LiPOCHKA. Yes, much you know! Of course he's a born gentleman; he behaves in a delicate way. They always do like that in his circle--But how do you dare to censure such people, of whom you haven't any idea? He, I tell you, is no cheap merchant. [_She whispers aside_] My darling, my beauty!

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Yes, a good darling! Do tell! Pity we didn't marry you to some circus clown. Shame on you; there's some kind of folly in you; you whisper right under your mother's nose, just to spite her.

LiPOCHKA. I've reason enough, because you don't desire my happiness. You and pa are only good for picking quarrels and tyrannizing!

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. You can think what you please. The Lord is your judge! But n.o.body feels the anxiety for her child that the mother who bore her does! Here you're always posing and kicking up all kinds of nonsense, while your father and I worry day and night about how to find you a good man, and establish you quickly.

LiPOCHKA. Yes, easy for you to talk; but just let me ask, what good does that do me, if you please?

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. As if you thought I wasn't sorry for you! But what can I do? Have a mite of patience, even if you have been waiting a few years. It's impossible to find a husband for you in a second; it's only cats that catch mice in a jiffy.

LiPOCHKA. What have I got to do with your cats! It's a husband I want.

What's the use! I'm ashamed to meet my acquaintances; in all Moscow we weren't able to choose a husband; other girls kept having all the luck.

Wouldn't it make anybody sick? All my friends were married long ago, and here I am like a kind of orphan! We found one man, and turned him down.

Now, look here: find me a husband, and find him quick!... I tell you in advance, look me up a husband right off, or it'll be so much the worse for you: purposely, just to spite you, I'll secretly scare up an adorer; I'll run away with a hussar, and we'll get married on the quiet.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. What! What! You lewd creature! Who drummed such nastiness into your head? Merciful Lord, I can't get my breath! Ah, you dirty hussy! Well, there's nothing to be done. It's evident. I'll have to call your father.

LiPOCHKA. All you ever say is "father, father!" You have a lot to say when he's around, but just try it when you're by yourself!

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. So you think I'm a fool, do you? What kind of hussars do you know, you brazen-faced creature? Phoo! Diabolical idea! Perhaps you think I'm not able to make you mind? Tell me, you shameless-eyed girl, where did you get that spiteful look? What, you want to be sharper than your mother! It won't take me long, I tell you, to send you into the kitchen to boil the kettles. Shame, shame on you! Ah! Ah! My holy saints! I'll make you a hempen wedding-dress, and pull it on over your head directly. I'll make you live with the pigs, instead of your parents!

LiPOCHKA. How's that? Will I allow anybody to boss me about? The idea!

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Shut up, shut up, you babbling Bessie! Give in to your mother! What obstinate daring! Just peep another word and I'll stop your mouth with a potato. A beautiful consolation the Lord has sent me in you! Impudent s.l.u.t! You're a miserable tomboy and you haven't a womanly thought in your head! You're ready, I suppose, to jump on horseback and go off like a soldier!

LiPOCHKA. I suppose you'll ring in the police, presently! You'd do better to keep still, since you weren't properly brought up. I'm absolutely vile; but what are you, after all? Do you want to send me to the other world before my time? Do you want to kill me with your caprices? [_She weeps_]

Already I'm about coughing my lungs out! [_Weeps._

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. [_Stands and looks at her_] Well, stop, stop!

LiPOCHKA _weeps louder and then sobs._

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. I tell you, that'll do! I'm talking to you; stop it!

Well, it's my fault; only do stop--it's my fault!

LiPOCHKA _weeps._

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Lipochka! Lipa! Come, come, do stop!

[_Tearfully_] Now, don't get angry at me--[_She weeps_] A silly old woman--ignorant--[_They weep together_] Please forgive me--I'll buy you some earrings.

LiPOCHKA. [_Weeping_] I don't want your old earrings; I have a drawer full already. You buy me some bracelets with emeralds.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. I will, I will, only please stop crying!

LiPOCHKA. [_Through her tears_] I won't stop crying till I get married.

[_She weeps._

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. You'll get married, my darling; you will! Now, give me a kiss! [_They kiss_] There, Christ be with you! Now let me wipe away the tears for you. [_She wipes the tears_] Ustinya Naumovna wanted to come to-day; we're going to talk a bit.

LiPOCHKA. [_In a voice still rather trembly_] Oh, dear, I wish she'd hurry up!

SCENE III

_The same and_ FOMiNISHNA

FOMiNISHNA. Just guess, my dear Agrafena Kondratyevna, who's come to call on us!

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. I can't say. Do you think I'm a witch at guessing, Fominishna?

LiPOCHKA. Why don't you ask me? Am I stupider than you or mamma?

FOMiNISHNA. The fact is, I don't know how to tell you. You're pretty strong on talk; but when it comes to action you aren't there! I asked you, and asked you, to give me just a handkerchief--nothing expensive: two heaps of stuff are lying around on your closet floor now without any care; but it didn't do any good; it's always give it to strangers, give it to strangers!

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. There, now, Fominishna, I'll never make this out till doomsday.

LiPOCHKA. Let her go; she had a drink of beer after breakfast, and so she's getting fuzzy in her head.

FOMiNISHNA. That's all right; what are you laughing at? How's it coming out, Agrafena Kondratyevna? Sometimes the beginning is worse than the end.

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. One can never find out anything from you! As soon as you begin to talk, we have to stop up our ears! Now, who was it who came here?

LiPOCHKA. A man or a woman?

FOMiNISHNA. You can never see anything but men! Where in the world did one ever see a man wearing a widow's bonnet? This is a widow's affair--so what should her name be?

LiPOCHKA. Naturally, a woman without a husband, a widow.

FOMiNISHNA. So I was right? And it comes out that it is a woman!

LiPOCHKA. What a senseless creature! Well, who is the woman?

FOMiNISHNA. There, there now, you're clever, but no guesser; it couldn't be anybody else but Ustinya Naumovna.

LiPOCHKA. Ah, mamma, how lucky!

AGRAFeNA KONDRaTYEVNA. Where has she been all this time? Bring her in quickly, Fominishna.

FOMiNISHNA. She'll appear herself in a second. She stopped in the yard, quarrelling with the porter; he didn't open the door quickly enough.

SCENE IV

_The same and_ USTiNYA NAuMOVNA