Chapter 109

unedited

Feels cold.

Shen Yan instinctively gripped his hand harder.

Qi Jings hand shook strongly, clearly scared.

Shen Yan could feel Qi Jings fingers straightening from the tension as he jerked his hand backif it wasnt for his hold, it would very likely hit the bottom of the table. Because of that, he furrowed his brows, not only not letting his hand go, but also keeping it strong in his hand.

In his life, too many people let go of Qi Jing.

Thats why, he would never become the next one to do so.

Mom, Shen Yan opened his mouth for the second time, intending to finish his previous, unfinished words, Me and him are actually

Me and him are actually lovers, not friends.

Like the grey letters casted by an old-style movie projector, this sentence appeared suddenly in Qi Jings blank mind, clutching at his heart.

He had said this line before, many years ago.

The first time was when he came out to his family, when he said it to his parents, sister, and little brother.

The man who gave him courage to say this escaped after that. It was his own foolishness, he admitted that, and the wound was deep, but it wasnt the most fatal one.

The most fatal wound was from how, after hearing him say that, his father slapped him brutally; from how his mother cried her eyes out, wailing; from how his sister lowered her gaze, at loss what to do and from his previously so close little brother and his expression full of disgusthe would never forget it in his life. He would also never forget the taste of hard rice and tears he had to force down as he stayed at the hospital after his accident.

Shen Yans family conditions werent good in the first place, and now he finally managed to talk with his mother normally, getting back that tiniest bit of home.

So someone like him, with no home to return He really shouldnt involve him again.

Me and him actually met through work.

Suddenly, Qi Jing cut into his words, finis.h.i.+ng the sentence his way. Even though he felt Shen Yans hand tighten up a bit, he still continued without any change in his expression.

Even still with a smile.

I was doing an interview about a certain topic and he was my main interviewee. At first, it was only a working relations.h.i.+p, but later, we got closer in private and realised that we get along very well, so thats how we became actual friends.

When the woman first heard Qi Jing explaining the details of them getting to know each other, she nodded her head in a sudden understanding.

Was it an animal-related interview?

Mhm, it was about the rescue action for the abused animals and he was one of the rescuersno matter if its for his medical skills or integrity, theyre both incredible. Qi Jing smiled sincerely, he didnt lie about this one, In the future, I will record this programme and burn it on a DVD disc for You.

Going from meeting through work to being friends in private, you two really were brought together by fate The woman once again sighed with emotion.

Haha.

Qi Jing laughed while lowering his head to look at the bowl before him. His smile reflecting in the soup was a bit pale, but he tried his best to ignore it, as well as to cover it up enough to make the woman ignore it too. Its because You have a good son, hes a very precious friend.

But Shen Yan couldnt ignore that smile.

He listened to the end in silence, the furrow between his brows getting deeper and his expression solemn as he stared at Qi Jing.

Even without looking at him, Qi Jing knew that he wouldnt let go of his hand, because even after struggling until that point, he didnt manage to free even a single finger. Even the bones of his hand started to hurt because of him using too much forcebut this kind of pain made Qi Jing feel just a bit better, the feelings in his heart both bitter and sweet.

His right knee slowly s.h.i.+fted over where the woman couldnt see, b.u.mping against Shen Yans knee, then stopping right by it, leaning there silently in a sort of guilty and pleading reliance.

At least this movement could make up a bit for his selfish action.

Ah, I almost forgot from all this conversation with a guest, The woman suddenly realised that the three pairs of chopsticks on the table hadnt even been moved and hurriedly urged them to eat, Eat up, no need to be courteous.

Eh Qi Jing was taken by surprise with her words.

At that moment, his right hand was being held by Shen Yan and he couldnt use his right hand, so if he delayed taking the chopsticks for any longer, even if the woman didnt realise anything by now, it wouldnt take long for find it weird if it continued.

At that very moment, he really could experience what being on pins and needles meantthe p.r.i.c.king pain slowly went up his hand through his whole body, making it hard for him to sit confidently with his back straight.

Guilty conscienceseems like thats what it would be called

, he smiled bitterly, helpless.

Why are you two not eating? As expected, with the two of them staying still, the woman stared at them at a loss.

Shen Yan Qi Jing had to brace himself to warn him aloud.

But Shen Yan still held his hand tightly, not letting go, making him panic a bit, yet he didnt have the heart to steel himself up and rip it out, so he just sat there on the stool, his face white.

At that time, Qi Jings phone suddenly started ringing loudly.

Maybe because it was

too

sudden, Shen Yan seemed to have been caught by a surprise and his grip was no longer this strong, so Qi Jing quickly took advantage of that to take back his hand.

While apologising wordlessly to Shen Yan, he quickly took out the phone to receive this timely call, h.e.l.lo?

