I didn't wait for him to comment but hurried back to the long insurance office and retrieved the cardboard box full of my stuff from under my desk. I simply hadn't bothered to take it back to my reconstructed room and clutter the place up again with bits and pieces. Somewhere in that box were my father's wedding photos with wives one and two.

In the frame behind the picture of himself and Polly the letter from Vivian Durridge was as clean and fresh as the day I received it.

As a precaution, I made several copies of the letter and put them in one file among hundreds, and took the original to the chairman.

He had already, fair man that he was, retrieved from his records the short 'To whom it may concern' reference that Sir Vivian had spontaneously sent. It was lying on his desk on top of the magazine.

I handed him the letter, which he read twice.

'Sit down,' he said, pointing to the chair opposite his desk. 'Tell me what happened the day Sir Vivian Durridge accused you of taking drugs.'

'Five years ago' it seemed a lifetime 'like it says in the letter, my father wanted to make me face the reality that I would never be a top jockey.'

I told the chairman about the car and the chauffeur, and the hotel in Brighton facing the sea. I told him that my father had asked me to give him family background to help with his by-election campaign.

The chairman listened and at the end asked, 'Who, besides you and your father, knew that Vivian Durridge had accused you of drug taking?'

'That's just it,' I said slowly. 'I certainly told no one, and I don't think my father did either. Will you let me go and find out?'

He looked at the letter again, and at the reference and at the magazine article with its malice and lies, and made up his mind.

'I'll give you a week,' he said. 'Ten days. Whatever it takes. Before you came, Evan was second in command to an insurance specialist who is now on our board of directors. He will do your job until you come back.'

I was grateful and speechless in the face of his generosity. He merely waved me away with a gesture towards the door and, looking back as I left, I saw him slide the magazine, the letter and the reference into a drawer in his desk and lock it.

Back in my own office the telephone was ringing. My father's voice said, 'What the hell's going on? What does Vivian Durridge think he's doing? I can't get any answer from his telephone.'

The reason he couldn't get any answer from Vivian Durridge's telephone, I discovered three hours later, was because he was not in his own home.

The gravel in the drive was tidily raked. The porticoed front of the near-mansion spoke as usual of effortless wealth, but no one answered the door-bell.

Along in his stable yard there were no horses, but the head lad, who lived in an adjoining cottage, was pottering aimlessly about.

He recognised me without hesitation, though it was over five years since I'd left.

'Well, Ben,' he said, scratching his head, 'I never knew you took drugs.'

He was old and small and bandy-legged and had loved and been loved by the great beasts in his care. The life he'd lived in their service had pathetically gone, leaving him without anchor, without purpose, with only a fading mental scrap-book of victories past.

'I never did take drugs,' I said.

'No, I wouldn't have thought so, but if Sir Vivian says...'

'Where is he?' I asked. 'Do you know?'

'He's ill, of course.'

'Ill?'

'He's gone in the wits, poor old man. He was walking round the yard with me one day at evening stables, same as usual, when all of a sudden he clapped a hand to his head and fell down, and I got the vet to him '

'The vet vet?'

'There's a telephone in the tack-room and I knew the vet's number.' The head lad shook his own old head. 'So, anyway, the vet came and he brought with him the doctor and they thought Sir Vivian had had a stroke or some such. So an ambulance came for him, and his family, they didn't want us to say he was ga-ga, but he couldn't go on training, poor old man, so they just told everybody he'd retired.'

I wandered round the yard with the once supreme head lad, stopping at each empty box for him to tell me what splendid winners had once stood in each.

All the owners, he said, had been asked to take their horses away and send them somewhere else temporarily, but the weeks had passed and the old man wasn't coming back; one could see that now, and nothing was ever going to be the same again.

'But where,' I asked gently, 'is Sir Vivian at this moment?'

'In the nursing home,' he simply said.

I found the nursing home. A board outside announced 'Haven House'. Sir Vivian sat in a wheelchair, smooth of skin, empty of eye, warmed by a rug over his knees.

'He's confused. He doesn't know anyone,' the nurses warned me; but even if he didn't recognise me, he garrulously talked.

'Oh dear, yes,' he said in a high voice, not like his own gruff tones. 'Of course, I remember Benedict Juliard. He wanted to be a jockey, but I couldn't have him, you know! I couldn't have anyone who sniffed glue.'

Sir Vivian's eyes were wide and guileless. I saw that he now did believe in the fiction he had invented for my father's sake. I understood that from now on he would repeat that version of my leaving him because he truly believed it.

I asked him, 'Did you yourself ever actually see Benedict Juliard sniffing glue, or cocaine, or anything else?'

