To what base uses may we come!

Imperial Ram'ses dead and turn'd to clay Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.

O, that that earth, which set the Nile on fire, Should lie in gla.s.s! this is a fate too dire!

Ram, scarabs, flies, and _bakshish_ are, after all, the main things of Egypt and the Nile. I once asked Gooley Can confidentially:

"How many statues did the great king put up for himself--two hundred?"

"Oh, very many more than that! he was a busy man."

But in many departments he had his rivals. Now there was Bubastis I.

of the twenty-second dynasty. (His name seems somewhat similar to that of our old friend Bombastes, when p.r.o.nounced by a man with a cold in his head--but anyway, we'll call him "Bub.") He was a man of not a few accomplishments, many habits and some deeds: for instance, he made a grand-stand play when he started out for Jerusalem with twelve hundred chariots, sixty thousand hors.e.m.e.n and four hundred thousand footmen.

He took it hands down in a canter--and took a whole lot of other things, too, when he got his hands in the bags of Solomon's temple.

This was a "cla.s.sy" performance and gave him some small change for the evening of his days. Thebes was his home town and he was as well known in the all-night restaurants as Oscar Hammerstein is on Forty-second Street. He was a great poker player, and wore an amalgamated copper mask when engaged in a stiff game; it was a helpful foil when trying to work his pa.s.sage on a pair of trays. This, mind you, was in the stone age of poker, when a man couldn't hide his feelings when he held a full hand. To-day the player sits disconsolate and looks woebegone when glancing at his royal flush.

When Bub got hard up he made raids on the "capitulists" of the day, and often cleaned up both banks of the Nile, from Wady Halfa to Port Said.

When short of funds he frequently staked ten cars of watermelons or a bunch of steers on a single hand, and most always "pulled it off." He became infatuated with an odalisk who was a popular favorite at the Beni Ha.s.san opera house--the rock he split on was _Annie Laurie_, that good old song, then well known in Lower Egypt, which she sang with chic and abandon. Bub met her at the stage door after the performance, took her to a "canned lobster palace," and then eloped with her to the Second Cataract, instead of coming right over here to Niagara Falls and doing the thing up in regulation style. I a.s.sume they had a _Maid of the Mist_ at the cataract, and if so he certainly had his photograph taken in a suit of oilskin--but, of course, this is only an a.s.sumption.

However, it is a certainty that he was a plunger and often cornered the melon crop in the Produce Exchange at Abydos, when the sprouting season was delayed by floods. It is said that Bubastis I. had more scarabs buried with him than had any other king that ever ruled the land; I have no doubt of it, for some of them are offered daily at Shepheard's by a dozen scarab scalpers.

Some sceptical readers may raise their brows at this synopsis of a great man's life, but no suspicions need exist. It was all told to me in strict confidence by Gooley Can in his tent at Luxor, over a cup of afternoon tea. He explained that he had dug out these facts in the museums in the slack season when tourists were scarce, and that I could rely on them implicitly.

While he was at it, Gooley gave me a few tabloid truths regarding Setee I., who, it seems, rivaled and even excelled both Ram and Bub in the realm of sport. Setee, as his name implies, was not of royal blood, but was descended from a line of chair makers, having their main factory at Beni Suef. As a youth of eighteen he won the single sculls championship, defeating a large field. He was the captain of the cricket eleven, and defeated the Asia Minors in a game which lasted most of the summer, scoring three hundred and seventy-five runs off his own bat in the first innings. This was a great boost for cricket, and it has been popular in England ever since. He was fullback on the Pyramids eleven, and was famous in his day as a punter. He kicked as many goals for his side as ever Cadwalader did when "Cad" was Yale's great centre rush. It was Setee's custom, of a Sunday morning after church was out, to take his pole and vault the Sphinx, just to astonish the Arabs on their native heath; and he was never known to touch her back in making the record. In common with most of the great Pharaohs I have been describing, Setee had a trick of cutting his name on any statue of a dead one that he thought would advance his fame with future generations; he never hesitated to hack out the other fellow's signature and insert his own. In these cases he usually asked the stone-cutter to add a few kind words to show posterity that he was a great man and a good fellow. It will be seen at a glance that this broad-gauge and fearless type of man would be eminently fitted for a dazzling banking career, and feeling entire confidence in himself, Setee organized the First National Bank and Trust Company of Wady Halfa--a comprehensive t.i.tle, perhaps, but that was what was wanted.

He became its first president, and inaugurated a splendid system of banking--one very much needed to-day. Some of his plans embraced the charging of "reverse interest "--_i.e._, five per cent. for the responsibility of caring for the depositor's money. He had an act pa.s.sed compelling all of his subjects worth a thousand _piastres_ to deposit in the royal bank, and they had to do it. If anybody failed on him, the debtor had a tooth pulled every month till the debt was paid.

But somehow the snap was too soft, for it fell out that in a few years Setee had all the money and there was no more to get nor any customers to do business with, so he closed the bank and with great success promoted the first Nile Irrigating Company, the remnants of which are slowly working out their salvation to-day.