Xiao Qi, its me.

Director.

Hearing the News Channels directors voice, Qi Jing breathed a sigh of reliefk2014;if it was a work-related call, then he had an excuse to go out to take it. He looked covertly at Shen Yank2014;he didnt say anything, finally moving his gaze away from himk2014;and only then, he slowly sat up from his seat and said quietly, Im sorry, I will go out for a moment, you two eat first.

After leaving the sick room, Qi Jing heaved a long sigh of relief, as if having shed a heavy burden, then found a remote area in a corner to stand while thanking the News Channel director, Thank You Director, this call came just in a perfect moment.

The director was still the same, the gossipy nature of a news worker didnt change a single bit. What happened? What situation was it just now, did you get caught on lunch with girlfriend A by girlfriend B?

Qi Jing supported his forehead in silence.

Director, You

Not to mention how Your imagination is too blown out of proportionwhy am I a playboy in Your eyes?

What A, what B, I was just eating lunch with my elder and she asked a question I didnt really know how to answer, thats all.

Oh, a question from your elder I get it, I get it. The directors thoughts probably went straight to the arranged date questions, his laugh straight up reminiscent of a cunning imp, Approaching your thirties and still not married, so your family told you off?

Having said so, he stopped for a moment, then added, as if to himself, But its kinda a good thing that youre unmarried

Hearing the director say this, Qi Jing was momentarily flabbergasted, Why?

When he was getting awards in the News Channel, the director was thinking very highly of him, following the principle of each keeping the best to their own, he would be very enthusiastic with introducing him to his XYZ relatives daughter, some XYZ chiefs granddaughter, XYZ colleagues niece And so on, and so forth, all introduced by him under whatever excuse. Now, for him to say something out of his usual repertoire, it really made one uneasy.

The director was silent for three seconds.

The director would only make pauses like this when he had an important announcement to make. Qi Jing straightened his back instinctively, opting to lean against the wall, so as to prepare for the director saying some high-impact news and get some support first for safety.

As expected, what came was that cla.s.sic opening.

I have good news and bad news, which one do you want to hear first?

Qi Jing was already mentally prepared, so he only took a deep breath before saying, resigned to his fate, Please tell me the bad one first.

Okay then, The director went back to his serious tone. No matter what, bad news shouldnt be said jokingly, especially since he knew Qi Jings personal goals very well and understood that the impact of this bad news would have a large impact on him. Then I will say that outrightabout the position of the second anchor A look into society segment, the higher-ups didnt let that go through. I heard that it got blocked by the HR department, the reason being that youre too young and lack necessary qualifications and experience.

When Qi Jing, who was holding back his breath, heard this, his heart fell suddenly, finally dropping with a dull

thump

, heavy from the misery.

He He laughed self-mockingly, wanting to appear a bit more at ease.

But no matter how he laughed, it didnt become any easier.

After all, it was his life dreamto say that he didnt feel dejected, that he didnt care It would be a lie.

The HR department? I think I have an idea who blocked that. He did his utmost to control his voice, so as not to let himself sound too miserable.

There was no lack of petty people in the company, but there was only one who would always go against himMr s...o...b.., Mr Sun. Although he would end up at a disadvantage every time he tried to mock him, and was met with a poor end not a small amount of times, he was also the backbone of the HR department. His failure in getting a promotion this time was certainly thanks to him adding his two cents.

Its good if you know. Theres no way around it, if higher-ups dont let it through, then we cant do anything about it

It doesnt matter, I will continue to work on myself, trying my best to get the qualifications or whatever else is required for me to get promoted. Thats right, aside from bettering himself and improving his connections, there was no shortcut he could use.

But he didnt expect the director to smile at that time, selling him on the next big point on purpose, Dont be in such a hurry, theres still the good news I havent told you yet?

Qi Jing really wanted to grumble downheartedly, No matter how good it is, Im in no mood to listen to it, but thinking of how the director wanted to cheer him up out of his kindness, he still bit his tongue, forcing himself to pull the corners of his lips up. Please tell me.

Although the plans for you getting the anchor position fell through, that city-wide vet clinic investigation item will still get a full sixty-minutes-long special episode in Look into society, this really is a huge honour. Also, theyre interested in letting you partic.i.p.ate in on-air commentary.

So thats what it was about

If that was this good news, then he was already more than certain of it. He had previously heard the rumours from his colleagues, even if it wasnt one hundred percent guaranteed, he was at least ninety percent certain of it, so it was hardly a surprise. Wouldnt that all be thanks to You, Director, and the people in charge of Look into society? Its You that I should thank for that.