'Had it on good authority,' he said.

Five years too late I asked him, 'Whose authority?'

'Eh? What? Whose authority? Mine, of course.'

I tried again. 'Did anyone tell you that Benedict Juliard was addicted to drugs? If anyone told you, who was it?'

The intelligence that had once inhabited the Durridge brain, the worldly experience that had illuminated for so long the racing scene, the grandeur of thought and judgment, all had been wiped out by a devastating haemorrhage in some tiny recess of that splendid personality. Sir Vivian Durridge no longer existed. I spoke to the shell, the chaos. There was no hope that he would ever again remember anything in detail, but he would be for ever open to suggestion.

I sat with him for a while, as it seemed he liked company and, even if he didn't know who I was, he didn't want me to go.

The nurses said, 'It settles him to have people near him. He was a great man once, you know. And you're the second person, outside his family, who has been to see him recently. He is so pleased to have visitors.'

'Who else came?' I asked.

'Such a nice young man. Red hair. Freckles. So friendly, just like you. A journalist, he said. He was asking Sir Vivian about someone called Benedict Juliard, who had ridden his horses for him once. Oh, my goodness ' the nurses said, clapping hands to surprised mouths. 'Benedict Juliard... isn't that who you said you were?'

'That's right. What would Sir Vivian like that he hasn't got?'

The nurses giggled and said, 'Chocolate biscuits and gin, but he isn't supposed to have either.'

'Give him both.'

I handed them money. Vivian Durridge sat in his wheelchair and understood nothing.

I telephoned my father.

'People believe what they want to believe,' I said. 'Hudson Hurst will want to believe your son is a drug addict and he'll go around asserting to your colleagues that that makes you unfit to be Prime Minister. Well, you remember what I wrote that day when we made the pacts... that I would do my best to keep you safe from attack?'

'Of course I remember.'

'It's time to do it.'

'But Ben... how?'

'I'm going to sue him for libel.'

'Who? Hurst? Usher Rudd? Vivian Durridge?'

'No. The Editor of SHOUT! SHOUT!'

After a pause my father said, 'You need a lawyer.'

'Lawyers are expensive. I'll see what I can do myself.'

'Ben, I don't like it.'

'Nor do I. But if I can make a charge of libel stick to SHOUT! SHOUT!, Hudson Hurst will have to shut up. And there's no time to lose, is there, as didn't you say the first round of voting for the new leader is next week?'

'It is, yes. Monday.'

'Then you go back to your fish and chips, and I'll take a sword to Usher bleeding Rudd.'

From Durridge's place in Kent I drove across much of southern England to Exeter and round to the training stables that to me seemed like home, the domain of Spencer Stallworthy.

I arrived at about six-thirty, when he was just finishing his round of evening stables.

'Hello,' he said, surprised. 'I didn't know you were coming.'

'No...' I watched him feed carrots to the last couple of horses and wandered over to look into the box that had held Sarah's Future for three splendid years. It was inhabited now by a long-necked grey, and I grieved for the simple happiness of days gone.

Jim was still there, closing the boxes for the night, checking that the lads had filled the hay nets and positioned the water buckets: all so familiar, so much missed.

The evening routine finished, I asked if I could talk to them both for a while, which meant a short drive to Stallworthy's house and an issue of well-remembered sherry.

They knew my father was in the Cabinet and I explained about the power struggle. I showed them the centre pages of SHOUT! SHOUT!, which shocked them back to the bottle.

Jim blinked his white eyelashes rapidly, always a sign of disturbance, and Stallworthy said, 'But it's not true, is it? You never took drugs. I'd have known it.'

'That's right,' I said gratefully, 'and that's what I'd like you to write for me. A statement that I rode from your stables for three years and won races and showed no sign of ever being interested in drugs. I want as many affidavits as I can get to say that I am not a drug addict and never was as far as you can possibly tell. I'm going to sue this magazine for libel.'

Both Stallworthy and Jim were outraged on my behalf and wrote more fiercely in my defence than I could have asked for.

Stallworthy gave me a bed for the night and a horse to ride in the early morning, and I left after breakfast and drove along the familiar country roads back to the university.

The two years since I'd graduated seemed to vanish. I parked the car in the road outside the Streatham Campus and walked up the steep path to the Laver Building, home of the mathematics department. There, after a good deal of casting about, I found my tutor the one who had written for me the reference sought by Weatherbys and explained to him, as to Stallworthy and Jim, what I was asking of him.

