He released my lip with a loud pop before thrusting his tongue in my mouth. I fell into it, kissing him back, ma.s.saging his tongue with mine. His kiss didn't set me on fire or make my toes curl like Noah always did, but it was sweet and gentle and familiar.

A niggling feeling of guilt fluttered in my chest when Liam gestured for us to leave, but I forced it away and followed him.

I had nothing to feel guilty about.

Sure, Liam wasn't as tall or as physically muscular as Noah; but at six feet, with dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, and a washboard stomach, he was definitely a catch.

And yeah, kissing Liam wasn't the same as kissing Noah, and holding Liam's hand as we walked back to his apartment didn't thrill me like it had when it was Noah's wrapped around mine. But maybe I didn't need to feel that excitement and chemistry with Liam.

Maybe I didn't need to experience that crazy rush of love and l.u.s.t; hate and pa.s.sion mixing together that drove me to the brink of madness with want.

Maybe those feelings had never really existed at all.

"I don't want this to be a one-time thing, Teagan," Liam told me in husky voice when he let us into his apartment and switched on the light. "I was a fool when we were younger," he added as he pulled me into his embrace and pressed a kiss to my lips. "Don't think I'm letting you go again."

"Don't talk," I mumbled, clawing at his trim waist. I didn't want love and promises. I wanted to move on. I needed to. Liam was the safe choice the wise option. Liam wouldn't hurt me not like he had.

My fingers found the b.u.t.ton on his jeans and I quickly unzipped the fly. "Take me to bed, Liam," I whispered, slipping my hand inside his boxers and squeezing his rock hard erection. "Now."

MY DRESS WAS IN A BALL on his bedroom floor.

My underwear was cast aside with it.

His thigh was resting on my stomach.

My head was on his pillow, pounding like a drum.

I felt like I'd been run over by a lorry, and all I wanted to do was get out of this apartment, climb into the shower, and scrub my skin raw.

Last night should have been perfect, but it wasn't because all I had thought about the entire time Liam was inside of me was how it should have been Noah.

Even though I had no reason to, I felt dirty. Here I was, in bed with a really decent man, and all I felt was disgust and guilt.

Slowly edging out from underneath him, I rolled off the bed and tiptoed towards the bedroom door, grabbing my trail of clothes in the process.

"Morning, babe."

Liam's voice filled my ears, causing the bile in my stomach to churn and threaten to spill.

"Hi," I managed to squeeze out as I stepped into my dress and pulled it up. Shame. I was feeling it by the bucket load as I searched the floor for my knickers. I hadn't worn a bra last night because, let's face it, I didn't have much to hold up so at least I could cross that particular undergarment off the missing list.

"Where are you going?" Liam asked when I had finally found the missing panties and opened the bedroom door.

"Home," I muttered, as I used the doorframe to balance myself so I could step into my underwear. "I'll...uh...talk to you later, kay?"

I didn't wait for his reply. Instead, I dashed out of the room, falling over one of my discarded high heels in the process.

Of course, Liam had the curtains drawn in the lounge, making my escape all the more difficult. Slipping on one heel, I fumbled around on the floor for the other. Did I have a purse with me? I couldn't b.l.o.o.d.y remember...

"Here." Handing me my other shoe, Liam walked over to the wall and flicked on the light.

"Thanks," I muttered, red-faced.

"Teagan, what's the problem here?" He stood with his hands on his hips and a look of hurt on his face. "I thought you wanted last night as much as I did."

"I did," I blurted out, making my way to the apartment door. "Last night. But now...It's just..."

"You don't?" he offered.

"Look, I'm sorry, Liam," I offered, rubbing my temples. "But I can't do this."

"Do what?" he shot back. "Be with me?"

"Be with anyone," I confirmed quietly before letting myself out.

TEAGAN MANAGED TO ESCAPE her house arrest tonight and I couldn't keep my hands off her. We had only been parked for ten minutes and already; I had her naked and spread open in the back seat of my car.

"Noah, don't leave me on my own..." Teagan whispered, as she clawed at my back. "Please, I know I'm a moody b.i.t.c.h sometimes and drive you crazy, but I'm putting it all on the line for you... don't let me go..."

"Never," I promised, as I pushed inside her. Her p.u.s.s.y sucked me in, pulling on my d.i.c.k like a vice and I groaned loudly. Jesus Christ, she was so tight; I could hardly control the urge I had to pound into her. But I had to be gentle. She was all mine. Fresh and new and tender. I needed to take care of her.

