PODKHALYuZIN. What does that mean, ma'am?

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. How nice you are!

PODKHALYuZIN. _[Jumping up from his chair]_ Aha! now here's a wife for you, ma'am! Hooray, Olimpiada Samsonovna! You've treated me fine! Your little hand, please!

_Enter_ TISHKA _with the pipe._

TISHKA. Ustinya Naumovna has come.

PODKHALYuZIN. What the devil is she here for!

TISHKA _goes out._

SCENE II

_The same and_ USTiNYA NAuMOVNA

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. How are you managing to live, my jewels?

PODKHALYuZIN. Thanks to your prayers, Ustinya Naumovna, thanks to your prayers.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. [_Kissing_ OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA] Why, I believe you've grown better looking, and have filled out a bit!

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. Bah, what nonsense you're chattering, Ustinya Naumovna! Now, what struck you to come here?

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. What nonsense, my jewel! Here's what's up. Whether you like it or not, you can't help it.--If you like to slide down-hill you've got to pull up your sled.--Now, why have you forgotten me completely, my jewels? Or haven't you had a chance yet to look about you? I suppose you're all the time billing and cooing.

PODKHALYuZIN. We have that failing, Ustinya Naumovna; we have it.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Come, come now: just see what a nice sweetheart I got for you.

PODKHALYuZIN. We're well satisfied, Ustinya Naumovna; we're well satisfied.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. How could you be dissatisfied, my ruby? What's the matter with you! I suppose you're all the time bustling around over new clothes, now. Have you laid in a stock of stylish things yet?

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. Not much so far, and that mostly because the new stuffs have just come in.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Naturally, my pearl, you can't help it; let 'em be of poor goods, so long's they're blue! But what kind of dresses did you order most of, woollens or silks?

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. All sorts--both woollens and silks; not long ago I had a c.r.a.pe made with gold tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. How much have you, all-in-all, my jewel?

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. Here, count: my wedding-dress of blond lace over a satin slip; and three velvets--that makes four; two gauze and a c.r.a.pe embroidered with gold--that's seven; three satin, and three grosgrain--that's thirteen; gros de Naples and gros d'Afrique, seven--that's twenty; three marceline, two mousseline de ligne, two Chine royale--how many's that?--three and four's seven, and twenty--twenty-seven; four c.r.a.pe Rachel--that's thirty-one. Then there are muslins, bouffe mousseline and calico, about twenty, and then waists and morning jackets--about nine or ten. And then I've just had one made of Persian stuff.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Lord help you, what heaps you've got! But you go and pick out for me the largest of the gros d'Afrique ones.

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. I won't give you a gros d'Afrique. I have only three myself; besides, it wouldn't suit your figure: now, if you want to, you can take a c.r.a.pe Rachel.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. What in time do I want with a tripe Rachel. Evidently there's nothing to be done with you; I'll be satisfied with a satin one, and let it go at that.

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. Well, and the satin, too--it's not quite the thing, cut ballroom style, very low--you understand? But I'll look up a c.r.a.pe Rachel jacket; we'll let out the tucks, and it'll fit you like the paper on the wall.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Well, bring on your tripe Rachel! You win, my ruby; go open the clothes closet.

OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA. Right away; wait just a minute.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. I'll wait, my jewel, I'll wait. Besides, I have to have a little talk with your husband. [OLIMPIaDA SAMSoNOVNA _goes out_] What's this, my jewel, have you entirely forgotten about your promise?

PODKHALYuZIN. How could I forget, ma'am? I remember. [_He takes out his pocketbook and gives her a note._

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Why, what's this, my diamond?

PODKHALYuZIN. One hundred rubles, ma'am!

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Only one hundred? Why, you promised me fifteen hundred!

PODKHALYuZIN. Wha--at, ma'am?

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. You promised me fifteen hundred!

PODKHALYuZIN. Ain't that a bit steep? Won't you be living too high?

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. What's this, you barnyard c.o.c.kerel; are you trying to joke with me, man? I'm a mighty c.o.c.ky lady myself!

PODKHALYuZIN. But why should I give you money? I'd do it if there were any occasion for it.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Whether for something or for nothing, give it here--you promised it yourself!

PODKHALYuZIN. What if I did promise! I promised to jump from the Tower of Ivan the Great, provided I married Olimpiada Samsonovna; should I jump?

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Do you think I won't have the law on you? Much I care that you're a merchant of the second guild; I'm in the fourteenth cla.s.s myself, and even if that ain't much, I'm an official's wife all the same.

PODKHALYuZIN. You may be a general's wife--it's all the same to me; I won't have anything to do with you! And there's an end to it!

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. You lie, it ain't! You promised me a sable cloak.

PODKHALYuZIN. What, ma'am?

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. A sable cloak! Have you grown deaf, maybe?

PODKHALYuZIN. Sable, ma'am! He, he, he!

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Yes, sable! What are you laughing and stretching your mouth at?

PODKHALYuZIN. You haven't gone out for a stroll with your mug in a sable cloak[1] yet, have you?