Gooley also stated that the men were not the whole thing by any means:

"Just think what a bird-of-paradise Queen Hatshepset was, and all the history she made!" enthusiastically exclaimed my historical Boswell.

She was the daughter of King Thothmes I., who gave her a Pullman palace car name; she was regarded as the Boadicea of the Orient. "Hattie"

built temples, fought battles, and was, in fact, found on the firing line during most of her reign. Like most other ladies, she had her personal idiosyncrasies: for instance, she wore men's clothes when not engaged in court functions; she shaved twice a week, but let her beard grow when on an extended campaign so as to give her all the appearance of a warrior. Hattie made a famous expedition to a place called Punt, and there she swindled the natives by exchanging the cheap dry-goods she had with her for gold and rare jewels. She married her half-brother, Thothmes II., and made it very hot for him during their reign. She wore the "pants" in theory as well as in practice and was the undisputed leader of the "four hundred" in Cairo, being the headliner in the Levantine book of _Who's Who?_ Her greatest work was the erection of the vast temple of Der-al-Bahari, part of it ornamented in fine gold. Hattie smote her pocketbook for the count on this structure--like as not she had to mortgage her Luxor villa to meet the final pay-roll. Den Mut was her architect and he grew rich as the buildings increased. He owned a centipede barge on the Nile, which was the badge of big money in those days.

[Ill.u.s.tration: RAM IN THE LIME-LIGHT, WITH THE INEVITABLE GOATEE. THE ONLY WAY HE COULD TRIM IT WAS WITH A BLAST OF DYNAMITE]

Gooley wasn't always a treasure; he frequently irritated me by designating certain things as "cool-o-sall'." I said to him one day:

"Gooley, when I was a boy they p.r.o.nounced that word _colossal_."

"Mr. Bayne, I don't care what they called it when you were a boy; I call it cool-o-sall', and that goes on the Nile. What's been good enough for King Edward you will have to put up with."

The crowd laughed and I subsided--for awhile. Afterward I caught Gooley on his dates, but he again called me down:

"Mr. Bayne, if you think you can do this thing better than I can, why, get up here and try it!"

And so we rattled along from one gibe to another till we mounted our donkeys, rode out from the temples and started for the steamer. As we came away we pa.s.sed Mr. Morgan, who had chosen the cool of the evening for his visit, even though the light was not so good.

There is an art in horse-racing known as the "hand ride," perfected by Todd Sloan--_i.e._, swinging the hands from side to side and thus rolling the bit to excite the animal. I tried it on my donkey and as he had never experienced it before, it excited him so much that he started out with a rush that threw me over his head before we had gone ten yards. I was somewhat crestfallen, but remounted, and took "an humbler flight" for the rest of the journey.

[Ill.u.s.tration: OUR OWN NILE DONKEY, "BALLY-HOO-BEY." KNEW HIS BUSINESS LIKE A BOOK, BUT OBJECTED TO THE TOD SLOAN RIDE (SPOKEN OF IN THE TEXT)--A WILD WEST EFFORT IN THE FAR EAST. ALI BABA, JR., IN THE SADDLE]

Next day we started down the Nile, stopping at many places, but as they did not compare in interest or importance with Luxor, Karnak or Thebes, I shall not try to describe them. The season was closing, the river had fallen six feet while we were coming down stream, and the Nile was now so low that we frequently stuck on the shifting sand-bars. As the pilots could not see the channels in the dark, we tied up at some town on the banks every night and consequently made slow time. After dinner the shopkeepers brought down their wares, spread sheets on the ground and opened up for business by torchlight and the light furnished by the steamer. The "Corks" were active buyers for home consumption, and after a violent pa.s.sage of arms usually got what they wanted at a discount of ninety per cent. from the first offer. If there is anything on earth that these towns did not bring down to us, I want to see it!--from monkeys to tame snakes in the line of living things, and from lion skins to mummies in the dead. The natives were not allowed on board, and as there was great jostling on sh.o.r.e, the "Corks" stood on the deck and the articles for sale were rolled in bundles and fired at them for inspection, the owners giving the price in _piastres_ by signs on their fingers. After a native made a sale, his fellows took him by the throat and ran him to the back of the dock. He had been successful and they would not allow him to compete again that evening.

Toward the end, some "Corks" would risk it and mix with the crowd on sh.o.r.e, but their clothes were literally torn off them in a few moments, which caused an immediate retreat. The natives were so excited and each so persistent in his efforts to get more than his share of the trade, that they frequently pushed one another into the Nile, wetting themselves and their wares, much to the amus.e.m.e.nt of the onlookers.

But high above this rude brawling the scarab stood alone. When a fresh bag of them was opened, a blight fell on all other wares. Bargaining in them, indeed, was regarded as a kind of sacred function, as it was believed we were dealing in the jewels and mascots of the deadest people in all history. No greater investment could possibly be made than to float a corporation and start a factory in Connecticut for their manufacture and distribution, for it is but the few who may own the genuine--there aren't enough to go round. None of the manufactured product need be offered in America; they can all be absorbed on the Nile. One man shouted with glee, as he waved a small bag of them in the air:

"What's the use of bothering with Steel common? See what I have got for a five-dollar bill!"

