AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Holy saints, what am I to do now? Such is the will of G.o.d! O Lord, my G.o.d! Ah, my own little dove, you!

PODKHALYuZIN. Ah, mamma, G.o.d is merciful; we'll get out of it somehow. Not all at once, ma'am!

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Lord grant we may! As it is, it makes me pine away simply looking at him.

BOLSHoV. Well, what about it, Lazar?

PODKHALYuZIN. Ten kopeks, if you please, I'll give, sir, as we said.

BOLSHoV. But where am I going to get fifteen more? I can't make 'em out of door-mats.

PODKHALYuZIN. Daddy, I can't raise 'em, sir! G.o.d sees that I can't, sir!

BOLSHoV. What's the matter, Lazar? What's the matter? What have you done with the money?

PODKHALYuZIN. Now you just consider: here I'm setting up in business--have fixed up a house. But do have something to eat, daddy! You can have some Madeira if you want it, sir! Mamma, pa.s.s daddy something.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Eat, Samson Silych, dear! Eat! I'll pour out a little punch for you, dear!

BOLSHoV. [_Drinks_] Rescue me, my children, rescue me!

PODKHALYuZIN. Here, daddy, you were pleased to ask what I had done with the money?--How can you ask, sir? Just consider yourself: I'm beginning to do business; of course, without capital it's impossible, sir; there's nothing to begin on. Here, I've bought a house; we've ordered everything that a good house ought to have, horses, and one thing and another. Just consider yourself! One has to think about the children.

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. Why, daddy, we can't strip ourselves bare! We're none of your common townspeople.

PODKHALYuZIN. Daddy, please consider: to-day, without capital, sir, without capital you can't do much business.

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. I lived with you until I was twenty years old, daddy, and was a regular stay-at-home. What, would you have me give back the money to you, and go about again in calico-print clothes?

BOLSHoV. What are you saying? What are you saying? Recollect! You see I'm not asking any kindness of you, but my rights. Are you human beings?

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. Why, of course, daddy, we're human beings; we're not animals.

BOLSHoV. Lazar, you just recollect; you see, I've given away everything to you, fairly wiped my slate clean; here's what I've got left, you see! You see, I took you into my house when you were a little rascal, you heartless scoundrel! I gave you food and drink as if I were your own father, and set you up in the world. But did I ever see any sort of grat.i.tude in you?

Did I? Recollect, Lazar, how many times have I noticed that you were light-fingered! What of it? I didn't drive you away as if you were a beast, I didn't tell on you all over town. I made you my head clerk; I gave all my property away to you; and to you, Lazar, I gave even my daughter, with my own hand. If you hadn't received permission from me, you'd never have dared look at her.

PODKHALYuZIN. If you please, daddy, I feel all that very keenly, sir.

BOLSHoV. Yes, you do! You ought to give everything away as I did, and leave yourself nothing but your shirt, just to rescue your benefactor. But I don't ask that, I don't need to; you simply pay out for me what's expected now.

PODKHALYuZIN. And why shouldn't I pay, sir? Only they ask a price that's wholly unreasonable.

BOLSHoV. But am _I_ asking it? I begged out of every one of your kopeks I could; I begged, and bowed down to their feet; but what can I do, when they won't come down one little bit?

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. We have told you, daddy, that we can't pay more than ten kopeks--and there's no use saying any more about it.

BOLSHoV. And so, daughter, you say: "Go along now, you old devil, you, into the pen! Yes, into the pen! Off to prison with him, the old blockhead! And it serves him right!"--Don't chase after great wealth, be contented with what you have. But if you do chase after wealth, they'll take away the last you have, and strip you clean. And it'll come about that you'll run out onto the Stone Bridge, and throw yourself into the river Moscow. And they'll haul you out by your tongue, and put you in prison.

[_All are silent_; BOLSHoV _drinks_] But you just think a bit: what kind of a walk am I going to have to the pen now? How am I going to shut my eyes?

Now the Ilyinka will seem to me a hundred miles long. Just think, how it will seem to walk along the Ilyinka! It's just as if the devils were dragging my sinful soul through torment; Lord, forgive me for saying so!

And then past the Iver Chapel[1]: how am I going to look upon her, the Holy Mother?--You know, Lazar; Judas, you see, sold even Christ for money, just as we sell our conscience for money. And what happened to him because of it?--And then there are the government offices, the criminal tribunal!--You see, I did it with set purpose, with malice aforethought.--You see, they'll exile me to Siberia. O Lord!--If you won't give me the money for any other reason, give it as charity, for Christ's sake. [_He weeps_.

[Footnote 1: In which there is a miracle-working image of the Virgin.]

PODKHALYuZIN. What's the matter, what's the matter, daddy? There, there, now! G.o.d is merciful! What's the matter with you? We'll fix it up somehow.

It's all in our hands.

BOLSHoV. I need money, Lazar, money. There's nothing else to fix it with.

Either money or Siberia.

PODKHALYuZIN. And I'll give you money, sir, if you'll only let up. As it is, I'll add five kopeks more.

BOLSHoV. What have we come to! Have you any Christian feeling in you? I need twenty-five kopeks, Lazar!

PODKHALYuZIN. No, daddy, that's a good deal, sir; by heaven, that's a good deal!

BOLSHoV. You nest of snakes!

[_He falls with his head upon the table_.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Barbarian, you barbarian! Robber that you are! You shan't have my blessing! You'll dry up, money and all; you'll dry up, dying before your time! You robber! Robber that you are!

PODKHALYuZIN. That'll do, mamma; you're angering G.o.d. Why are you cursing me when you haven't looked into the business? You can see that daddy has got a bit tipsy, and you start to make a row.

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. It would be better for you, ma, to keep still! You seem to enjoy sending people to the third h.e.l.l. I know: you'll catch it for this. It must be for that reason G.o.d didn't give you any more children.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Keep still yourself, shameless creature! You were enough of a punishment for G.o.d to send me!

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. You think everybody's shameless and that you're the only good person. But you ought to take a good look at yourself: all you can do is fast one day extra every week, and not a day goes by that you don't bark at somebody.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Shame on you! Shame on you! Oh! Oh! Oh!--I'll curse you in all the churches!

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. Curse away if you want to!

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Yes, that's it! You'll die, and not rot! Yes!

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. Much I shall!

BOLSHoV. [_Rising_] Well, good-by, children!

PODKHALYuZIN. Why, daddy, sit still! We've got to settle this business somehow or other.

BOLSHoV. Settle what? I see plainly enough that the jig is up. You'll make a mistake if you don't do me up brown! Don't you pay anything for me; let 'em do what they please. Good-by, it's time I was going.

PODKHALYuZIN. Good-by, daddy! G.o.d is merciful---you'll get out of this somehow.

BOLSHoV. Good-by, wife.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Good-by, Samson Silych, dear! When'll they let us come to see you in jail?