Maybe the director heard in Qi Jings tone how he wanted to conclude this call as quickly as possible, but he stopped him quickly, Wait, wait! I still didnt finish speakingthe day I was pa.s.sing the outline of that item and the edited recordings to the people in charge of Look into society, there were visitors from Beijing. The president of CCTV was right there and caught sight of it, he later asked if it was your draft and even looked through the reportages you previously produced, saying that you have potential, that he took a liking to you.

Qi Jing trembled faintly.

CCTV Would that be The national TV station?

The moment he realised that, his heart suddenly began to leap. He didnt really know what the director was about to say.

Xiao Qi, What the director asked him was beyond his imagination, Im asking you, are you interested in an inters.h.i.+p at CCTV?

Ah

Qi Jing instinctively opened his mouth wide, that yes almost coming out immediately. But he stopped himself just in time.

That sudden rush of joy dispersed quickly, like the strong wave receding after was.h.i.+ng all over the sh.o.r.e, leaving only the cleared beach robbed of anything on it, there was no thought in his head when he came to his sensesonly sense of loss as he stood there,

Interns.h.i.+p At last, he opened his mouth dumbly to ask, At what position?

Video editor. It would require you to combine your experience as a reporter, as well as a certain degree of planning ability and creativity, and you would also have to communicate with the anchors a lot. Whats more, its the national TV station were speaking of, so with this interns.h.i.+p on your CV, no matter if you come back to grow here or chose to stay in Beijing, theres no way anything could stop you in your future requests for an anchor position! The director talked on tirelessly, even more excited about it than Qi Jing himself.

Excellent opportunity, excellent position, excellent workplaceit seemed as if there was nothing to complain about.

If it was him from before, he would probably agree with no hesitation.

But

The interns.h.i.+p period, how long would it be? A month, three months, half or a whole year?

I heard it would be three years Aiya, its not that long, it will surely take time for you to gain the experience! It would be no good if its too short. The director said matter-of-factly.

Three years?

His mind went a bit dumb, and without thinking much, he spat out, I dont want it.

The director completely didnt expect such a reaction from him and was thus shocked, Xiao Qi, I thought that hearing this, you would be jumping from joy, yet you Do you realise that other people wouldnt even dare to dream of such a rare opportunity, but you actually want to let it pa.s.s? Even I want to curse your stupidity.

Qi Jings hand holding the phone started to shake slightly, his heart in a disarray, an utter disarray.

Turns out that was what the director meant by that its kinda a good thing that youre unmarried.

Clearly even the director understood that for the guys who already had their families, having to take care of their wives and children, such a choice would be very hard. If he were single, he wouldnt have any reason to declinebut he wasnt single anymore.

Im sorry. Qi Jing apologised, heavy-hearted. He had no idea what else to say aside from an apology.

In the end, what is it all about, why would you turn it down? The director was a bit pushy as he spoke, most probably quite angry, thinking he wasnt committed enough. Youre obviously single, so you should venture outside to gain experience, aside from having to find an apartment, there should be nothing to worry about?

Qi Jing changed his posture stiffly, his gaze wandering towards the door of the sick room. He said hoa.r.s.ely, Director, in fact I have someone already.

The director paused, his tone finally less agitated, So you actually have a girlfriend ah, son? Is she from here?

Mhm

What job?

A doctor. He didnt want to go into the details.

A doctor, huh, The director also seemed to be troubled by this situation. He didnt say anything for a while, then sighed, making a proposition, How about consulting with her, try asking her if she could transfer jobs as well?

I really dont think leaving is an option here.

Qi Jings voice was getting smaller and smaller.

Here were the roots of Shen Yans grandpa who raised him, and so, here were also Shen Yans roots.

Here was where that old apartment was, full of memories, here were the alleys which remembered the course of Shen Yan growing up, his stable job, his nice colleagues. And above that, here was where they both met, both fell in love, and here was the place they should both cherish.

Shen Yan belonged here.

And he belonged to Shen Yan.

Please stay with me and accompany me to the end.

Those slightly choked upon saying them words, they were etched in his heart, stored there, kept in the most precious compartment of his memoryhe didnt even dare to take them out, not to mention hurting them.

Qi Jing laughed quietly.

I love you.

I also love you. Thats why

Im sorry, I cant accept this opportunity. It didnt even matter if the sacrifices had to be made.

The director sighed heavily, vexxed.

But even with the conversation going to this point, he still grumbled, unresigned, Ei, you better think it through, Xiao Qi. To be painfully blunt, its not really my way of doing things, but Ive seen all kinds of characters in our line of work, heard plenty of stories too, and love these days really isnt something irreplaceable. You can always find another girlfriend, but this kind of opportunity, you wont get it the second time. You will regret that.

Such a sure tone of voice.

Such a manly, realistic way of thinking

Qi Jings gaze dropped as he lowered his head, smiling bitterly. He didnt know if he would later regret abandoning his prospects for Shen Yan, but for now, he knew that if he were to abandon Shen Yan for his career He would no doubt regret it.