'Drugs? Of course, a lot of the students experiment and, as you know, we try to get rid of the hard core, but you were about the last student I would have suspected of getting hooked. For a start, drugs and mathematics don't mix, and your work was particularly clear-headed. This magazine article is all rubbish.' Of course, a lot of the students experiment and, as you know, we try to get rid of the hard core, but you were about the last student I would have suspected of getting hooked. For a start, drugs and mathematics don't mix, and your work was particularly clear-headed. This magazine article is all rubbish.'

I beseeched him to put those views in writing, which he did with emphasis.

'Good luck,' he said when I left. 'These journalists get away with murder.'

I hiked back to my car and drove across country to my old school at Malvern.

There on its hillside campus, steep like Exeter University, though not so big, I sought out the man who had taught me mathematics. He passed the buck to my one-time housemaster, who listened and sent me to the Head.

The Headmaster walked with me down the broad familiar stone-floored passage in the Main Building and up the stone stairs to his study, where I showed him a copy of SHOUT! SHOUT! and also a copy of Vivian Durridge's letter. and also a copy of Vivian Durridge's letter.

'Of course I'll support you,' he said without hesitation and wrote, and handed me the handwritten page to read.

It said: 'Benedict Juliard attended Malvern College for five years. During the last two, while he was successfully working towards his A levels and university entrance, he spent all breaks either riding racehorses he won three steeplechases or ski-ing, in which sport he won a European under-18 downhill race.

In addition to those skills he was a considerable marksman with a rifle: he shot in the school team that won the prestigious Ashburton Shield.

In all these activities he showed clear-headedness, natural courage and a high degree of concentration. It is ludicrous to suggest that he was ever under the influence of hallucinatory drugs.'

I looked up, not knowing quite what to say.

'I admire your father,' the Headmaster said. 'I'm not saying I agree with him all the time politically, but the country could certainly do worse.'

I said, 'Thank you,' rather feebly, and he shook hands with me on a smile.

Onwards I went to Wellingborough where I briefly called in to see the chairman to tell him what I'd been doing and what I proposed to do. Then, taking a couple of the photocopies of Vivian Durridge's letter and his reference from their folder, and making copies of all the letters I'd collected, I drove to Wellingborough station and, tired of the roads, I caught the train to London.

SHOUT! emanated, it transpired, from a small and grubby-looking building south of the Thames. The editor wouldn't in the least want to see me but, late in the afternoon, I marched straight into his office shedding secretaries like bow-waves. He was sitting in a sweatshirt behind a cluttered desk typing on the keyboard of a computer. emanated, it transpired, from a small and grubby-looking building south of the Thames. The editor wouldn't in the least want to see me but, late in the afternoon, I marched straight into his office shedding secretaries like bow-waves. He was sitting in a sweatshirt behind a cluttered desk typing on the keyboard of a computer.

He didn't recognise me, of course. When I told him who I was he invited me to leave.

'I am going to sue you for libel,' I said, opening the copy of SHOUT! SHOUT! at the centre pages. 'I see from the small print at the beginning of this magazine that the name of the editor is Rufus Crossmead. If that's who you are, I'll be suing Rufus Crossmead personally.' at the centre pages. 'I see from the small print at the beginning of this magazine that the name of the editor is Rufus Crossmead. If that's who you are, I'll be suing Rufus Crossmead personally.'

He was a small pugnacious man, sticking his chest out and tucking his chin in like a pugilist. I supposed briefly that dealing with wronged and furious victims of his destructive ethos was a regular part of his life.

I remembered how, five years earlier, my father had pulverised the editor of the Hoopwestern Gazette Hoopwestern Gazette, but I couldn't reproduce exactly that quiet degree of menace. I didn't have the commanding strength of his vibrant physical presence. I left Rufus Crossmead, however, in no doubt as to my intentions.

I laid down in front of him copies of the strong letters from Spencer Stallworthy, Jim, my Exeter tutor and the Headmaster of Malvern College, and I gave him finally a copy of the letter Vivian Durridge had sent.

'The only good defence in a libel suit,' I said, 'is to prove that the allegations are true. You can't use that defence, because you've printed lies. It will be easy for me to establish that Sir Vivian Durridge is now hopelessly confused after a stroke and doesn't know what he's saying. Usher Rudd must have been aware of it. He was trying to revenge himself for my father having got him sacked from the Hoopwestern Gazette Hoopwestern Gazette. No reputable paper has employed him since. He suits your style, but he's dropped even you in the shit.'

Rufus Crossmead gloomily read the various papers.

'We'll settle out of court,' he said.

It sounded to me as if he'd said it often before, and it wasn't at all what I'd expected. I wasn't sure it was even what I wanted.