I just had to get to her before anyone else did.
"ARE YOU IN THE FETAL position again?"
I raised my eyes and saw my dad upside down, looking at me in concern. I could tell he was concerned because his eyebrows were beginning to quiver.
"Have the papers come yet?"
Dad crossed his arms. "You're supposed to be in the shower and getting ready for school. You're going to be late. It's not that bad. Come on, up off the floor."
"No."
"Up, Anna."
I didn't respond but just closed my eyes and attempted to drown out him and the rest of the world. Next thing I knew, his hands were gripping underneath my arms and he was lifting me to my feet. I wasn't going to make this easy for him.
"Anna!" he grumbled as I flopped over like a rag doll so he was holding up all my weight. "You're supposed to be almost thirteen. Not a child. Come on; stop playing!"
After a few minutes of struggling to get me to stand, he cried, "That's it!" He dragged me out of my bedroom, my upper body still hanging limply over his forearm. "What did I do to deserve this?" I heard him mumble as he pulled me down the hall.
"You made me get born and then you ruined my life," I moaned, still keeping my eyes closed.
Suddenly Dad lifted my legs and plonked me in the bathtub, switching on the shower while I was still in my Snoopy nightgown. "Dad!" I yelled, after screaming in surprise. "My pajamas are all wet!"
"Shower, get dressed, get ready for school, and face up to things. You can make it all better." With that he stomped out, still grumbling about dramatic preteens, slamming the bathroom door behind him.
Defeated, I showered, brushed my teeth, and got dressed. Dad had put the newspapers out on the kitchen table ready for me as I came in for breakfast. "Like I said, it's not that bad. Only a couple of pictures in the back sections. Eat up quick and I'll drive you in; you're going to be late."
I sat down, sighed heavily, and picked up the first paper, turning straight to the gossip columns. And there, just as I knew there would be, were pictures of Marianne, Brendan, and me leaving the On the Rox show. One photo was captioned "Anna Huntley left the concert with a mystery male friend."
The photographers had been waiting for us as we left the venue. I should have expected them; it was a high-profile show and they weren't stupid. They would have known someone was going to be there, and with all the rumors surrounding Marianne and the lead singer it would have come as no surprise that she was in attendance.
Since I didn't have my phone and it was too late to call Jess's house phone, I was up most of the night worrying that the pictures would go up online before I got the chance to explain why I had lied to her. And when morning came, my worst fears were confirmed-they were on almost every gossip website that people at school always check out. The whole school would know by now. Jess must hate me.
I slumped my head down on the table and pushed the papers away. I couldn't get out of this one. "It won't be that bad," Dad said, in his most comforting tone. "You can sort it out."
I tried to believe him as I walked through the school doors and saw Danny and Jess chatting to each other by their lockers. They both stopped talking. Danny shifted his weight from one leg to another uncomfortably.
"Hey," I began.
"Hey," Danny said, with a small smile. I could tell he was nervous.
"Jess, I was going to explain this morning. I didn't expect the photographers. But what happened was-"
"You don't have to explain," Jess interrupted me quietly. She took her textbook from her locker and shoved it in her bag. "Don't worry about it."
"I am worrying about it. It looks awful but I can explain, sort of. Basically I-"
"Anna." She held up her hand to stop me. "Just don't, okay? I get it. We all get it."
"No, that's not what I-"
"I should have known I wasn't good enough to be seen with you," she almost whispered.
"What?! That's crazy! It wasn't like that," I protested desperately. I looked up at her pleadingly, but she was just staring at her feet, her face going red.
"Like I said, Anna, I get it. You've got new friends now. Danny and I are not the type that someone like you should be hanging out with. It makes sense, honestly. I'll see you around." Without waiting for a response, she walked off to her class.
I put my face in my hands and groaned. "Danny, you have to believe me. I was going to tell her this morning, first thing. I was going to explain what an idiot I was. The papers got to her first, but I wasn't going to hide it from her."
