LiPOCHKA. Well, do it! [PODKHALYuZIN _kneels_] What a horrid waistcoat you have on!

PODKHALYuZIN. I'll give this one to Tishka, ma'am, and I'll get myself one on the Kuznetsky Bridge, only don't ruin me! [_Silence_] Well, Olimpiada Samsonovna, ma'am?

LiPOCHKA. Let me think.

PODKHALYuZIN. Think about what, ma'am?

LiPOCHKA. How can I help thinking?

PODKHALYuZIN. Why, you don't need to think!

LiPOCHKA. I'll tell you what, Lazar Elizarych!

PODKHALYuZIN. What're your orders, ma'am?

LiPOCHKA. Carry me off on the quiet.

PODKHALYuZIN. But why on the quiet, ma'am, when your papa and mamma are so willing?

LiPOCHKA. That's quite the thing to do. Well, if you don't want to carry me off, why, let it go as it is.

PODKHALYuZIN. Olimpiada Samsonovna, just let me kiss your little hand! [_He kisses it; then he jumps up and runs to the door_] Daddy, sir!

LiPOCHKA. Lazar Elizarych! Lazar Elizarych! Come here!

PODKHALYuZIN. What do you want, ma'am?

LiPOCHKA. Oh, if you knew, Lazar Elizarych, what my life here is like!

Mamma says one thing one day, and another the next; papa, when he isn't drunk, has nothing to say; but when he's drunk he's apt to beat you at any moment. How's a cultivated young lady going to endure such a life? Now, if I could marry a n.o.bleman, I'd go out of this house, and could forget about all that. But now everything will go on as before.

PODKHALYuZIN. No, ma'am, Olimpiada Samsonovna; it won't be that way!

Olimpiada Samsonovna, as soon as we've celebrated the wedding, we'll move into our own house, ma'am. And then we won't let 'em boss us. No, here's an end to all that, ma'am! That'll do for them--they ran things in their day, now it's our turn.

LiPOCHKA. Just look here, Lazar Elizarych, we shall live by ourselves at our house, and they by themselves at their house. We'll do everything fashionably, and they, just as they please.

PODKHALYuZIN. That's the idea, ma'am.

LiPOCHKA. Well, call papa now.

[_She rises and prinks before the mirror._

PODKHALYuZIN. Papa! Papa! Sir! Mamma!

SCENE VI

_The same,_ BOLSHoV, _and_ AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA

PODKHALYuZIN. [_Goes to meet_ SAMSoN SiLYCH _and throws his arms about him in an embrace_] Olimpiada Samsonovna has agreed, sir!

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. I'm coming, my dears, I'm coming!

BOLSHoV. Well, that's talking! Just the thing! I know what I'm doing; it's not for you to teach me.

PODKHALYuZIN. [To AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA] Mamma, ma'am! Let me kiss your hand!

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Kiss away, my dear; they're both clean. Ah, you blessed child, has it been long since you decided? Ah? Good heavens! What's this? I absolutely didn't know how to decide this matter. Oh, my own little darling, you!

LiPOCHKA. Mamma, I positively didn't know that Lazar Elizarych was such a well-educated gentleman! But now I see at once that he's infinitely more respectful than the others.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Well, well, well, you little goose! As if your father would wish you any harm! Ah, mamma's little dove! What a little story, eh? Oh, my holy saints! What in the world is this? Fominishna!

Fominishna!

FOMiNISHNA. Coming, coming, my dear, coming! [_She comes in._

BOLSHoV. Stop, you gabbler! Now you two just sit down side by side, and we'll have a look at you. Fominishna, bring up a little bottle of fizz.

PODKHALYuZIN _and_ LiPOCHKA _sit down._

FOMiNISHNA. Right away, my dear, right away! [_She goes out._]

SCENE VII

_The same,_ USTiNYA NAuMOVNA, _and_ RISPOLoZHENSKY

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Congratulate the bride and groom to be, Ustinya Naumovna! G.o.d has brought us to a ripe old age; we have lived to see happiness!

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. What have I got to congratulate you with, my jewels? My mouth's too dry to sing your praises.

BOLSHoV. Well, now, we'll wet your whistle.

SCENE VIII

_The same_, FOMiNISHNA, _and_ TISHKA, _who is bringing wine on a tray_.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Aha! here's a matter of a different sort. Well, G.o.d grant you live long, keep young, grow fat, and be rich! _[She drinks]_ It's bitter, my jewels! _[LiPOCHKA and LaZAR kiss]_ Ah! that sweetens it!

BOLSHoV. Just let me drink their health. _[He takes the gla.s.s_; LiPOCHKA _and_ LaZAR _stand up]_ Live as you think best--you're reasonable beings.

But so that you won't find life a bore, the house and shops go to you, Lazar, in place of dowry, and I'll throw in some ready cash.