Did I hold the nail they pierced Him with, or did the thorns pain Him with my sins?

Do I, as Peter, deny that I ever knew Him by not confessing Him to my friends?

Do I love my brothers and sisters enough that I would lay down my own life for them, or do I love Him enough to introduce my Savior to a lost world?

Oh Lord, may I be aware daily of Thy sufferings for me, for I am not worthy of Calvary.

I think Momma would agree that I'm the keeper of the door to my heart. To love and forgive others as I've been loved and forgiven by Jesus, I have to guard what I allow to take root in my heart. If I open my heart to self-pity, anger, grudges, and unforgiveness, I give the enemy of my soul an invitation into a very expensive home-a home purchased by the blood of Jesus. But as I become fluent in the language of heaven, as I open the door of my heart to Jesus and in His strength forgive others, that's when I'm set free.

Afterword.

After I share the details of my story and how I survived those unbelievable years, I'm often asked, "So how's your brother, Daniel? Where is he now? And how did he cope with everything?" I'm happy to report that Daniel made it through those storms as I did. He's been a strength to me when the waves are high and winds are blowing.

I credit much of our "post-traumatic success" to Aunt Dot. When she promised Daddy that if anything happened to him, she'd take care of his children, she became both Momma and Daddy to us. She made a decision to do everything in her power to give us the life that our parents would have wanted us to have and enjoy. I am forever grateful for her love and investment in our lives.

For example, in middle school when Daniel showed an interest in music, Aunt Dot didn't hesitate to help him get a saxophone. He polished his skills and ultimately played in the band from those early years well into college. He's so musically inclined he plays the guitar by ear and can read music-just as Momma did. I know Momma would be pleased that her love for music and talent were pa.s.sed down to her son.

One of Aunt Dot's goals was to help us get our college degrees. Having pieced together a patchwork of grants, scholarships, and personal savings, we did. I graduated from Missouri State University with a bachelor of science degree in interior design; Daniel graduated from the University of Alabama with a mechanical engineering degree. I know Daddy would have been proud of Daniel for working so diligently to obtain that degree.

I should point out that Daniel is a spitting image of Daddy. He's six foot three and handsome just like my daddy. He loves the Word of G.o.d and cares about people and living out his purpose here on the earth. Even though Daddy is gone now, we have a big part of him here in Daniel. I'm so proud to call him my brother.

What's more, my brother has felt the tug of ministry on his heart. Loving and serving G.o.d has taken him to Scotland and Mexico on mission trips as well as on several homeless-outreach missions. Daniel followed the call of serving others just as my parents did. It has been a blessing to me to have such a friend in my brother and to watch him walk out a life of integrity and service.

The world would have lost a lot had Daniel died the night Mr. Watts blew out two windows in his bedroom, sending gla.s.s and wood into his crib. G.o.d obviously had-and continues to have-big plans for my brother.

After I got married and Daniel graduated from college, Aunt Dot was left with an empty nest. Through the years she has kept herself busy going on mission trips to India and holding women's conferences along the Gulf Coast. She continues to work part-time in the legal profession. Aunt Dot still lives in theNichols family home in Mobile where she finished raising me and Daniel. She loves the fact that Daniel bought a house only a few miles from her. Although I'm living in the Nashville area, we all get together on holidays and other times during the year, visiting and building memories together in our old homeplace. Aunt Dot says that one of her greatest joys in life now is being "Grandma" to Kolby and Katelin.

Permit me a final thought.

One of my favorite verses is Job 42:10, which says, "After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before" ( made him prosperous again and gave him twice as much as he had before" (NIV). Like Job, I've experienced suffering. And yet, like Job, I believe that G.o.d has given me blessings beyond my imagination. For me, my "twice as much" is my family.

Take, for instance, my incredible husband, Kenny. When we first started dating, I felt the need to warn him that, because of my past, Iwas probably going to be a "high maintenance" person. I put Kenny through a small tidal wave of emotional testing just to see if he was in the relationship for the long haul.

In a way I was surprised when Kenny pa.s.sed my exam, proving to be even more than I could ever have hoped or asked for. He was not scared off by my brutal honesty and continues to stand beside me when my past, like a thunderstorm, rains on the present moment. On my wedding day, Daddy's absence was felt. Thankfully, I had Daniel, who did a first-cla.s.s job filling Daddy's role of giving me away.

