"She has got it!"

"Yes," sez Josiah, "and you'll see that she will put in and work lively, now she's got it; she'll show what she can do."

"Yes," sez I, dryer than ever, and more sharper; "before she got a stun laid for a foundation to rest the World's Fair on, before she got a stick laid for Christopher to plant one of his feet on, she begun to buy up hull streets of housen to rig up for saloons, to make men drunk as fools, to make murderers and a.s.sa.s.sins of 'em.

"I wonder what Columbus would say if he could stand there and see it go on."

"He'd probable step in and take a drink," sez Josiah.

"Never," sez I. "The eye that could discover without actual sight, the soul that could apprehend without comprehension--that could look fur off into the mist of the onknown, and see a New World risin' up before his rapt vision--such a eye and such a soul didn't depend on bad whiskey for its stimulent. No, indeed!

"He didn't lay round in bar-rooms with a red nose, and a stagger onto him. He wuz up and about, with his senses all straight, and the star he follered wuzn't the light of a corner saloon.

"No, indeed! He see the invisible. He wuz beloved of G.o.d, and hearn secrets that coa.r.s.er minds round him never dremp of. He didn't try to cloy up them Heavenly senses with whiskey. No, indeed!

"And Isabella now, if that likely creeter could be sot down in front of that long street of grog-shops, she would almost be sorry she ever sold her jewelry, she would be so sot back by seein' that awful sight."

"O shaw!" sez Josiah, "she didn't sell her jewelry."

"Wall, she wuz willin' to," sez I.

"Id'no as she wuz. She jest talked about it; wimmen must talk or bust anyway, they are made so."

"How are men made?" sez I dryly, as dry as ever a corncob wuz, after many years.

"Oh, men are made so's they try to answer wimmen some--they have to; they have to keep their hand in so's to not lose their speech on that very account. I presume Columbus knew all about such things. He had two wives; he knew what trouble wuz."

I see that man wuz a-tryin' every way to draw my attention away offen them long streets of saloons built up in Chicago, and I wouldn't suck.u.mb to it. So I branched right out, and back agin, and sez I--

"The idee of a civilized city, after eighteen hundred years of Christianaty--the idee of their doin' sunthin' that if savage Africans or Inguns wuz a-doin' the World would ring with it, and missionaries would start for 'em on the run, or by the carload.

"There is a awful fuss made about a cannibal eatin' a man now and then, makin' a good plain stew of him, or a roast, and that is the end of it; they eat up his flesh, but they don't make no pretensions to fry up his soul; they leave that free and pure, and it goes right up to Heaven.

"But here in our Christian land, in city and country, this great man-eatin' trade costs the country over a billion dollars a year, and devours one hundred and twenty thousand men each year, and destroys the soul and mind first, before it tackles the body.

"They go as fur ahead of cannibals in this wickedness as eternity is longer than time.

"And the Goverment, this great beneficent Goverment, that looks down with pity on oncivilized races--the Goverment of the United States sells and rents this man-eater and soul-destroyer at so much a year.

"If I had my way," sez I, a-gittin' madder and madder the more I thought on't--

"If I had my way I'd bring over a hull drove of cannibals and Hottentots, etc., and let 'em camp round Uncle Sam a spell, and try to reform him.

"And the first thing I would have 'em make that old man do would be to empty out his pockets, turn 'em right inside out and empty out all the accursed gains he had got from this shameful traffic. And then I'd have them cannibals jest trot that old man right round to every saloon and rum-hole he had rented and wuz a partner in the proceeds, and make him lay to and empty out every barrel and hogset of whiskey and beer and cider, and make him do the luggin' and liftin' his own self.

"And then I'd let them Hottentots drive him round a spell to all the houses of infamy in which he wuz in partnership, and I'd make him haul some matches out of his pockets and set fire to 'em, and burn 'em all down, every one of 'em.

"And then I'd let the old man set down and rest a spell, and let them heathens instruct him and teach him a spell their way of man-eatin'. And I'll bet after a while they could git the old man up to their level, so if he sot out to kill a man, he would jest kill him, and not destroy his soul first. For he hain't upon a level with 'em now," sez I, a-lookin'

firm and decided at my pardner.

And he sez, "I shouldn't think you would dast to talk so about Uncle Sam; you have always pretended to like him--you would never bear to hear a word agin him."

"Wall," sez I, "it is because I like him that I want him to do right. Do you spoze a mother don't like a child when she spanks him for temper, or blisters him for croup, or gives him worm-wood for worms?

"I love that old man, and wish him awful well, and when I see him so n.o.ble and sot up in lots of things, it jest makes me mad as a hen to see him so awful mean and little in others.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "I love that old man, and wish him awful well."]

"I wouldn't think I liked him half so well if I sot down and see him stalk right on to his own ruin, and not try to stop him.

"Do you spoze a ma would set and let the child she loved throw himself into the fire because he got mad? No; she would haul him back, and the more he kicked and struggled the more she would hang on, and like as not spank him.

"I want this country to be the Light of the World, the favored of Heaven, and the admiration of all the different nations that will camp round it at the Christopher Columbus Exhibition. But they can't be expected to uphold no such doin's as these, let alone admirin' of 'em."

Sez Josiah, "It beats all how wimmen will run on if a man gits drunk.

Why don't you pitch into him, instead of blamin' the Goverment?"

And I sez, "If you go to work to move a tree you don't pull on the top branches. Of course they are more showy and easy to git holt of. But you have to dig the roots out if you want to move the tree."

Josiah looked real indifferent. He hain't like me in lots of things; he is more for dabblin' on the surface than divin' down under the water for first causes, and he spoke up the minute I had finished my last words, and sez he--

"Krit and Thomas Jefferson are a-comin' here to dinner; they are goin'

up to Zoar on business, and are a-goin' to stop as they come back. And I should think it wuz about time you got sunthin' started."

And I sez, "The boys a-comin' here to dinner! Why'e--why didn't you tell me so?"

And I got right up and went to makin' a lemon puddin'.

CHAPTER IV.

I knew Thomas J. wuz a-layin' out to go up to Zoar some day that week to see about a young chap to stay in his office while he wuz at the World's Fair, and it seemed that Krit had gone along for company and for the ride.

Them two young fellers love to be together. They are both as smart as whips--the very keenest, snappiest kind of whips.

Wall, I laid out to git a good dinner, that wuz my calm intention; and I sent out Josiah Allen to ketch two plump pullets, I a-layin' out to stuff 'em with the particular kind of dressin' that Thomas J. is partial to. It is a good dressin'.

And then I wuz a-layin' out to have some nice mashed-up potatoes, some early sweet peas, some lemon puddin', besides some coffee, jest as Thomas J. likes it--rich, golden coffee, with plenty of cream in it; and then besides I wuz goin' to have one or two vegetables that Josiah liked, and some jellys, etc., that Krit wuz particular fond of. Oh, I wuz goin' to have a good dinner, there hain't a doubt of that! Oh, and I wuz goin' to have some delicious soup too, to start off the dinner with! I got the receipt of Job Pressley's wife and improved on it, (though I wouldn't want her to know I said it, she is jealous dispositioned.) But I did.

Wall, if you'll believe it, jest as I wuz a-finishin' my dressin', addin' the last ingregient to it, and my mind wuz all on a strain to have it jest right--

All of a sudden Josiah Allen rushed in all out of breath, and hollered to me for a rope.

"A rope?" sez I, bein' took aback.