"Gee, Badger, thanks," Bastien said drily.

"Ah, now, don't pout. You're slowly growing on me."

Snorting at his dry tone, Bastien launched and took control of the Kimmerian troops and the few Dread Reckoning who'd signed on for the venture. Even though Ember and her sisters outranked him, they let him take over since he was known to The Sentella and they weren't. Not to mention, neither the DR nor Tavali were legal organizations with a lot of protection.

They'd learned long ago to keep their heads down or lose them.

But instead of rendezvousing with the Gort Tavali, they were sent to provide backup for the Andarions who were struggling to get control back from Nyk's and Jullien's insane grandmother. Apparently, she'd rushed in after the bombing, declared everyone dead, Nykyrian a traitor, and had reseized her throne.

Ember sat in the navigator's chair as she scanned the other ships around them. "How do you think this war will end?"

Bastien sighed. "I don't know. My father always said it'd come. That it was long overdue. The League started out as a n.o.ble idea, but as with all things, people corrupted it. The idea of a single police force for everyone ... just doesn't work."

"The Sentella seems to balance it."

"Because they're fighting The League. Anytime you have one group with all the guns and training ... you have tyranny. Nature of the beast. It's why all things in nature are dual. Good and evil. Hot and cold. Positive and negative."

"Then shouldn't that be those trained and those not?"

He snorted at her. "That's not balance. That's inequality. Like a twelve-year-old girl trying to defend herself against a nineteen-year-old man. It's not physically possible and she's at the mercy of his morality. It works, provided he has morality. When he doesn't ... she's his victim." He sighed. "Moderation and balance. Do no harm. Respect all life. That's what my father taught me. d.a.m.n shame Barnabas didn't learn that."

Bastien frowned as he met her gaze. "But then I can't reconcile how my father treated Jullien ... or Xander. I mean, really. He harmed them both. Greatly. Badger was as much his son as I am. As Quin was. And Badger needed our sa a lot more than we did."

"People aren't perfect."

"I know. It's what I keep telling myself. But I just wish I understood."

Now that they were launched, Ember went over to hold him. "I'm glad you don't. It's what makes you different."

Bastien closed his eyes as her hand brushed against his scalp. Double-checking the comm, he made sure no one could see or hear them and turned on the autopilot.

"What are you doing?"

He pulled her into his lap to hold her close. "Right now, holding you. In the next few minutes, I plan to be inside you."

She sucked her breath in sharply. "You're incorrigible."

"But you're not saying no."

"I know." It'd been too long for her too. She needed him as much as he needed her.

She kissed his lips.

When she lifted her head, she saw the dark look in his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just thinking of what you asked. If we lose this war, we'll all be put to death."

"I won't let them have you."

"And I won't let them take you or Florian."

"Then don't look so sad." She reached down between their bodies to undo his pants. The moment she touched him, he let out a deep hiss.

Ember smiled. This was what she'd always loved most. The power she had over him whenever he was like this. He might be stronger and much larger, but he was hers to command at will.

And they both knew it.

He was hers. He'd always been hers.

Every day they were together, it was getting harder to think of not having him around. Harder to remember how she'd made it without him.

Smiling, she watched him undo her shirt before he slid his hot hand over her flesh. There was magic in his touch. How a man so brutal could be so tender, she'd never understand. And yet he had patience and kindness in a way few did.

Her thoughts wandered as he slowly tongued her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, and she remembered finding her picture among his meager gear. It and a photo of his parents and siblings had been the only personal items he'd kept during his exile. When she'd asked him about it, he'd been completely unapologetic.

It's what got me through.

And he was what currently saved her sanity. His son had been what had kept her going through everything else.

She owed him her life. Rian had given her focus. He'd given her purpose.

Most of all, he'd given her unconditional love.

"Don't ever leave me again, Bas."

He pulled back to gently cup her breast. "I'm not going anywhere, Elskamun. I'm right here."

Nodding, she slid herself onto him. They both moaned in pleasure.

Bastien watched as she rode him slowly. He still couldn't believe that she was back in his life. Every day he woke up, he expected her to leave again. Every minute, he held his breath, expecting her to banish him back to the darkness without her.

It was why he tried to cherish every heartbeat he had with her and Florian. He was tired of fate or whatever ripping him out of their lives. Jullien had said the same thing to him about Ushara and his kids when he'd lived on Oksana.

He'd been unable to relate to his cousin at the time. But he fully understood now.

That was the hardest thing about loving. That fear of loss. Especially after she'd already cut his heart out once and fed it to him. Trusting her again was so much harder than he'd ever imagined.

And yet he couldn't stay away. No matter how hard he tried to protect himself.

He loved her. Against all common sense and self-preservation. Really, it wasn't fair.

But then, nothing in life was. And right now, he didn't want to be anywhere else except inside her. Staring into her beautiful eyes while she made love to him.

And when she came in his arms, he smiled, then joined her there.