Then there are my two heaven-sent angels, Kolby and Katelin, who complete me as a mom and are a daily reminder of G.o.d's goodness and restoration. I pray that when they grow up, they will carry with them the insights into the Lord that Kenny and I have imparted to them and that those life lessons will sustain them until their race is finished. My life is beautiful because of the love they so freely give me.

Acknowledgments.

In a moment of panic, realizing I needed to somehow try to thank all the wonderful people in my life who stood with me through thick and thin, I grabbed book after book off the shelves in my office. With books piled high, I readat least a dozen different acknowledgments written by both the famous and the everydaywriter. My hope was to find just the right words to express my grat.i.tude.

Thank you seems insufficient to describe how grateful I am to have had such an army of prayer warriors and advisers who have steadied me through the front lines of so many battles. These strong people held my arms when I grew weary during those times. I'm thankful to the ones who have so carefully dressedmy heart wounds and prescribed the medicine (the Word) to direct me on to my purpose and the nextvictory.

Because of you, my journey has beenfilled with love, grace, and lots andlots of patience. My heart is filled to the brim with a sense of indebtedness and joy as I thank the following people: Kenny, the one my soul loves, I know G.o.d gave you strength for both of us. Thank you for slaying all the dragons of fear as Iwrestled with the past while writing and living in the present; for all the years you've listened to my storyas I repeated it countless times to those whowanted to hear it; for helping me live beyond the pain; and for reminding me that it's not just about surviving but about living a victorious life with the help of Jesus and those around me.

I greatly appreciate all the days you filled in the gaps and kept our family world normal when I had to work on the book. Your understanding meant everything to meon the daysyou came home from a long day at work only to discover that dinner was nowhere in sight. I'm thankful thatyou are a great cook-I know the kids are grateful too. You amaze me with your endless talent and G.o.d-given abilities. I'm soblessed to be loved by you.

Kolby and Katelin, thank you for making Mom smile on the days when I wanted to cry and for giving me hugs and laughter when I thought about all the things I've lost. You are my "so much more"-my exceedingly, abundantly, blessing-upon-blessing gifts from G.o.d. You fill my life with joy and hope. I look with antic.i.p.ation to the futureand all that G.o.d is going to do in your lives so that you can bless others and bring glory to Him.You know what I love about you both? Everything!

Daniel, my dearest brother, I am thankful that you have such a forgiving heart and that you don't hold grudges. That's important, being that you're my little (big) brother.You are one of the most kind and most caring people I know. The character of G.o.d is clearly seen in you and in the way you love your family and friends. You bless my life with your friendship and love. Thanks, too, for your input on the book.

Aunt Dot, your life of grace and G.o.dliness has been a wonderful gift to me. You have been the lighthouse in the storms of my life. Thank you for shining the light of love on my heartand always directing me back tothe Word. You have carried well the parental responsibilities of raising Daniel and me to love G.o.dwith a genuine and sincere faith. Iam so grateful for you and for the love you show so selflessly. Thank you for being my memory when I was too young to recall some of these events. I am so blessed to call you Mom and friend.

The following family members were part of the glue that held the pieces of my life together with their love. Without them, Daniel and I would have been unloved andplaced in an orphanage. They truly are what life is all about.

To the Nichols family (Dad's side): Grandpa and Grandma Nichols, Daniel and I will be forever grateful that you took us in and gave us a loving and safe home and that, after raisingseven kids of your own, you cared for us during your later years and had the courage to love and discipline us like our own parents would have. Thank you. One day we'll be together again.

Likewise, Aunt Daisy, Joe (your memory lives in our hearts), Jim, and John Wade; Aunt Martha and Uncle John, Billy Sa.s.ser, and family; Lynn and Rick and Kristi; and Uncle Richard and Aunt Judy, Grant, Shannon and family, you all mean the world to me.

To the Welch family (Momma's side): Grandpa and Grandma Welch, the time we shared was too short, but your love lives on in our hearts. The memories we have with you are love, laughter, and wonderful family holidays. Even the tears tied us together as a loving family. And Uncle Ed (we miss you) and AuntShirley, Eddie and Beth and family; Aunt Sue (we'll see you on the other side) and Justin Price and family, you all rounded out my world in ways that only a devoted family could.