"I believe you." Danny nodded slowly. "But maybe Jess is right. Maybe you have just moved on from us now."
"No, Danny, it's not like that. I was just really stupid. Honest. I'm a terrible It Girl. I'm a terrible friend. I don't think Brendan even likes me that much, and I know that Josie Graham thinks I'm more of a loser than ever. I don't know how I could have ever thought that I had a shot at being popular and not being an annoyance to you guys. I completely messed up and I'm really sorry. I've made everything ten times worse."
"Anna, do you think that we're mad at you because you and Brendan don't . . . click?"
"I thought that if Brendan took me to the dance everyone would like us." I slumped against the lockers. "I wanted you guys to be proud to be my friend, not embarrassed."
Danny looked pensive for a moment, and then he smiled gently at me. "You really have been stupid."
"I know."
"No, I'm not sure you do."
I looked up at him, feeling my eyes get hot again as I held back tears. "I don't know what to do to make everything better."
"Anna, I know your brain works in kind of a weird way, but maybe you're not concentrating on what's really important here. Maybe . . ." He paused. "Maybe you need to focus on when you feel happy and when you don't."
"What do you mean?"
He clutched his books to his chest. "I don't know; I'm probably not making sense. I had better go to class. See you later and . . . don't look so sad. It will be all right."
I almost didn't notice Sophie and Josie watching me in the hall as I made my way down it after eating lunch alone in the library. I was so lost in thought about what I could do to fix everything with Jess that it was only when Josie spoke that I lifted my head to pay her any attention. "Well, look who it is. Have a fun night with Brendan? What a joke."
"Pretty sly of you to ask Brendan to the show behind our backs," Sophie added bitterly.
"Did you think he might like you?" Josie taunted. "Well, if you thought that bribing him to be your friend with tickets was going to work, you were wrong. He's going to ask Sophie to the Beatus dance. Jack told us."
I took a deep breath. I actually felt relieved to come clean and be honest with myself as well as everyone else. "Sophie, he is all yours. I'm sorry if you were upset that we went to the show. If it makes you feel any better, I don't think either of us had a very good time. I'm sure he would have much rather been there with you."
Sophie looked at me, shocked. She opened her mouth to speak but then closed it again.
"I really hope you have a good time at the Beatus dance together. I mean that. Okay, well see you guys around."
I started to walk away, but Josie still had more to say. "Have fun at the dance without a date, loser," she declared, flicking her hair back. "No one will want to go with someone like you. Unless they feel sorry for you or something." She began sniggering at her own comment.
"Shut up, Josie," Sophie said suddenly. She threw her bag over her shoulder, nodded at me sharply, and then walked past me down the hall to her next class, leaving a gaping Josie in her wake.
When I got to detention, Connor didn't even look up as I sat down next to him. I thought it might have been coming, but it still hurt. "Hey," I tried.
"Hi," he said quietly, still not looking at me. I peered over to see what he was working on in case I could coax some conversation out of him about a new sketch, but it was his math homework. MATH. Connor Lawrence was actually doing some work. In detention? Something was very wrong.
"Where's your sketchbook? Aren't you still working on that project?"
He shrugged. "Not today."
He didn't bother to explain. I tried again. "Do I get to see it? You haven't shown me this new strip you've been working on."
He just shrugged again and didn't look up.
"Connor, is everything okay with us?"
It clearly wasn't.
"Course." And that was all I got.
I tried to get on with my own work, but I couldn't stop myself from sneaking looks across at Connor, feeling sick to my stomach at him being so distant.
He must have sensed it. "How was the show?" he asked suddenly. "I didn't realize you and Brendan were an item."
"We're not," I replied hurriedly. "He's with Sophie."
"Didn't look that way," Connor said quietly, flipping a page of his book with the end of his pen before continuing with his notes.
