Gone

“Is my child going to live, doctor?” A woman said crying. She clung to her husband’s shoulder to keep herself stable and to not fall down.

“We will do our best.” The doctor answered and then walked away in front of them. The couple and their three children were left outside the Emergency Room.

“What happened to Aubrey?” The eldest child asked nervously. He came right after his work.

“She was. .h.i.t by a car!” It was answered by his youngest sibling who hugged him tightly. “It is all my fault! I did not do it intentionally!” The child shook his head and keep asking for forgiveness.

**

“Hendria!” Aubrey shouted and ran fast towards her younger sister whose feet seemed like it had been rooted on the highway. The big truck is getting nearer, that is why she ran faster.

She’s almost been saved.

It’s almost okay, but things went out of her expectations. After she pushed her sister, she was. .h.i.t by a truck – she didn’t manage it to avoid herself. Her body was thrown on a tree and is the reason she hit her head.

“H-Hendria…” Aubrey muttered weakly. A lot of blood were flowing from her mouth. She was. .h.i.t by the truck so hard that she cannot even move her hand and feet, it feels like her bones were broken. When she saw her sister coming, she smiled. She noticed her sister has small bruises but she was saved and that’s what she was thankful for.

“Y-you’re alright.” She gladly said then blood trickled from her mouth again. The other parts of her body were also bleeding.

“Sister! I’ll call brother! Please fight! Sister!”  the child shook Aubrey to keep her awake, but all she heard were moans. Aubrey was in very much pain because of it.

“I…if I w..ere g..one, t..tu.rn on my ph..one. T..the pa..ssword is j..ust six nine six nine” Aubrey said smiling weakly, wanting to keep her eyes opened. “I th..think I ca..n’t make it.” she confessed and turned her head down. The child cried louder and louder and noticed their parents coming with an ambulance which will send them to the hospital.

IF it is your time, then it is your time. You can’t do anything to stop it. It is not the same with the digital clock that has a battery. It will always continue and nothing can stop it.

**

“Hendria went out of our house, I didn’t know that she will be on the other block. Good thing that Aubrey followed.” Their father said and breathed deeply. “But the life of Aubrey had been exchanged to save her sister.” Their father’s hands turned into fist in anger and punched the wall of the morgue. Then he let his tears streamed down.

“Papa, stop it.” Cier stopped his father and joined him in crying. “Do you think that Aubrey will be happy seeing us like this? No, right?”

“Enrico!” Their mother shouted to their father and hurriedly walked beside him while carrying Aubrey’s phone. “M..my child…” Tears keep streaming out when they read the message left by Aubrey for them.

Dear Mommy,

You know that I always love you right? You didn’t know because you were always busy. You didn’t know because you always prioritized other people than me. I did not understand why I am the one who is the most miserable of all your children.  Why am I the one who has never been given care? Why for all things, am I the one who always give ways? I always tried to understand that, mommy. But it really hurts that all I wanted is to die. My father’s case is still acceptable because he is busy abroad. But you? What about you? Why can’t you show me that I have value? I always endured when they have something but I have none…I only told myself it’s alright. I will not complain, I don’t want us to fight. One time, I plan to runaway, I want to go far away but I can’t. I can’t do it. Because you are my family. Why are you always comparing me to the other?  Are those things that I’ve  been doing not enough? Do you want another child that’s why you compare me? Mommy, I am not them. They are different from me. We will never be the same.

I always cry alone, already afraid to have a friend. What for? They will just leave me when they no longer need me. I am used  to being left alone. But, mommy, I expected. I thought that you will be my best friend on those times when my friends turned their back at me… those times that they are over with me and no longer need me. But you were not. You were busy with my eldest brother and my other siblings. And all I can do is to cry in my room, and tried to get used to the fact that I really don’t have someone. I really don’t have an ally. This is really my life. I think my life is really over.

I am writing this not because I want you to be guilty and pity me. I just wanted to lighten off my burden that I have always been carrying. I don’t have someone or anything to rely on besides my phone. This is the only thing I can hold on to. I just wanted you to read this on the day I die. I just wanted you to know that I’ve always love you despite of this being not obvious. How could I let you feel it if you refuse to notice me, right? I never received your attention.

If you’re reading this right now, I hope you will be happy, mommy. You no longer have a daughter to compare with the others, your no longer have a child to give allowance, to support, to fed and took shelter to. The house will now be s.p.a.cious. I hope you will be happy with daddy. If not, I will be sad. I will always be with you and watch you from heaven. Even though you didn’t feel it. I will always watch all of you from above, smiling like an idiot, thinking how beautiful it is to have a family like this. Because despite of all, I still love you and feel fortunate to be given a family.

Thanks for everything and I love you so much❤