Thanks to the extended Alonzo family(my in-laws), Norman and Nancy Alonzo:Norm, in your sweet and funny way, you asked me if I thanked you in my acknowledgments. The truth is, I can't thank you and Nan enough forwelcoming me into your family and loving me like your own daughter. When theBible says that G.o.d restores what the locusts have eaten, I was blessed with y'all. Your support and encouragementmean more to me than I can express in this small thank-you. Likewise, Norman Jr. and Lori and Becca; Roland and Pam Savin and family, you have been a treasured gift to me.

To my family in the Lord:Your belief that this story needed to be shared with the world kept me going on days when I wanted to throw a brickat the computer screen and run out thedoor. Thank you for praying and standing with me.

Jeff and Courtney Ball and family, Mark and Melinda Flint, Curtis and Rhonda Gray, Steve and Cindy Hollander, Shino and Kelli Prater, Derek and Linda Schujahn, Peter and Nicki Penrose, the Barker Family, and my little sis, Wren Wimmer: I can't write this without tears welling up in my eyes. You have been our "through thick and thin" friends. Your friendship has made this journey we're on together full of love and laughterand always G.o.d centered. Thank you for letting me and my family be a part of yours and for sharing holidays and fun times together. And the thank-yous could go on and on.

Thanks to my Bible study group for your constant prayers, love,and support: Maretta Rohrer, Kellie Seboa, Alice Bray, Sharon Campbell, Kathi Katina, Jane Hayes, Cristi Robinson, Missy Worton, Lenair Sparks, and Robin Mowbray-thank you for your encouragement and writing accountability.

Breeon Phillips, who heard my story and sent the synopsis to a friend and got the publishing ball rolling, thanks for being the flame that started the fire.

Bob DeMoss, I have written so many thank-yous to youin my mind while we have colabored over this book. You are an amazing writer and collaborator. I'm thankful that G.o.d allowed your abilities to grace this work. Thank you for the countless hours of constructing this story from tiny pieces of information and then turning it into a masterpiece. Only G.o.d knows all the sacrifices you and Leticia made to make this dream a reality. For all the time we asked ourselves if this book would ever be finished, I am deeply grateful for your persistence to push through to the last written word. Because of your commitment and effort, this story of forgiveness and redemption is forever recorded, and I am eternally thankful to you and your family.

Missy Worton, thank you for introducing me to Bob DeMoss. Your heart for this story blesses me beyond words.

Greg Johnson and WordServe Literary Group, thank you for taking a chance on me by flying to Nashville just to hear me tell my story and, in turn, believing it was "book worthy." Thank you for your support and prayers throughout this project. Your patience and a.s.surance that this book would be written brought peace to my soul on days when I could not see the end in sight. Thank you.

Tyndale House Publishers, I am thankful that my life has been touched by such people of integrity and sincerity. You have blessed me with your notes of encouragement and thoughtful gifts. I have a new respect for the publishing world. I had no idea of all that is involved informing a story into a readable project. I simply took reaching over to grab a book and reading it for granted.

My thanksto the Tyndale book team, especially Jan Long Harris for taking time to listen and agree this story had to be told; Sharon Leavitt for being so real and making it easy on meas a first-time writer; Mark Taylor and his commitment tocontinue his father's legacy through Tyndale, which publishes my favoritetranslation of the Bible, the New Living Translation; and Doug Knox and the rest of my new friends at Tyndale-please accept a lifetime of thank-yous for makingmy dream come true.

My thanks to Sam Chappell and Andy Miller, who offered their advice on the legalities of writing this book.

A special thanks for sharing your memories, love, and faith go to E. J. and Pat Sellers, Missy Sellers Gore and Terri c.o.x, Carolyn Sellers, Sue Buffkin, and James and Eleanor Tyree. For the time and memories of Eddie and Johnnie Sellers. Thanks to the members of Free Welcome Church who stood with us in the line of fire and for loving us like part of your own family. I, as well as my family, thank you for your undying devotion and service to the church and Kingdom of G.o.d.

To DetectiveGeorge Dudley, who came to our home countless times to protect and investigate and for sharing your own account of what happened, thank you.

To Captain David Mobles of the sheriff's department of Whiteville, for your willingness to help locate any information concerning our story.

I am so thankful to know that there are people in the world who will lend a helping hand in a time of need, even if they've just met you. That is the case with Niki Dennis, clerk of the Superior Court in Bladen County, North Carolina. For your time, compa.s.sion, and persistence to help us locate information on a thirty-year-old case.I am thankful for youra.s.sistance and to know a kind person like you.