"Connor," I said firmly, trying to get him to look at me, "I'm not interested in Brendan. I know it looked like that but-"
"Honestly, Anna? I thought you were cool. Really cool. But you don't seem to know what you're doing or who you're hurting." He looked up at me finally, but I regretted hoping he'd face me. His eyes were intense and angry. "Like Jess."
I felt a lump form in my throat. Of course he wasn't upset that I had gone with Brendan to a show. He was upset because I had hurt someone he liked. Why couldn't I get anything right?
Then Mr. Kenton told everyone to quiet down, and Connor didn't talk to me for the rest of detention.
"Well done, kids," Mr. Kenton said wearily as we packed up to go. "Last detention of the semester. Next semester, try not to get into trouble. Some of us want social lives."
Connor didn't even pause at my desk but muttered, "See you at the dance I guess," on his way past before joining Max by the door. Even Max looked disappointed in me as he followed him out.
I glumly waited for everyone else to leave before packing up. "Now," Mr. Kenton said as I stood up, "you've made great progress this semester, Ms. Huntley."
"Actually, I think I may have taken a few steps backward."
"Ah." He smiled kindly, taking a deep breath. "Well, then the only thing to do is to find a way to go forward again."
I left him humming Abba songs and packing up his never-ending pile of grading.
On the walk home I pondered what Danny had said that morning, about realizing when I was happy. I definitely wasn't happy today. Jess wasn't speaking to me, Danny was disappointed in me, and Connor was acting like we weren't even friends.
I slowed down as I thought about it until I almost came to a standstill on the pavement. Had I actually enjoyed hanging out with the Queen Bee of our school? I had never really felt at ease around her, I had been so focused on trying to impress her the whole time. Had I even enjoyed Sophie's birthday party? I remember feeling very tense and worrying about how I looked and what I said. I remember being so flattered that Brendan, who never noticed me before I was declared an It Girl by the national press, had spoken to me that I had caused the mess I was in now. I definitely hadn't enjoyed the On the Rox show when I couldn't even dance in front of him.
The popular girls had dropped me as quickly as they'd taken me in, but that wasn't what was making me sad. And I don't think that's what Jess and Danny were sad about either.
That was what Danny was talking about when he said what was important.
I mean, I don't see why he couldn't have just said that rather than speaking in riddles that took me an ENTIRE DAY to work out.
Dog leaped at me as I came through the door. "The first person all day who has been pleased to see me!" I laughed as he wrestled me to the ground and licked my face. "Dog. What am I going to do? I have to come up with something tonight. What can I do at the dance tomorrow to prove to Jess that I'm really, truly sorry?"
Dog barked. I blinked at him. "I don't speak bark, Dog. You're going to have to come up with another way of telling me. Try using that sign language I taught you that time. I knew you weren't paying attention. This will no doubt prove I was right."
He looked at me. I looked at him. Then Dog threw back his head and howled.
"Argh," I said, covering my ears. "Why did you do that? That was awful! That was-"
Suddenly I stopped. Suddenly it hit me what I had to do.
Oh. No. Oh no.
Dog got to his feet and rushed off as he heard Dad come out of his study.
"Anna? Was that Dog howling? How was your day?" Dad came around the corner, holding a wad of paper that he must have been reading. "I bet you've had a tough one. I've got a great movie lined up that will put a smile on your face. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. You'll love it. Plus I thought we could get takeout. And don't give me any of that 'I won't fit into my dress tomorrow' nonsense."
"That sounds great, Dad," I said numbly, getting to my feet. "But first I have to give Marianne a call."
Dad leaned against the wall and raised his eyebrows. "How come?"
"Because"-I took a deep breath-"I need her help to make me the biggest loser in school again."
"Let me get this straight," he snorted. "You've spent your entire life complaining about not being popular and, now that you are popular, you want to be unpopular again?"
"That's correct." I nodded.
"You know what?" he said, raising his eyes to the ceiling. "I'm not even going to ask."