With a contented sigh, she collapsed against him and laid her head on his shoulder. That action stunned him, as she'd never done such before.

"You okay, Elskamun?"

"Petrified."

The fact that she'd admit it ... "I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

"I wish you'd say the same about yourself, Bas. That's what scares me. I have a bad feeling that won't go away. Every day it grows worse." Tears glistened in her eyes. "I was holding my mother when she died. She looked at me, choked, and was gone." A sob racked her. "I don't ever want to live through that again, Bas. I couldn't take it if I lost you again."

"I'm sorry."

"Why does it have to be so hard?"

"I don't know, Em. My father used to say that life tries us all without prejudice or mercy."

"But why?"

"No idea. I just know that we're all veterans of a f.u.c.ked-up world. No one gets out without their scars. Some of us just hide them better than others."

She nodded, then kissed him. "I'm sorry for the ones I gave you."

"You were trying to protect yourself. I get it."

"But it doesn't make it right."

"Nor does it make it wrong. It just is, my lady."

Ember shook her head and held him. And as she lay there, she prayed for the knot in her gut to loosen. For her premonition to be wrong.

Bastien had suffered enough. She'd buried enough of her family.

She refused to bury him, too. And yet the vision remained.

It was Bastien lying in his casket.

CHAPTER 14.

It took them longer than expected to route The League and Andarions and get Jullien home. Bastien was more than frustrated as it seemed that the G.o.ds of Kirovar wanted the injustice to stand and for Barnabas to rule on a stolen throne.

But it did allow him more time with Ember and Rian, and to plan an attack that would work. So he savored his every minute with her and made sure to double-check everything so as not to risk her or her sisters.

Now they were back at the Gort base to celebrate the birth of Jullien's son Vidar. And what a strange gathering of a motley band they were, too.

"Congratulations!" Bastien clapped Thrix on the back as he held his infant son, Admon Simon Eteocles Sparda, in his arms. "You really planning to call him Sphinx?"

The expression on Thrix's face said that he'd gone a few months without a bowel movement. "Not by choice. But Mary outranks me in all things, so..."

Bastien laughed. He well understood that. "Beats Florian," he whispered.

Thrix burst out laughing. Sobering, he tucked the sleeping infant under his chin. "I'm just glad I made it back and that Mary's here, with him."

Yeah. It'd been close. Thrix had been trapped in the bombed Andarion palace with Jullien and Darling, and Mary had been captured by their enemies for a short time, and a.s.sumed dead. They were both lucky to have survived their ordeals.

Bastien clapped him on the back. "So you gonna pull a Caillen and retire?" After the palace had gone down on his wife, children, and sisters, Caillen had decided that he was through fighting. He'd handed in his resignation to The Sentella and retreated with them to the main Exterian palace, where he intended to wait out the rest of the war.

Thrix gave him a wry stare. "Please," he said drily. "Mary would never let me go that long without babysitting Jullien." Because Mary's sister was Ushara, and so she sent her husband along to ensure that Jullien didn't do anything completely stupid-like Bastien would do.

Unira came over to them and smiled. "So, Bastien ... when will I be performing a wedding ceremony for you?" She cut a meaningful gaze to Ember.

Little did she know what a kick to his stones that was. "Not up to me, Holy Mother. I'm willing. The bride has better sense than to tie herself to the likes of my worthless hide."

She tsked. "Well, I'm here anytime you two change your minds."

Bastien stepped back as another herd of Ushara and Mary's relatives swarmed Thrix and the baby. He couldn't believe how many months had gone by as they fought The League and he tried to find a chance to get at Barnabas.

It was as if some unholy power protected him.

Sighing, he retreated to a corner where he could watch Ember holding Jullien's newborn son, Vidar. And that brought its own ache to his chest as she cooed and made the baby laugh. He'd have given anything to see her playing with his child like that.

His gaze went to Florian, who was in the corner with Vasili, gaming. The two of them had hit it off immediately.

And as he glanced about, Bastien wanted to be content with what he had. He wanted to let it go and forget the past.

He couldn't.

I can't live knowing Barnabas is alive and they're not.

It was that simple. His uncle had bought his happiness at the expense of Bastien's entire family. Because while he was grateful to be here with his new family, he was all too aware of the members who weren't here.

And why.

Quin should have his son with Florian. And they should be gaming. Lil should be nagging him about Ember. His mother should be fussing about his attire. His father over his lackadaisical att.i.tude and long hair.

No, he owed it to them. He couldn't let himself forget that.

Trajen, Jullien's boss and the leader of the Gorturnum Nation, came over to him. "Breathe."

Bastien shook his head at the Trisani pirate as he took an ale from Trajen's hand. "I am breathing."

"Well, if it helps, The Sentella have been calling for you."

"Have they?"

"Check your link."

Bastien did, and Trajen was right. "d.a.m.n, boy, you got some scary powers."