PODKHALYuZIN. Oh, ask more!

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Well, then, if you'll be so good, give me ten.

PODKHALYuZIN. Ten, sir! What, for nothing?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Indeed not! I'll work it off, Lazar Elizarych; we'll be quits sometime or other.

PODKHALYuZIN. That's all talk, sir. The snail keeps going, and sometime she'll get there! But here's the little business I want to put up to you now: did Samson Silych promise you much for fixing up this scheme?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. I'm ashamed to tell you, Lazar Elizarych! A thousand rubles and an old c.o.o.n-skin overcoat. No one will accept less than I, by heavens; just go and inquire prices.

PODKHALYuZIN. Well, here's what, Sysoy Psoich; I'll give you two thousand for that identical business, sir.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Oh, Lazar Elizarych, my benefactor! I and my wife and children'll be your slaves!

PODKHALYuZIN. One hundred in silver, spot cash; but the rest later upon the completion of the whole business, sir!

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Now, then, how can one help praying for people like you!

Only a kind of ignorant swine could fail to feel that. I bow down to your feet, Lazar Elizarych!

PODKHALYuZIN. Really now, what for, sir? Only, Sysoy Psoich, don't run about like a chicken with its head cut off, but go in for accuracy--straight to the point, and walk the line. Do you understand, sir?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. How can I help understanding? Why, Lazar Elizarych, do you think I'm still a boy? It's time I understood!

PODKHALYuZIN. Yes, but what do you understand? Here's the way things are, sir. Just listen first. Samson Silych and I came to town, and we brought along the list as was proper. Then he went to the creditors: this one didn't agree, that one didn't agree; that's the way, and not a single one will take up the proposition. That's the way the affair stands.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. What's that you say, Lazar Elizarych? Oh! Just think of it, what a gang.

PODKHALYuZIN. And how are we going to make a good thing out of this business now? Do you understand me, or not?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. That is, the insolvency, Lazar Elizarych?

PODKHALYuZIN. The insolvency will take care of itself; but I mean my own business affairs.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. He, he, he!--That is, the house and the shops--even--the house--he, he, he!----

PODKHALYuZIN. What's the matter, sir?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. No, sir; that's just my foolishness; I was just joking.

PODKHALYuZIN. Fine jokes, indeed! Don't you joke about that, sir. The house is nothing; I have such a dream in my head now about that subject, that I must talk it over with you at length. Just come to my room, sir. Tishka!

SCENE VI

_The same and_ TISHKA

PODKHALYuZIN. Put all this in order! Well, let's go, Sysoy Psoich!

TISHKA _is about to carry away the vodka_.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Wait, wait! Eh, my boy, what an idiot you are! If you see that a fellow wants to drink, just wait a bit. You just wait a bit. You're young yet, but you just be polite and condescending. Lazar Elizarych, I'll just take a thimbleful.

PODKHALYuZIN. Help yourself, only hurry up; I'm afraid _he'll_ come.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Right away, my dear Lazar Elizarych, right away! [_Drinks and smacks his lips_] But it would be better to take it with us. [_They go out_.

TISHKA _arranges something or other; from above descend_ USTiNYA NAuMOVNA _and_ FOMiNISHNA. TISHKA _goes out_.

FOMiNISHNA. Now do fix it up for her, Ustinya Naumovna! You see the girl is all worked up; and, indeed, it's time, my dear. Youth isn't a bottomless kettle, and they say it gets empty. I can say that from my own experience.

I got married when I was thirteen; but in another month she'll have pa.s.sed her nineteenth year. Why let her pine away for nothing? Others of her age have long since borne children. And so, my dear, why let her pine away?

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. I keep thinking about that myself, my jewel; but the thing isn't held up on my account; I have a whole pack of suitors, all right. But, confound it, she and her mother are mighty particular.

FOMiNISHNA. Why should they be particular? Well, the chief thing is that they should be fresh-complexioned people, not bald, and not smell bad; and then anything'll pa.s.s, so it's a man!

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. [_Sitting down_] Sit down a minute, my jewel. I have worn myself out the livelong day; from early morning I've been tearing around like a wet hen. But, you see, I couldn't neglect anything; I'm an indispensable person everywhere. Naturally, my jewel, every person is a human being: a man needs a wife, a girl a husband; give it to them if you have to rob the cradle; then here and there there's a genuine wedding. And who fixes them up? Why, I do. Ustinya Naumovna has to bear the burden for all of them. And why does she have to? Because that's the way things are; from the beginning of the world, that's the way the wheel was wound up.

However, to tell the truth, they don't cheat me for my trouble: one gives me the material for a dress, another a fringed shawl, another makes up a cap for you, and here and there you'll get a gold piece, and here and there something better--just what the job deserves and they're able to pay.

FOMiNISHNA. What's the use of talking, my dear; what's the use of talking!

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Sit down, Fominishna; your legs are old and rickety.

FOMiNISHNA. Eh! Haven't time, my dear! You see, it's just awful; because _he_ doesn't come home we're all scared to death: he may come home drunk at any time. And then what a bad one, good Lord! Then what a row he'll kick up.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Naturally; a rich peasant is worse than the devil to talk to.

FOMiNISHNA. We've seen him do terrible things. One night last week he came home drunk. He tore around, and what a row! It was simply awful; he smashed the china--"Ooo!" he said, "I'll kill the whole crowd of you at once!"

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Vulgarity!

FOMiNISHNA. That's the truth, my dear. But I'll just run up-stairs, darling--Agrafena Kondratyevna is alone in my room. When you're going home, come back to me; I'll tie up a bit of ham for you. [_She mounts the stairs_.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. I'll follow, my jewel, I'll follow.

PODKHALYuZIN _enters_.

SCENE VII

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA _and_ PODKHALYuZIN

PODKHALYuZIN. Ah! Ustinya Naumovna! It's been ages since I've seen you, ma'am.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. How are you, dear soul! How've you been?