AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Won't you have a sip of cordial before your tea, Ustinya Naumovna?

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Don't care if I do, my jewel.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. [_Pouring_] With my compliments.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. You ought to drink first, my pearl.

[_Drinks._

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. I'll look out for myself!

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Ya! Phoo! Where d'you get this decoction?

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. At the wine-shop. [_Drinks._

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Buy it in bulk, I suppose?

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. By the gallon. What should you want to buy in small quant.i.ties for? Our expenses, you see, are heavy.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. What's the use of talking, my dear, what's the use! Now, I've been bustling about, bustling about for you, Agrafena Kondratyevna; trudging, trudging over the pavement, and at last I've grubbed up a suitable man: you'll gasp for joy, my jewels, for a fact.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. At last you're talking sense!

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. A man of birth and of standing; such a grandee as you never even dreamed of.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. I see I'll have to ask Samson Silych for a couple of fivers for you.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. That's all right, my jewel, I don't mind! And he has peasants, wears a norder on his neck; and as for intellect, why, he's simply a bonanza.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Then, Ustinya Naumovna, you ought to have informed him that our daughter hasn't got piles of money.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. But he doesn't know where to put his own.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. That would be good, and jolly good; only, look here, Ustinya Naumovna, and just consider it yourself, my friend: what am I going to do with a n.o.bleman for a son-in-law? I shan't dare say a word to him; I'll be all at sea.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. It's a little scary at first, my jewel, but afterwards you'll get used to things, you'll manage somehow or other. But, here, we must talk a bit with Samson Silych; he may even know him, this man of ours.

SCENE VIII

_The same and_ RISPOLoZHENSKY

RISPOLoZHENSKY. [_Entering_] I've come to you, my dear Agrafena Kondratyevna. I was going to have a talk with Samson Silych, but he was busy, I saw, so I thought: now, I'll go to Agrafena Kondratyevna. By the way, is that vodka, near you? I'll just take a thimbleful, Agrafena Kondratyevna. [_Drinks._

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. With my compliments, my dear sir. Please sit down, won't you? How are you getting along?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. What a life I live! Well, I'm just loafing, Agrafena Kondratyevna; you know yourself, my family's large, business is dull. But I don't grumble; it's a sin to grumble, Agrafena Kondratyevna.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. That's the last thing in the world to do, my dear sir.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Whoever grumbles, I think, offends against G.o.d, Agrafena Kondratyevna. This is the way it happened--

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. What are your front names, my dear sir? I keep forgetting.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Sysoy Psoich, my dear Agrafena Kondratyevna.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. What does Psoich mean, my jewel? What lingo is that[1]?

[Footnote 1: The name lends itself to the interpretation, "son of a dog (_pes_)."]

RISPOLoZHENSKY. I can't tell you positively: they called my father Psoy--well, naturally, that makes me Psoich.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. But, Psoich, like that, Psoich! However, that's nothing; there are worse, my jewel.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Well, Sysoy Psoich, what was it you were going to tell us?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. Well, it was like this, my dear Agrafena Kondratyevna: it isn't as if it were a proverb, in a kind of fable, but a real occurrence.

I'll just take a thimbleful, Agrafena Kondratyevna. [_Drinks._

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Help yourself, my dear sir, help yourself.

RISPOLoZHENSKY. [_Sits down_] There was an old man, a venerable old man--Here, I've forgotten where it was, my dear madam--only it was in some desert spot. He had twelve daughters, my dear madam; each younger than the other! He didn't have the strength to work himself; his wife, too, was very old, the children were still small; and one has to eat and drink. What they had was used up by the time they were old, and there was no one to give them food and drink. Where could they find refuge with their little children? Then he set to thinking this way, then that way.--No, my dear lady, that's where thinking won't do any good. "I'll go," he said, "to the crossroads; perhaps I can get something from charitable people." He sat all day. "G.o.d'll help you," they told him. Sits there another day "G.o.d'll help you!" Well, my dear lady, he began to murmur.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Holy saints!

RISPOLoZHENSKY. "Good Lord!" he said, "I'm no extortioner, I'm no usurer--it would be better," he said, "to lay hands on myself."

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Merciful heavens!

RISPOLoZHENSKY. And lo! my dear madam, there came a dream to him in the night----

SCENE IX

The same and BOLSHoV

BOLSHoV. Ha, you here, sir? What's this you're preaching here?

RISPOLoZHENSKY. [_Bows_] I hope you're well, Samson Silych.

USTiNYA NAuMOVNA. Why, my jewel! You seem to be growing thin. Or have you been crippled somehow?

BOLSHoV. [_Sitting down_] Must be I've caught cold, or perhaps my blood's in a bad way.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Well, Sysoy Psoich, and what happened to him next?