"Say it," she mewled, rolling her hips upwards, meeting me thrust for thrust. "Say you love me."

"I'm in love with you, Thorn," I whispered before claiming her lips with mine...

I woke in the middle of the night with a throbbing between my legs that wouldn't f.u.c.k off. Her voice continued to haunt me, long after I opened my eyes a constant reminder of just how good I had it when I was eighteen.

"You can go now," I told the blonde who was lying on my hotel room bed.

Picking her sc.r.a.p of a dress off the floor, I tossed it to her before heading into the bathroom for a shower.

I needed to wash the dirty feeling off my body.

The blonde had momentarily sated my needs, but now, I was aching again. No amount of s.e.x from her would satisfy me.

It never did.

I couldn't f.u.c.king get any satisfaction no matter how many times I f.u.c.ked these women or how many different positions I did it.

I was f.u.c.king broken.

"WHAT THE f.u.c.k IS UP WITH YOU, MESSINA?" Lucky demanded when I laid him on his a.s.s for the third time in an hour.

"Nothing," I growled. Reaching out a hand, I helped him to his feet before climbing out of the ring.

"Grateful as I am for the job and all, I didn't expect to be your personal punching bag when I signed up for this," he added, following me over to the bench at the far end of the gym. "d.a.m.n man."

Lucky was released from prison a couple of months after me, and I had immediately hired him as a member of my team. I didn't exactly have a position available for the guy, but I wasn't going to let him roam the streets looking for work, find nothing, and fall in with the wrong people. Besides, he was as close to family as I had.

"Sorry," I offered with a grunt before taking a deep swig of water. "I'm not usually this...cranky."

"Did you forget I shared a cell with you for five years?" he laughed. "Who're you trying to fool, man?"

"Noah!"

I turned around at the sound of my name being called. My face broke into a broad grin when Tommy Moyet stalked through the gym. "What's up, T?" Tommy was my go-to guy. He had trained as a physiotherapist, but the minute I had signed for the MFA I had s.n.a.t.c.hed him up. Since then, the guy pretty much organized what time I took a s.h.i.t when I was working. I was lucky to have him on my team. h.e.l.l, I had a team because of him because he had believed in me.

"What would you think about fighting Davy Bishop in Ireland on St. Patrick's Day?" he asked when he reached us.

"He would think that it's a huge comedown," Lucky interjected with a tone of pure disgust. "Bishop's in the middleweight division. Noah's the number one contender for the heavyweight t.i.tle."

"Not anymore," Tommy added with a smirk, turning his attention to me. "Bishop's coming up," he told me. "And he's making a big splash about it saying he deserves a t.i.tle shot before you. All talk that guy. Full of bull c.r.a.p." Tommy grinned. "How about you put that punk in his place on his home turf ?"

"I'm in," I replied immediately. "Tell Bishop to name the time and place, and I'll be there."

"Whoa, Noah," Lucky said. "You sure about this?" Shaking his head, Lucky let out a string of cuss words. "That's just over ten weeks away, man."

"It's done, Lucky," I told him. Turning to Tommy, I nodded once and said, "Make it happen, T," before resuming my training.

I was sold the minute Tommy revealed the location.

Ireland.

Present day "YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN," I announced, as I stood in the doorway of Hope's bedroom with a stack of papers in one hand, and a yellow highlighting pen in the other.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hope replied, lying through her teeth, as she continued to tap furiously on the keyboard of her laptop.

She knew exactly what I meant, and she also knew I wasn't leaving this doorway until she answered me.

After a minute of me glaring at the side of her face, Hope let out a loud huff, placed her hands on her lap, and leaned back in her chair, reluctantly giving me her full attention.

"I've read ten chapters, Hope," I explained calmly, shaking the papers in my hand to emphasize the huge favor I was doing her. "And I've had to replace the hero's name in every single one." This morning alone, I had made fifty-eight name changes to the doc.u.ment, and I swear to G.o.d, if I had to change the name Jordan to Chad one more time I was going to lose it.

When she didn't respond, I decided to use tough love to get a reaction.

"Hope," I started. "It has been seven years almost a b.l.o.o.d.y decade and you're still moping around the place like a pigeon shat on your head."

"One word, Teegs," Hope shot back coolly, swinging from side to side in her chair. "Noah."

Ouch...

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say his name in my presence," I replied in a shaky voice before slamming the stack of paper and the pen down on her desk. Hope's comment cut deep, and I had to take a few minutes before I could trust my voice again to sound level and calm. "Your mom called again," I told her. "She wants to know if you got anything unusual in the mail."