The sport ran high, and while it was active an Arab appeared on deck with a basket. He approached me and said he had five sacred kittens and some scarabs, and as he was not much of a salesman, a little short in his English and out of funds, he wanted me to auction them off to help him out. As I had done this kind of thing before, I accepted the delicate position and in a short time had planted his stock in new and responsible hands that would not be likely to throw it again on the market in its present critical condition. He gave me his oriental blessing and stole out softly into the night; his parents haven't seen him since.

Perhaps it may have been noticed that wherever we went there were unusual doings and excitement. This is true, as, long before we arrived anywhere, our coming was heralded in the papers, and as the party was exceptionally large, all Southern Europe and North Africa felt bound to get a whack at our pocketbooks.

Two striking things may be seen on the Nile. One is the irrigation of the land by hand: this is accomplished by lifting up the water in buckets by means of poles balanced with a weight equal to that of the water. This hard work is done by hundreds of thousands of natives, who are practically naked and do this labor in the hot sun. The banks are lined with them on each side for more than a thousand miles. When the length of the Nile is reckoned from its extreme source, it is four thousand and ninety-eight miles long, making it perhaps the longest river in the world, although the Mississippi, the Amazon and the Congo are about as long. Between Khartoum and the sea the Nile has six cataracts, some of them very rapid. Dry up the Nile and Egypt would be like the Desert of Sahara in a month; the river is its very heart's blood and makes it everything it is. Labor is cheap on the Nile: the men who hoist the irrigating water get only a few cents a day; a hotel waiter gets a dollar a month, with board and lodging; and so it goes in proportion.

The other activity that arrests one's attention is the planting of melon seeds in rows on the flat banks at low water. Later the river overflows them and when the flood subsides the plants are well on the way toward bearing. Our negroes call them "water-millions;" that name would be most appropriate in Egypt.

When Beni-Ha.s.san was reached we made an early start and rode out on donkeys to see the famous tombs hewn out of the living rock. As we were returning we met Mr. Morgan and his party coming up the hill. A sand-storm had blown up, and it was quite dark and very disagreeable.

I am sure he would have liked to be out of it, but he had his nerve and poise with him and went through to the bitter end. We had started while this same sandstorm was still in action; not being able to see clearly, we ran into a flight of Nile freight boats, and in trying to avoid sinking one of them got on a rock and it punched a large hole in our steamer's bottom. We sank almost immediately, but as our keel was near the river bed we had not far to go. It took twelve hours to pump out the boat and patch the hole, during which time the Morgan _dahabiyeh_ came up, but finding we were not in danger, pa.s.sed on.

Later we went after them and took the lead, but lost it again in shallow water.

[Ill.u.s.tration: TEMPLE OF LUXOR ON THE NILE. "RAM" IS VERY MUCH IN EVIDENCE, BUT ONLY A SMALL PART OF HIS SCULPTURAL OUTPUT IS SEEN, AS THE STONE-CUTTERS' LIENS HAVE NOT YET BEEN SATISFIED]

Next day we arrived at Cairo, and I found at Shepheard's an invitation for dinner from De Cosson Bey, who controls and manages all the great public utilities of Cairo. He married a Philadelphia belle who had often visited at my house in New York, so we had a very pleasant evening, rehearsing the scenes and experiences of _auld long syne_.

The evening was a social oasis in a strange land and quickly taught me how they live and what they do in Cairo. My hostess spoke the language like a native and managed her Arabic _menage_ with skill, _a plomb_ and distinction. I ate and drank many strange concoctions never previously included in any _menu_ I had ever had the pleasure of exhausting. I did not dare to ask the names of the rare dishes, as I might not have liked them if I had--sometimes one had better not "know it all," or even a part of it. To be thoroughly happy in a case like this it is best to leave minute details and even a general knowledge of such things to the inquisitive. I had, however, sufficient curiosity to speculate on the dishes, and have made a tentative _menu_ of them, a.s.suming the courses, from their color, flavor and general appearance, to be as follows:

--:--MENU--:--

NILE GREEN POINTS A pearl in every oyster

GUM(BO) ARABIC PUREE _Siccative_

CROCODILE HARD-BOILED EGGS Sauce _a la_ Queen Hat-shep-set

BREAST OF THE ONE-LEGGED PINK STORK Stuffed with Baby Sausages

BROILED SCARABS ON b.u.t.tERED TOAST Sauce _de la Pyramide_

BRIE _de_ BAGDAD Foil cases, Crimean vintage '34

BENI-Ha.s.sAN DATES

ALLIGATOR PEARS

CAFE _a la_ BWANA TUMBO From the Wady Halfa bean

Wine SAMIAN FIZZ

Music By the "FLOWER BUDS OF CAIRO"

Decorations By the BEGUM MACCUDDYLEEKI, period of Akbar the Great