Clara Cartrette, because of your coverage of our story in the newspaper,you provided us with a tremendous foundation of accurate information upon which we could build the details of this book. Your pa.s.sion to get thisstory out for the public to read during the years of terror brought an awareness to the community and now to anyone who reads this book. Thank you for your tireless effort.

How can I thank ATF Agent Charles D. Mercer? Wherever you are, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being relentless in seeing justice served for the bombings my family experienced while living in Whiteville. All those years of investigating paid off.

My thanks to the pastors who have ministered countless times to me and my family through prayers, counsel, and just being there whenwe needed them: Rice and Jody Broocks, Ron and Lynette Lewis, John and Maretta Rohrer, Jim and Kathy Laffoon, Rafe and Liz Young, Charles and Barbara Green, Dave and Ina Newell, Sam and Jody Hawkins,and Rick and Karen Long. Also thanks to our Bethel church family herein Nashville and Grace Fellowship of Slidell, Louisiana, led by Pastors Curtis and Rhonda Gray.

To my mom and dad, your willingness to pick up your cross and follow Jesus at any cost demonstrated your unquestionable obedience to G.o.d's Word and love for others. Your desire to reach a lost world and bring hope to the brokenhearted continues to be a powerful testimony of G.o.d's unending love. Even though our time together on this earth was short, your love will last a lifetime in my heart. I'm thankful that we don't have to say good-bye, only "see ya later," until we are reunited for eternity.

Most of all, I am gratefulto Jesus. I am forever thankful for Your unfailing love and mercies that are new every morning, for making Yourself more real to me each moment we spendtogether. I love You more than life itself. I am so grateful thatYour Word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path. That everywhere I go, You go with me. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

My Savior, my Friend, and my soon-coming King: Praise be to You forever and ever.

Notes on Chapter Opener Photos

Chapter 1: Rebecca Alonzo.

Chapter 2: Robert and Ramona (Welch) Nichols on their wedding day Chapter 3: Robert and Ramona Nichols, while doing evangelistic work in Brinkley, Arkansas, in March 1967 Chapter 4: Free Welcome Holiness Church in Sellerstown, North Carolina Chapter 5: Rebecca Nichols standing in front of the parsonage Chapter 6: Robert and Rebecca Nichols during the family's 1973 vacation to Cherokee Chapter 7: Robert Nichols along with H. J. Watts (behind him and to his left) and two unidentified men Chapter 8: Five-year-old Rebecca Nichols on one of her many "weddingdays"

Chapter 9: Free Welcome Holiness Church.

Chapter 10: The last photo of Robert and Ramona Nichols with their children, taken in fall 1977 after Robert performed a wedding Chapter 13: H. J. Watts in 1981, just after he had changed his plea from not guilty to nolo contendre in his trial for bombing and conspiracy

Chapter 14: Rebecca Nichols with her aunt Dot in 1987.

Chapter 15: Kenny, Rebecca, Kolby, and Katelin Alonzo.

Afterword: Daniel Nichols

Notes.

1 Willie Sellers is a pseudonym. Willie Sellers is a pseudonym.

2 Willie Sellers comes to mind: E. J. Sellers, interview with author, October10, 2007. Willie Sellers comes to mind: E. J. Sellers, interview with author, October10, 2007.

3 Old-timers claimed that, as a youth: E. J. Sellers, interview with author, October 10, 2007. Old-timers claimed that, as a youth: E. J. Sellers, interview with author, October 10, 2007.

4 Mr. Watts was quick to swallow the small fish in town: Mr. Watts is described as "a county kingpin," which speaks to his reputation and character. Debbie Norton, "Watts's Guilty Plea Climaxed Surprising Case," Star News, February 20, 1981. Mr. Watts was quick to swallow the small fish in town: Mr. Watts is described as "a county kingpin," which speaks to his reputation and character. Debbie Norton, "Watts's Guilty Plea Climaxed Surprising Case," Star News, February 20, 1981.

5 The farmers took the bait: Clara Cartrette, "Watts Pictured As 'Rich, Powerful Man' Who Plotted," The News Reporter, n.d. The farmers took the bait: Clara Cartrette, "Watts Pictured As 'Rich, Powerful Man' Who Plotted," The News Reporter, n.d.

