LAME EXCUSES (#S 912)

231i Lame Excuse #9: "Oh, heck, she knows I love her."

She knows that you loved her at one time-but she may not be so sure about right now. Love must be expressed in order stay alive. Otherwise it simply withers away.

One of the most common excuses.

231j Lame Excuse #10: "It's simply not me to be romantic."

What you probably mean is that you're not "typically" romantic, or that you're not very openly demonstrative. This is fine, as long as you do express your love in some way, in a way that works for you and that your partner recognizes.

A really feeble excuse.

231k Lame Excuse #11: "I'm just not creative."

Untrue. Everyone is creative. It's simply a matter of where you apply your creativity. Most people use their creativity all day at work, then come home and shut it off.

A lazy excuse.

231l Lame Excuse #12: "I'm simply not eloquent."

Great news, Shakespeare! You don't have to be eloquent in order to be romantic! A simple "I love you" usually does the trick. And besides, I'll bet that she knows you well enough to suspect that your talents lie in areas other than poetry.

Grasping at straws!

LAME EXCUSES (#S 1314)

231m Lame Excuse #13: "I'm just too tired to be romantic."

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Oh, my! Poor baby! Let's help. No, not by propping up your feet so you can watch TV more comfortably-but by really helping you. First, we'll take you to the doctor, to make sure you're not anemic. Then we'll start you on an exercise program. Then we'll improve your diet. Then we'll get you started on a yoga program. Then we'll make sure you stop working overtime, and get home to your loving partner at a reasonable hour.

Get over it!

231n Lame Excuse #14: "It's been so long since I've been romantic that if I brought home a dozen roses her first reaction would be to ask me what I've been up to."

I'd say she has a right to be skeptical, don't you? She really wants to be reassured that this romantic gesture isn't just something you've done because you read it in a book(!). She needs to know that the gesture is genuine-and that it's not a one-time occurrence. You're just going to have to prove yourself over time. (Believe me, it's worth it!) Bonus Lame Excuse: "I'm afraid she'd be so shocked if I were to be romantic that she'd have a heart attack and die."

FOR MEN ONLY.

232 Wear a tuxedo home from work.

233 A shopping trip for men (storespecific). Buy one item from each store. Gift wrap in separate boxes.

A bath shop A lingerie boutique A card shop A liquor store A flower shop A quality jewelry store Women love how a man looks in a tuxedo. I think it's genetic.

234 Another shopping trip for men (product-specific): Pick up all these items in coordinated fragrances: Body lotion Hand lotion Foaming bath gel Dusting powder Potpourri Shampoo Conditioner Perfumed soap Fragrance candles Oils 235 Secret Romantic Idea for Guys Only. Record or TiVo the Super Bowl-and take your wife out to dinner during the game!

Think about it: You only have to do this once. She'll be thrilled. She'll be telling all her friends how wonderful you are. (More bonus points for you!) And you will get to see the game-just three hours later than everyone else. And heck, the game is usually a letdown anyway.

This one is worth 10 zillion points in the Relationship Accounting Department!

FOR WOMEN ONLY.

236 Send him a letter sealed with a kiss. (Use your reddest lipstick.) 237 Send him a perfumed love letter.

238 Send flowers to him at work.

Chapter Theme Song:.

"Ain't No Other Man," Christina Aguilera The rules have changed: It's now appropriate and acceptable for women to give flowers to men.

239 Don't position yourself against his passions. Please don't force him to choose between you and his golf/football/basketball/cars/fishing! There's room for football and females in most guys' lives. If you're in love with a fanatic, you have to remind him why he used to be fanatical about you, too-and why it's worth his while to be a fan once more!

240 Read the book Iron John, by Robert Bly. It offers a fresh and insightful look at masculinity. Learn that the "Wild Man" inside him need not turn him into an insensitive macho guy; see the partnership that the book offers between the masculine and the feminine. (If your guy hasn't already read this book, give it to him when you're finished with it.) A heartfelt appreciation for the positive, powerful, endearing, and enduring qualities of men: What Men Won't Tell You but Women Need to Know, by Bob Berkowitz and Roger Gittines.

FOR SINGLES ONLY.

241a Think Like a Married Person: Strategy #1 Build Intimacy Dating as a "lifestyle" is okay for a few years, but most singles long for a serious, monogamous, intimate relationship. Ask yourself what your real goals in dating are. (Making the scene? Looking good? Scoring?) If, instead, intimacy is your goal, you'll share more of yourself sooner, you'll communicate honestly, and you'll listen to one another more attentively.

241b Think Like a Married Person: Strategy #2 Think Long-term The single brain is consumed with short-term goals. (This Saturday night. What will I wear? Will he kiss me tonight? Will she sleep with me on the second date?) Chill out, singles! A long-term mind-set will relieve a lot of your stress, help you be more "yourself," and give you a better perspective on things.

241c Think Like a Married Person: Strategy #3 Communicate!

Have you ever noticed that single people often do a lot of talking without really communicating? The singles scene is characterized by a lot of posturing, boasting and clever bantering. Those who get beyond these superficial things most quickly tend to end up in the best relationships.

Chapter Theme Song:.

"Soulmate,"

Audio Adrenaline

Think like a

married person!

FOR MARRIEDS ONLY.

242a Think Like a Single Person: Strategy #1 Flirt!

When's the last time you actually flirted with your own spouse? Try it the next time you're out in public together. You'll give your partner a pleasant jolt-and you'll have fun, too. Think back tall those little things you used to do while you were courting one another-and try them out again.

242b Think Like a Single Person: Strategy #2 Pursue Instant Gratification The typical mind-set of a married person is long-term. The positive side of this is that long-term can mean security, commitment and comfort. The negative side is that it can also mean boredom, laziness, and complacency. One way to combat this negative side is to adopt the mind-set of a single person: It's a mind-set of instant gratification. Horny?-Make love now. Thinking of her?-Call her now. Appreciate him?-Hug him now. Walking through a mall?-Pick up a little love-gift now.

242c Think Like a Single Person: Strategy #3 Seduction When's the last time you seduced your spouse? How often do you bother to set the mood, play the music, dress the part, say the right words, do the little things? Think back to your seduction techniques from when you were single. (C'mon-don't play innocent with us here!)

Chapter Theme Song:.

"Love and Marriage,"

Frank Sinatra

"A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason-and indeed all the sweets of life."

-Joseph Addison Think like a single person.

A MONTH OF ROMANCE: WEEK 1.