"No," Hope muttered, shoving the invitation I knew she was hiding further underneath her keyboard. "Nothing new."

I rolled my eyes at my friend. She was such a little liar. "Hope, I know about your parents' anniversary party tomorrow night," I told her before swinging around and heading back for the hallway. "I got an invite too." There was no way in h.e.l.l I would step foot on Coloradan soil, but I appreciated Lee's offer all the same.

Hope needed to go though. She needed to start building bridges with her family. She was never going to move on with her life if she didn't face her hometown at some stage. I figured she should do it sooner rather than later.

Stopping at the door, I decided to try a gentler tactic. "Lee knows you're still hurting over him. She wants to help you, Hope. Maybe you should talk to her about how you're feeling. Call the woman back."

"I know you think I shouldn't still think about him," I heard Hope whisper before adding, "I know I shouldn't, but it just won't fade, Teegs. He's in my head constantly and I hate it."

"You're preaching to the converted here, Hope," I replied with a heavy sigh. "Just do what I do and remind yourself that you didn't do anything wrong. Jordan, like he-who-shall-not-be-named, happens to be a man and therefore a stupid, heinous, inconsiderate b.a.s.t.a.r.d." Shrugging, I added, "I'm telling you, Hope, they're all the same..." My voice trailed off when I caught a glimpse of my watch. Ten thirty. s.h.i.t. "I'm late for work," I muttered. "We'll finish the man-b.i.t.c.hing session when I get home, okay?"

I wanted to stay and help my friend through her crisis, but I wanted to not go bankrupt that little bit more. Opening on St. Patrick's Day was Liam's latest attempt at saving the gym. Personally, I thought it was pointless. Everyone would be out watching the parade and enjoying themselves, but I didn't bother protesting. I was in the doghouse as it stood.

Grabbing my bag off the couch, I slipped my key into my bra and headed off on my jog to the gym.

"MORNING," I SAID BRIGHTLY when I opened the office door and walked inside, setting my bag down on the bench behind the door.

"You're late," was all Liam replied, not looking up from the paperwork he had splayed across our old wooden desk.

"Um...there's no one here?" I shot back, gesturing around with my hand. "Relax. I'm here now."

"You know, sometimes I wonder why you went into this partnership with me," he said in a sharp tone, "when you can't even be bothered to come in on time."

Resisting the urge to groan, I walked over to where he was sitting and rested my hip against the desk. "You're one of my best friend's in the world," I told him truthfully as I rested my hand on his forearm. "I want us to get back to the way we used to be." I could feel my face reddening as I spoke, "The way we were before we...you know."

"Had s.e.x?" Leaning back in his chair, Liam lifted his head and stared me straight in the eye. "Before we had s.e.x, Teagan."

"Yeah." Swallowing deeply, I nodded, forcing myself to keep eye contact with him. "Before we had s.e.x." I hated the fact that I had screwed up a lifetime of friendship with Liam. I knew I hurt his feelings when I ran out on him, and I knew I was hurting him now; but guilt ridden or not, it changed nothing, because I couldn't give Liam what he wanted from me my heart.

It simply wasn't there anymore.

I had left it back in Thirteenth Street.

Liam was silent as he studied my guilty face. Finally, when I thought he wasn't going to say anything else, he shoved back his chair and stood up quickly. "You f.u.c.ked with my head that night, Teegs," he told me with a groan as he began to pace our small office. "Made me feel like it was something more than it was." Turning around, he walked right up to me. "You know how I feel about you."

"I do?"

"Yeah," he husked. "You know I have feelings for you, and you used me that night."

"I'm sorry," I muttered, feeling a bucket load of shame. "I didn't mean to."

"I'm not a toy," he continued to say, ignoring my apology. "You can't take me out and play with me for a little while and then toss me back in a box when you're done."

"That's not what I've been doing." I shook my head, rejecting what Liam was saying. "We're friends."

"Friends that go out on dates," he argued. "Friends that don't see other people." He shook his head and sighed. "I'm the only guy you spend any time with."

"That's not true," I protested. "I hang out with Sean."

"Sean's gay," Liam countered swiftly. "Don't even try and dig your way out of this one "

"Sorry to interrupt your little domestic, folks," Ciarn Crowley said with a wolfish smile. "But could you turn on the televisions on the treadmills?"

As much as I hated Ciarn and his wandering hands, I could have kissed him for essentially giving me a way out of this horrible conversation.