BOLSHoV. Don't know.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Then I'll inquire, otherwise you'll die there without our seeing you.

BOLSHoV. Good-by, daughter! Good-by, Olimpiada Samsonovna! Well, now you're going to be rich, and live like a princess. That means a.s.semblies and b.a.l.l.s--devil's own amus.e.m.e.nts! But don't you forget, Olimpiada Samsonovna, that there are cells with iron bars, and poor prisoners are sitting in them. Don't forget us poor prisoners.

[_He goes out with_ AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA.

PODKHALYuZIN. Ah! Olimpiada Samsonovna, ma'am! How awkward, ma'am! I pity your father, by heaven I pity him, ma'am! Hadn't I better go myself and compound with his creditors? Don't you think I'd better, ma'am? Yet he himself will soften them better. Ah! Or shall I go? I'll go, ma'am! Tishka!

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. Do just as you please--it's your business.

PODKHALYuZIN. Tishka! [TISHKA _enters_] Give me my old coat, the worst one there is. [TISHKA _goes out_] As I am, they'd think I must be rich; and in that case, there'd be no coming to terms.

SCENE V

_The same_, RISPOLoZHENSKY _and_ AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA

RISPOLoZHENSKY. My dear Agrafena Kondratyevna, haven't you pickled your cuc.u.mbers yet?

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. No, my dear. Cuc.u.mbers now, indeed! What do I care about them! But have you pickled yours?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Certainly we have, my dear lady. Nowadays they're very dear; they say the frost got them. My dear Lazar Elizarych, how do you do?

Is that vodka? I'll just take a thimbleful, Lazar Elizarych.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA _goes out with_ OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA.

PODKHALYuZIN. Why is it you've favored us with a visit, may I inquire?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. He, he, he!--What a joker you are, Lazar Elizarych! Of course you know why.

PODKHALYuZIN. And what may that be, I should like to know, sir?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. For money, Lazar Elizarych, for money! Anybody else might come for something different, but I always come for money!

PODKHALYuZIN. You come mighty blamed often for money.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. How can I help it, Lazar Elizarych, when you give me only five rubles at a time? You see I have a family.

PODKHALYuZIN. You couldn't expect me to give you a hundred at a time!

RISPOLoZHENSKY. If you'd give it to me all at once, I shouldn't keep coming to you.

PODKHALYuZIN. You know about as much about business as a pig does about pineapples; and what's more, you take bribes. Why should I give you anything?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Why, indeed!--You yourself promised to!

PODKHALYuZIN. I myself promised! Well, I've given you money--you've made your profit, and that'll do; it's time to turn over a new leaf.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. What do you mean by "time to turn over a new leaf"? You still owe me fifteen hundred rubles.

PODKHALYuZIN. Owe you! Owe you! As if you had some doc.u.ment! And what for?

For your rascality!

RISPOLoZHENSKY. What do you mean by "rascality"? For my toil, not for my rascality!

PODKHALYuZIN. Your toil!

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Well, whatever it may be for, just give me the money, or a note for it.

PODKHALYuZIN. What, sir! A note! Not much, you come again when you're a little older.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Do you want to swindle me with my little children?

PODKHALYuZIN. Swindle, indeed! Here, take five rubles more, and go to the devil.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. No, wait! You'll not get rid of me with that.

TISHKA _enters_.

PODKHALYuZIN. What are you going to do to me?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. My tongue isn't bought up yet.

PODKHALYuZIN. Oh, perhaps you want to lick me, do you?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. No, not lick you, but to tell the whole thing to all respectable people.

PODKHALYuZIN. What are you going to talk about, you son of a sea-cook! And who's going to believe you?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Who's going to believe me?

PODKHALYuZIN. Yes! Who's going to believe you? Just take a look at yourself!

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Who's going to believe me? Who's going to believe me?

You'll see! Yes, you'll see! Holy saints, but what can I do? It's my death!

He's swindling me, the robber, swindling me! No, you wait! You'll see! It's against the law to swindle!

PODKHALYuZIN. But what'll I see?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Here's what you'll see! You just wait, just wait, just wait! You think I won't have the law on you? You wait!

PODKHALYuZIN. Wait; yes, wait!--As it is, I've waited long enough. Quit your bluffing, you don't scare me.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. You think no one will believe me? Won't believe me? Well, let 'em insult me! I--here's what I'll do: Most honorable public!

PODKHALYuZIN. What're you doing? What're you doing? Wake up!