6 One of Watts's favorite lackeys: Debbie Norton, "Watts's Guilty Plea Climaxed Surprising Case," Star News, February 20, 1981. Clara Cartrette, "Witness Says Watts Asked Him to Kill Nichols," The News Reporter, February 19, 1981. Roger Williams testified in court that "he acted as a paid 'strong arm' for Watts . . . to help collect unpaid debts." One of Watts's favorite lackeys: Debbie Norton, "Watts's Guilty Plea Climaxed Surprising Case," Star News, February 20, 1981. Clara Cartrette, "Witness Says Watts Asked Him to Kill Nichols," The News Reporter, February 19, 1981. Roger Williams testified in court that "he acted as a paid 'strong arm' for Watts . . . to help collect unpaid debts."

7 "That's the way to go, buddy": Clara Cartrette, "Witness Says Watts Asked Him to Kill Nichols," The News Reporter, February 19, 1981. "That's the way to go, buddy": Clara Cartrette, "Witness Says Watts Asked Him to Kill Nichols," The News Reporter, February 19, 1981.

8 "Mr. Watts, I get my advice": Clara Cartrette, "Nichols Testifies to Bombings at Sellerstown," The News Reporter, February 5, 1981. "Mr. Watts, I get my advice": Clara Cartrette, "Nichols Testifies to Bombings at Sellerstown," The News Reporter, February 5, 1981.

9 "Mr. Nichols, it doesn't look": Ramona Nichols's journal. "Mr. Nichols, it doesn't look": Ramona Nichols's journal.

10 "You had better not tell my wife": Robert Nichols's journal. He also testified to these statements in court, as reported in Clara Cartrette, "Nichols Testifies to Bombings at Sellerstown," The News Reporter, February 5, 1981. "You had better not tell my wife": Robert Nichols's journal. He also testified to these statements in court, as reported in Clara Cartrette, "Nichols Testifies to Bombings at Sellerstown," The News Reporter, February 5, 1981.

11 crawling or walking: Clara Cartrette, "Nichols Testifies to Bombings," The News Reporter, February 5, 1981. crawling or walking: Clara Cartrette, "Nichols Testifies to Bombings," The News Reporter, February 5, 1981.

12 The antics of Mr. Watts in pew number seven: Clara Cartrette, "Tyree Tells of Disruptions," The News Reporter, February 9, 1981; Debbie Norton, "Witness Tells of Hearing Key Suspect in Case," Wilmington Morning Star, February 6, 1981. The antics of Mr. Watts in pew number seven: Clara Cartrette, "Tyree Tells of Disruptions," The News Reporter, February 9, 1981; Debbie Norton, "Witness Tells of Hearing Key Suspect in Case," Wilmington Morning Star, February 6, 1981.

13 And, while Detective Dudley had a hunch: George Dudley, phone interview with author, January 22, 2009. This explosion, as well as the others directed at the Free Welcome parsonage or church, are itemized in Clara Cartrette, "Many Charges against Three County Residents," The News Reporter, January 29, 1981. And, while Detective Dudley had a hunch: George Dudley, phone interview with author, January 22, 2009. This explosion, as well as the others directed at the Free Welcome parsonage or church, are itemized in Clara Cartrette, "Many Charges against Three County Residents," The News Reporter, January 29, 1981.

14 During the Sunday morning service: Robert Nichols's journal. During the Sunday morning service: Robert Nichols's journal.

15 Mr. Watts, arms folded high across his chest: Robert Nichols's personal journal. Details of the bombing itself were reported in "Field Near Parsonage Dynamited," The News Reporter, December 5, 1974; "Minister's Family Is Hara.s.sed," Fayetteville Observer, December 6, 1974. Mr. Watts, arms folded high across his chest: Robert Nichols's personal journal. Details of the bombing itself were reported in "Field Near Parsonage Dynamited," The News Reporter, December 5, 1974; "Minister's Family Is Hara.s.sed," Fayetteville Observer, December 6, 1974.

16 "Last week's dynamite hit out behind the house": Larry Cheek, "The Embattled Pastor," Fayetteville Times, December 9, 1974. "Last week's dynamite hit out behind the house": Larry Cheek, "The Embattled Pastor," Fayetteville Times, December 9, 1974.

17 The handwritten note told Mr. Watts "to keep your mouth": Debbie Norton, "Writing Expert Testifies Suspect Printed Notes," Star News, February 10, 1981. The handwritten note told Mr. Watts "to keep your mouth": Debbie Norton, "Writing Expert Testifies Suspect Printed Notes," Star News, February 10, 1981.