LEONiD. No, mamma, no.

MADAM ULANBeKOV. How could you find out otherwise? How did that get out?

[_To_ GAVRiLOVNA] Find out without fail!

LEONiD. No, indeed, mamma; the man she's going to marry told me.

MADAM ULANBeKOV. What sort of a man?

LEONiD. I don't know what sort! He said he was a clerk in a government office.... a peculiar surname: NEGLIGeNTOV. What a funny fellow he is! He says he's your G.o.dson, and that he's afraid of n.o.body. He's dancing in the garden now, drunk.

MADAM ULANBeKOV. Drunk, in my house!

LEONiD. If you want, I'll invite him in. Potapych, call NEGLIGeNTOV! He said that you were at his uncle's to-day, and that you promised to give him Nadya. Already he's reckoning, in antic.i.p.ation, how much income he will get in the court, or "savings," as he says. What a funny fellow! He showed me how they taught him at school. Do you want me to bring him in?

_Enter_ POTaPYCH _and_ NEGLIGeNTOV.

SCENE IV

_The same,_ NEGLIGeNTOV _and_ POTaPYCH

MADAM ULANBeKOV. Oh, oh, how disgusting! Don't come near me!

NEGLIGeNTOV. I'm sent from uncle to thank you for your bounty.

LEONiD. He says, mamma, that they taught him a good deal, only it was impossible for him to learn anything.

NEGLIGeNTOV. Impossible; from my birth I had no apt.i.tude for the sciences.

I received from fifty to a hundred birch rods nearly every day, but they didn't quicken my understanding.

LEONiD. Oh, mamma, how amusingly he tells about the way he learned! Here, just listen. Well, and how did you learn Latin?

NEGLIGeNTOV. Turp.i.s.sime!

MADAM ULANBeKOV. [_Shrugging her shoulders_] What in the world is that?

NEGLIGeNTOV. Most abominably.

LEONiD. No, wait a bit; and what did the teacher do with you?

NEGLIGeNTOV. [_Bursts out laughing_] It made you laugh. Once, after a cruel torture, he commanded two students to fasten me by the neck with a belt, and to lead me through the market-place as a laughing-stock.

MADAM ULANBeKOV. How is it they took you into the civil service if you never learned anything?

NEGLIGeNTOV. Through the mediation of influential people.

LEONiD. And did they expel you from school?

NEGLIGeNTOV. They didn't expel me; but they excluded me because I grew too much.

LEONiD. Grew too much?

NEGLIGeNTOV. Well, as I, during all this teaching and grilling, remaining in the lower grades, was getting on in years, and grew more than the other fellows of my cla.s.s, of course I was excluded because I was too big. I suffered all the more from the venality of those at the head. Our rector liked gifts; and a week before the examinations, he sent us all to our parents for presents. According to the number of these presents, we were promoted to the higher cla.s.ses.

LEONiD. What was your conduct like?

NEGLIGeNTOV. Reprehensible.

MADAM ULANBeKOV. What in the world! Good heavens! Go away, my dear sir, go away!

LEONiD. Oh, mamma, he's comical; wait a bit before driving him out. Dance, NEGLIGeNTOV!

NEGLIGeNTOV. [_Dances and sings_]

"I shall go, shall go to mow Upon the meadow green."

GRiSHA _bursts out laughing._

MADAM ULANBeKOV. Stop, stop! [NEGLIGeNTOV _ceases_. _To_ GRiSHA] What are you laughing at?

GRiSHA. The member dances very comically.

MADAM ULANBeKOV. What do you mean, "member"?

GRiSHA. Why, he himself tells us all that he is a member in the court, not a copy-clerk. And so they call him the member.

NEGLIGeNTOV. I call myself the member, although falsely, but expressly for the respect of the court menials, and in order to escape scoffing and insult.

MADAM ULANBeKOV. Be gone, and don't you ever dare to show yourself to me!

NEGLIGeNTOV. Uncle says that I fell into loose living because of my bachelor life, and that I may get mired in it unless you show me your favor.

MADAM ULANBeKOV. No, no, never!

NEGLIGeNTOV. [_On his knees_] Uncle told me to beg you with tears, because I am a lost man, subject to many vices, and, without your favor, I shall not be tolerated in the civil service.

MADAM ULANBeKOV. Tell your uncle that I shall always be your benefactress; but don't you even think about a wife! Be gone, be gone!

NEGLIGeNTOV. I thank you for not deserting me! [_To_ GRiSHA] Ask the mistress to let you go to the fair, and catch up with me! [_He goes out_.

SCENE V

_The same, except_ NEGLIGeNTOV