-eyed pyromaniac and Hakram had a set of teeth that would make most wolves balk, would have gotten them instantly convicted in any court of law.

If you two have time to gossip, I told them, youve got time to go check up on the prisoners were rescuing.

Aye aye, Lieutenant, Robber grinned, following Hakrams example and saluting before he made a strategic retreat.

As it turned out the tent held only a tenth of prisoners, which would have been disappointing if not for the fact that there were two mages and a sergeant among them. Both of the mages knew how to heal, which was even better news: I fully intended put them to work as soon as my troops got back to camp. Robber had argued we should take a different way back to our clearing to shake off possible followers, meaning the trip back was twice as long as the one to the enemy camp: it was the middle of the night by the time my soldiers were finally able to put down their shields. The sergeant wed rescued was a short brown-haired girl by the name of Kamilah with a nasty scar running across her cheek, and she was sitting in on the unofficial officers meeting Id ordered as soon as watches were set up. Nauk was getting his leg looked at so hed be missing this, but the orc lieutenant had shrugged and told me he didnt mind being brought up to speed when he was back on his feet. Id gotten the impression he was rather eager to start moving on his own again, and I could hardly blame him for it.

They moved some of us earlier today, Sergeant Kilian said. To the fort, I think I dont recall hearing anything about another prisoner camp. We used to be a full line of prisoners.

I was afraid youd say that, I muttered.

If thered been another camp it might have been possible to assault it to add a few more legionaries to our forces, though I doubted Juniper would have made it as easy on us the second time.

The forts next, then, Hakram rumbled.

We have healers now, Nilin disagreed. And enough soldiers to keep prisoners. We could take out some of Junipers patrols before risking an assault.

Were dealing with the Hellhound, not a godsdamned first-year, Robber chided him. The moment we make a patrol disappear shell be able to guess what part of the woods were in, and its all downhill from there.

Nilin shrugged.

Shell have at least a line getting healed and shell be forced to leave a garrison at the fort I say we should take our chances, he replied.

Were not meeting Captain Juniper on an open field, I cut in. Even if we win, we wont be in any shape to assault the fort afterwards.

Sergeant Kilian cleared her throat.

No disrespect intended, sir, she said, meeting my eyes squarely, but why are you in command? Youve been in the company for barely two days, if Im not mistaken.

My own sergeant growled, but I held up my hand.

Its a valid question, Hakram, I said. Lieutenant Nauk ceded command to me when he was wounded, but now that hes getting healed he has seniority.

Balls to that, came the voice from behind me.

I turned: the orc in question was striding towards us, leg finally out of its cast. I frowned at the other lieutenant.

Are you sure, Nauk? I like being in charge, I freely admitted, but youve been at this a lot longer than I have.

I would have been in that prisoner camp if not for you, Callow, the large orc replied. You got the standard and youve bloodied First Company twice. Only idiots change generals halfway through a campaign.

The short sergeant smiled uncomfortably.

It wasnt meant as a criticism of your performance, sir, Kilian said. I just thought it was a question that needed to be asked.

I could appreciate that. It would have been awkward for me to bring up the issue myself, anyway.

No offence taken, sergeant, I replied. Take a seat, Nauk. Were planning our next move.

The orc plopped himself on the log and everyone politely ignored the creaking sound that came from the wood except for Robber, who snickered and seemed about to make a comment when Hakram spoke up.

We should assault the fort in the morning, he gravelled. No point in giving them more time to prepare than necessary.

My sappers can have ladders done by then, Robber offered up, looking a little irritated hed been cut off from indulging in his feud with Nauk.

How are you doing on munitions? Nilin murmured.

The goblin waved his hand vaguely.

Out of cussers and brightsticks, still got enough smokers to ruin someones day, he told them. Ill manage.

Well have only two lines for the assault, Nauk rumbled. Thatll be hard fighting.

The officers looked rather uneasy at the thought, but I shrugged.

They wont have a full house waiting for us in the fort either, I replied.

Do or die, then, Hakram grinned. Worse comes to worse, we go out with a bang.

Nauk looked like he rather approved of the thought, slapping the other orcs shoulder cheerfully. I only barely refrained from rolling my eyes.

Lets set up a full watch tonight, I ordered. That makes it twice weve kicked the hornets nest sooner or later, something is bound to follow us home. Dismissed.

After a round of salutes, they rose and returned to their men. I remained behind, looking up at the night sky and wondering what tomorrows battle would have in store for us. Only one way to find out, I suppose.