_Sneer_. But how will the audience be brought to conceive any probable reason for this sleep?

_Fust_. Why, sir, she has been meditating on the present general peace of Europe, till by too intense an application, being not able thoroughly to comprehend it, she was overpowered and fell fast asleep. Come, ring up the first ghost. [_Ghost arises_.] You know that ghost?

_Sneer_. Upon my word, sir, I can't recollect any acquaintance with him.

_Fust_. I am surprized at that, for you must have seen him often: that's the ghost of Tragedy, sir; he has walked all the stages of London several years; but why are not you floured?--What the devil is become of the barber?

_Ghost_. Sir, he's gone to Drury-lane playhouse to shave the Sultan in the new entertainment.

_Fust_. Come, Mr Ghost, pray begin.

_Ghost_. From the dark regions of the realms below The ghost of Tragedy has ridden post; To tell thee, Common Sense, a thousand things, Which do import thee nearly to attend: [_c.o.c.k crows_.

But, ha! the cursed c.o.c.k has warn'd me hence; I did set out too late, and therefore must Leave all my business to some other time.

[_Ghost descends_.

_Sneer_. I presume this is a character necessary to divert; for I can see no great business he has fulfilled.

_Fust_. Where's the second ghost?

_Sneer_. I thought the c.o.c.k had crowed.

_Fust_. Yes, but the second ghost need not be supposed to have heard it. Pray, Mr Prompter, observe, the moment the first ghost descends the second is to rise: they are like the twin stars in that.

[2 _Ghost rises_.

2 _Ghost_. Awake, great Common Sense, and sleep no more.

Look to thyself; for then, when I was slain, Thyself was struck at; think not to survive My murder long; for while thou art on earth, The convocation will not meet again.

The lawyers cannot rob men of their rights; Physicians cannot dose away their souls; A courtier's promise will not be believed; Nor broken citizens again be trusted.

A thousand newspapers cannot subsist In which there is not any news at all.

Playhouses cannot flourish, while they dare To nonsense give an entertainment's name.

Shakspeare, and Jonson, Dryden, Lee, and Rowe, Thou wilt not bear to yield to Sadler's Wells; Thou wilt not suffer men of wit to starve, And fools, for only being fools, to thrive.

Thou wilt not suffer eunuchs to be hired At a vast price, to be impertinent.

[3 _Ghost rises_.

3 _Ghost_. Dear ghost, the c.o.c.k has crow'd; you cannot get Under the ground a mile before 'tis day.

2 _Ghost_. Your humble servant then, I cannot stay.

[_Ghost descends_.

_Fust_. Thunder and lightning! thunder and lightning! Pray don't forget this when it is acted.

_Sneer_. Pray, Mr Fustian, why must a ghost always rise in a storm of thunder and lightning? for I have read much of that doctrine and don't find any mention of such ornaments.

_Fust_. That may be, but they are very necessary: they are indeed properly the paraphernalia of a ghost.

_Sneer_. But, pray, whose ghost was that?

_Fust_. Whose should it be but Comedy's? I thought, when you had been told the other was Tragedy, you would have wanted no intimation who this was. Come, Common Sense, you are to awake and rub your eyes.

_Q. C. S_. [_Waking_.] Who's there?--

_Enter_ Maid of Honour.

Did you not hear or see some wond'rous thing?

_Maid_. No, may it please your majesty, I did not.

_Q. C. S_. I was a-dream'd I overheard a ghost.

_Maid_. In the next room I closely did attend, And had a ghost been here I must have heard him.

_Enter_ FIREBRAND.

_Q. C. S_. Priest of the Sun, you come most opportune, For here has been a dreadful apparition: As I lay sleeping on my couch, methought I saw a ghost.

_Sneer_. Then I suppose she sleeps with her eyes open.

_Fust_. Why, you would not have Common Sense see a ghost, unless in her sleep, I hope.

_Fireb_. And if such toleration Be suffer'd as at present you maintain, Shortly your court will be a court of ghosts.

Make a huge fire and burn all unbelievers: Ghosts will be hang'd ere venture near a fire.

_Q. C. S_. Men cannot force belief upon themselves, And shall I then by torture force it on them?

_Fireb_. The Sun will have it so.

_Q. C. S_. How do I know that?

_Fireb_. Why I, his priest infallible, have told you.

_Q. C. S_. How do I know you are infallible?

_Fireb_. Ha! do you doubt it! nay, if you doubt that, I will prove nothing. But my zeal inspires me, And I will tell you, madam, you yourself Are a most deadly enemy to the Sun; And all his priests have greatest cause to wish You had been never born.

_Q. C. S_. Ha! sayest thou, priest?

Then know, I honour and adore the Sun: And when I see his light, and feel his warmth, I glow with flaming grat.i.tude towards him; But know, I never will adore a priest, Who wears pride's face beneath religion's mask, And makes a pick-lock of his piety To steal away the liberty of mankind: But while I live, I'll never give thee power.

_Fireb_. Madam, our power is not derived from you, Nor any one: 'twas sent us in a box From the great Sun himself, and carriage paid: Phaeton brought it when he overturn'd The chariot of the Sun into the sea.

_Q. C. S_. Shew me the instrument and let me read it.

_Fireb_. Madam, you cannot read it, for, being thrown Into the sea, the water has so damaged it That none but priests could ever read it since.

_Q. C. S_. And do you think I can believe this tale?

_Fireb_. I order you to believe it, and you must.