I already decided. He said.

You give it another thought. The director cut him short, clearly very disappointed with a subordinate like him. Before hanging up, he said his last sentence, Three daysafter three days, you will give me another answer after thinking it through and I will then pa.s.s it to the people from CCTV.

After the call got hanged, Qi Jing stood still in the corridor, as if he dropped his soul. A layer of cold sunlight pa.s.sed through the four windows at the end of the corridor, etched stiffly onto the concrete floor, pulling a long, grey shadow from under his feet. Upset from looking at it, he took two steps away, but he soon realised that shadow is just a shadow, and no matter how far he went, he would never leave it.

Suddenly, Qi Jing felt that he had no strength left, so he squatted down by the wall. He tossed the phone on the floor and rubbed his face strongly, forcing himself to get a grip.

It didnt matter, he still wasnt even in his thirties, there would be other opportunities in the future.

It didnt matter.

It didnt matter

He was just repeating that to himself, as if in self-hypnosis, when his phone on the floor rangthis time, it was the car dealer calling.

h.e.l.lo, is that Mr Qi?

Yes.

h.e.l.lo Mr, its XX car dealers.h.i.+p. The final price for the car You consulted us about got pa.s.sed, we put together the down payment and dealer fee on the proposed bill and sent it to your mailbox. May I ask You to contact us soon after taking a look at it? This price for the car is limited-time, once its sold out it will be gone. The dealer spared no efforts in getting him hooked on the offer.

Can I ask for You to brief me on the payment plan?

Of course, these fees will include

The dealer started to list him the items of the estimated payment. Qi Jing was previously antic.i.p.ating this evaluation, but hearing it now, he couldnt muster any enthusiasm for it.

With his current reporter salary, it would be a bit hard to afford a good quality economy car alone.

He originally thought that he would be able to get the position as the anchor and waited impatiently for his income to get higher, and he expected the payment plan to be more affordable, but looking at it now, he would have to tighten his belt to get through with it. Shen Yan had just paid high bills for his mothers surgery, so he wouldnt even ask him for any financial support, it was neither appropriate nor what he wanted.

But what later?

Later, after going back to his job, would he return to the ceaseless rush about, with only a few days a month to spend at home between the work trips? With the regular work pattern of a reporter, his time with Shen Yan would only get more scarcejust thinking about it made him feel weary in his heart.

G.o.ddammit

He got swept by waves upon waves of negativity he rarely ever felt, momentarily feeling especially beaten. He couldnt help but burry his head down, squatting by the wall in low spirits.

Qi Jing.

Suddenly, he heard Shen Yans voice pa.s.sing through the corridor and raised his head up from surprise.

Shen Yan had just went out of the sickroomseeing him in such position in the corner, his expression changed subtly and he came over in large strides.

Qi Jing didnt want him to know about the content of his conversation with the director, and even less about how he was currently feeling, so he stood up hurriedly, wanting to pat off the dust from himself, to smile as if nothing had happened. But before the smile could even form, his knees suddenly went soft and he almost fell on the floor.

Qi Jing! Even Shen Yans voice was shaky.

Qi Jing reached his hands out reflexively, and his elbow was immediately caught by Shen Yan, who pulled him up. He finally managed to get steady on his feet in time, only his legs were just as numb and weak as before, half of his body slumping on Shen Yans chest, almost in a full embrace.

A whole scene of alarm.

Qi Jing gasped quickly a few times, only then coming back to his senses.

Im fine First, he a.s.sured the other man of his safety, then tried his best to deal with the aftermath, I just squatted on the floor for too long, so when I stood up, I didnt realise that my legs went numb. Doesnt matter, Ill be fine in a moment.

The explanation was fair and reasonable, but it wasnt the only thing about it.

The emotional factor was swiftly omitted by him.

Just as he was about to stand straight, Shen Yan suddenly tightened his hand around him, hugging him closely alongside giving him support.

Qi Jing was dumbstruck.

After a while, he blinked slowly, suppressing that feeling of being wronged that he didnt know where it came from, so as to prevent it from spilling through other means.

In fact, the reasons for Shen Yan to hug him and for him to feel wronged werent the same, but who would care?

This sheer act was where the warmth came from.

Qi Jing only felt his heart hurt with this warmth. Without thinking, he instinctively did what anyone would do at a time like this, circling his hand around this persons back to hug him. He was just about to rest his head on Shen Yans shoulder to rest for a bit, but he suddenly saw the woman standing at the entrance of the sick room.

T/N:

Lucilla: Sorry for the scuffed translation today, I was in a rush to TL this chapter before going on a trip ;;;; I will be away for the next update, so see you guys again in two weeks!