OFF THE WALL.

395.

Tie a piece of string to the inside doorknob of your front door. String it throughout the house, tracing a path that leads to the bathtub, which you've prepared especially for him.

Variation on a theme: Tie one end of the string to the doorknob, string it through the house-then tie the other end of the string to yourself. Wait patiently in the bedroom.

396 Write her a check for a million kisses.

397 Test drive a Porsche together.

398 Hide a (very) small gift somewhere on your body.

Then say to your lover, "I've got a gift for you, and it's hidden on me somewhere! Find it and it's yours!" Use your imagination-and be sure to leave enough time to participate in any "extracurricular activities" that may result from the search!

399 Some custom T-shirts that Romance Class participants have created: It's the real thing. Love.

Just do it. Love.

W.W.R.D. (What Would Romeo Do?) Got romance?

Chapter Theme Song:.

"Crazy," Gnarls Barkley

ON THE WALL.

One creative guy wrote a "proposal poem" with which to ask his girlfriend to marry him. He had the poem written in calligraphy and beautifully framed. He then went to the owner of a romantic little restaurant and arranged to have his poem hung on the wall next to a cozy booth. He took his gal out to dinner and waited for her to notice the "unique" artwork on the wall!

400 Several "off the wall"-or rather, "on the wall"-ideas from Romance Class participants: The Mosaic Room: A bulletin board for tacking up mementos overflowed onto the wall and eventually took over the entire den!

The Photo Gallery: Many couples have special walls full of funny, sentimental, meaningful, and romantic photos.

The Memory Wall: Some couples frame everything from ticket stubs and menus to dried flowers and greeting cards.

The Wine Wall: Two wine enthusiasts have wallpapered their dining room with wine labels from their favorite bottles.

The Travelogue Room: Two travel bugs have wallpapered two rooms (soon to be three) with maps of all the places they've visited.

401 Make a collage for her. The theme: her favorite fairy tale. Clip illustrations from several different books. Intersperse photos of the two of you! Combine classic verses from the story with phrases from your own lives.

"Where there is love there is life."

-Gandhi 402 Hire an artist to create a poster illustrating her favorite fairy tale or children's story-and have her pictured as the heroine!

THE MYTHS OF ROMANCE (I).

403 Myth: "The Battle of the Sexes."

What a foolish concept! Yes, it makes cute headlines in women's magazines, and exciting segments on TV talk shows, and funny scenes on sitcoms. However, there ain't no such thing as a battle of the sexes. There certainly are some psychological and physical differences ("Vive la difference!"), but there's nothing worth terming a "battle."

Here's the problem with this kind of thinking: It leads to stereotyping. You end up treating your partner like "all men" or "all women," and ignore the fact that he or she is really a unique individual. This stereotyping blocks real communication, it short circuits true intimacy, and it becomes a barrier to true love.

Beware the power of metaphors!

404 Myth: "Nice guys finish last."

Think about it: If you believe that "Nice guys finish last," I suppose that means that "Jerks and bullies finish first." Perhaps this is true in the business world and maybe in the world of sports, but it is definitely not true in the realm of intimate human relationships.

Note: "Nice" doesn't mean "wimpy" or "feminine." Nice means courteous, mature, gentlemanly, thoughtful, loving.

405 Myth: "Romance will save my relationship."

It's not quite that simple. If the romance is an expression of the love you feel, then it will save your relationship. But if the romance is just a show, just something you do to pacify your partner, then it won't.

True or False?-

"Nice guys finish last."

THE MYTHS OF ROMANCE (II).

406 Myth: "Romance will cover up my faults."

Sorry. A jerk who gives flowers is still a jerk. Romantic gestures may disguise your faults in the short-run-but your true personality will always reveal itself. Having realistic expectations about romance will enhance your relationship and help your love grow.

407 Myth: "Give her an inch and she'll take a mile."

This is a myth promulgated in men's locker rooms and in high school bull sessions. The key word here is "bull."

True or False?-

"Give her an inch and she'll take a mile."

If you "give an inch" on a consistent basis, you'll satisfy nearly any woman. It's when you're stingy with those romantic gestures that a woman builds up so much resentment that she demands "a mile" from you. And rightfully so.

408 Myth: "I can change him."

No you can't. People can be influenced, they can be adjusted, they can be manipulated-but they can't be changed or "fixed."

What you can do is help your partner learn better skills for expressing his or her feelings. If the feelings of love are in there somewhere, then you can help him to be more romantic.

MEN ARE FROM MARS.

409 Be aware that men and women tend to have different styles of communicating. Deborah Tannen, author of You Just Don't Understand, says that a man engages the world as "an individual in a hierarchical world social order in which he [is] either one-up or one-down." A woman, on the other hand, approaches the world as "an individual in the world of connections. In this world, conversations are negotiations for closeness in which people try to seek and give confirmation and support, and to reach consensus."

Without falling into the trap of simplistic stereotypes, Tannen explores the communication styles of men and women, and helps build bridges.

410 Ladies: Do you really think that he thinks the way you think?

Gentlemen: Do you really think that she thinks the way you think? Everyone: Think again!

He gives her lingerie: What he means: "You'd look great in this."

How she takes it: "He wants me to look like a slut!"

She wants to go out for dinner and a movie: What she means: "I want to go out for dinner and a movie."

How he takes it: "I'm going to go broke!"

He gives her one red rose: What he means: "This symbolizes my love for you."

How she takes it: "He's too cheap to buy a dozen."

She gives him this book: What she means: "This will improve our relationship."

How he takes it: "She's trying to turn me into someone else."

What to do? Talk more. Assume less. Listen more. Open your heart. Check your assumptions. And keep trying.

Chapter Theme Song:.

"Why Can't a Woman

Be More Like a Man?"

from My Fair Lady